Chapter 1

A lot of people have asked me how we first knew that Logan had autism. Perhaps in telling our story I can help other people who are just starting this "journey". My oldest daughter hates the word "journey" used in conjunction with any life-changing event: my weight-loss journey, my fitness journey, my education journey, etc. I don't know why, but she does. So maybe journey isn't the right word. It implies an end, and for this, there is none. We will call it a labyrinth. We entered it unknowingly when Logan was born, and puzzle after puzzle only led us deeper into it. So, how did we begin?

Before I get into that, I want to make it clear: I am a special education teacher now with a master's degree in curriculum and instruction. I've also worked as a licensed job coach for young adults with disabilities. But back in 2004 I was none of those things. I was a mother, and a housewife. I loved to garden and make jewelry and crochet. I salvaged furniture off of curbs and tried new recipes. I didn't know how easy I had it. Logan was born in 2004 and he had a peaceful demeanor as far as babies are concerned. Rarely cried, if at all. Smiled all the time. He walked on time and started talking on time. He toddled around the house, trying to keep up with his older brother and sister, the "near-twins" I call them, because they are 17 months apart. He would ask for a drink of water by saying "a drink of water". He would ask to be cuddled by brining me his Winnie the Pooh blanket and saying "Pooh blanket mom".

However, when he was about 2 and a half, things started to change. He started repeating words like a broken record. "A drink of water" became "A drink a drink of water, a drink a drink of water". He stopped bringing me his Pooh blanket. He started climbing literally everything. He would climb on top of the kitchen cabinet and play in the water for hours. I could pick him up a dozen, fifty, a hundred times, and he would go right back to it. I eventually closed off the kitchen with two stacked baby gates, which got us some odd looks from people, but by then, I didn't care. Eventually, he lost all his words, and stopped talking altogether, for a while. It wasn't permanent, but that is a different chapter.

I think probably the final significant thing to me was an incident that happened two or three times, and at first, I didn't understand it. He was sitting in my lap one day and without warning, he threw himself backwards and slammed his head into my face. I was so mad. I thought he did it on purpose, and he almost broke my nose. But he did it again the next day and again another time and I realized then it was involuntary. It was almost like his body would jerk and arch back. I'm still not sure what caused him to do that, but people with autism do sometimes have motor issues or physical tics and stims. At the time, I didn't know what any of that was. I was clueless. But what I did know, was that something was wrong, and we needed to see a doctor as soon as possible.

I've spoken with many parents who are facing what I faced, suspecting their child has autism or some other disability, and scared because they simply don't know what to do. I always tell them to start with their pediatrician or family doctor. That may seem like a no-brainer to some people, but this situation is so far out of left field for so many people that sometimes they don't equate possible symptoms of autism (or some other disability) as being the type of thing that would warrant a trip to the doctor. They are used to taking their kid in for strep throat or weird rashes. Repetitive speech, lining toys up in a row, banging their head, none of that is a common cold. However, the best thing to do really is to start with the doctor they normally see, because the doctor will be able to rule out so many things that can mimic autism. So, the first thing I did was make an appointment with Logan's pediatrician. And that was when we truly started navigating our personal labyrinth.