What I Learned Being Gay in High School
The Woes, the Wows, the Ughs
Okay first, let me clarify. I am the 1%, I'm genderfluid, semi-closeted, and I never dated anyone in high school. The closet I got to kissing someone was when I almost ran into them in the hallway.
Also, I'm graduating high school in May, about a year early. So I spent way more time on trying to get out of the place than trying to find a boyfriend.
The point of the matter is, I was/am gay, I was/am in high school, and I am a changed person because of it. So here are my 6 lessons I learned.
1. People will know before you know.
Chances are if you're not lifting weights, on the football team, having sex with your girlfriend in the parking lot, or just have way too deep of a voice, if you are gay, the other gays already know it.
I'm pretty sure that I have clocked every one of God's Gays in my school. Maybe a few have slipped through my fingers, but I'm a pretty good marksmen. The point is, LGBT kids have groups, they talk, they chatter, they sit in the computer labs and gossip about who they think might be swinging for the same team.
The LGBT kids have it down to a science, if they even see a hint of rainbow and glitter in your veins, they will launch a full investigation. It's just how it is, and if you're still closeted, don't worry, they aren't going to out you, they're just going to add you to their list.
2. You'll get hit on, but don't get any ideas.
It's 3rd period, you're tired, drag race is over, the lunch line is long, and along comes a cute jock who makes sure to brush your backside when he walks past you.
You've been claimed.
Just kidding, but seriously, he's got an eye out for you. Chances are he's just sexually frustrated at keeping up his fake identity and he wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Or maybe he actually just grabbed your ass by accident, it's possible. The key is to act as if it didn't happen, the next time you see him, don't give him the time of day, bonus points if you don't make eye contact.
If you do end up falling for him, be prepared to find out he's not anything you ever wanted.
Boys: They're all the same.
3. You'll turn heads, for fun.
If you're like me, you know how to stir up attention when you're feeling down on self esteem. You've developed this tactic because you don't get enough attention at home and you haven't climaxed in over seventy years, it happens.
The point is, you'll turn heads kid.
Let's face it, you're hot, and you know it. Every once and a while you'll wear something tight or revealing just so that Jimothy in second period will stare at your ass for a few more minutes while you right on the board. It's okay, it's called charity.
4. You're gonna cry, a lot.
I spent probably 98% of freshman year crying over boys that didn't even like me. There will be crushes, and flings, and the one that got away, but in the end, it'll be fine. Soon you won't have any more tears to cry out, your skin will become moist with the blood of your enemies, and you'll get off on old romantic flicks from the 80s.
5. You'll make a lot of friends.
Trust me when I say you'll find people just like you, don't lose them. But if you do, they'll always be more. The best part about being gay in high school is clicking up with your little clique and kiki-ing between classes.
Don't let that go.
6. You'll realize you were your own boyfriend.
This is my favorite memory.
After giving up on romance for the billionth time, I realized that I didn't need someone else to be who I already was to myself. I made myself tea, I did my own laundry, I bout myself gifts, I knew what to watch next on Netflix. I was my own boyfriend, sure it would be nice to have another soul, but I didn't need one.
The best part about being gay in high school is that you truly get to learn who you are as a person before you get to know someone else. You get to understand yourself and your body and your community. It's the little things that Cis-Hets won't have because they're too busy growing up too fast.
And everybody knows:
Your twenties are gonna be W-I-L-D.