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There are four psychological points, may let the baby do not want to go to kindergarten

Last week, I finished the school preparation for my older children. Of course, I will not forget the questions from mothers of other small children in my official account -- how to deal with the anxiety about entering school and the children's reluctance to go to school. Especially the first time to enter the school, to participate in the collective life of the children, parents to do what to prepare?

By testPublished 4 months ago 6 min read

Little D has grown up. Looking back on many things, I am more and more convinced that parents are the container of children. If this container is stable, no matter how big the child is, the problem can be solved.


So, kindergarten anxiety this matter, to put it bluntly, we as parents should avoid the following four points.

At four o 'clock?

1. Avoid the victim mentality

Kindergarten marks the first time that children leave us to enter the society, and begin to deal with people, it is inevitable that there will be some collisions, at this time we should be especially vigilant about the "victim" psychology.


The most typical is the topic of "being bullied" in kindergarten. Every parent would be distressed to see their child come home with a broken knee or a scratch on his or her face.


Many parents' first reaction is, "Gee, who hit you?" There are even many parents will ask the next day, "baby, did XX hit you today?"


These seem to be caring, but they are conveying "victim" psychology with children. This is the child's first human interaction, and our feedback becomes their social experience.


In the face of the "bullying" problem of young children, there are different degrees: fighting, conflict, bullying, bullying. And most of the cases are in the category of fighting, conflict.


That many parents will say, not ah, I ask the child "who hit you", the child will take the initiative to tell me who hit him.


Preschool children's language development is not mature, imagination and reality sometimes confused, if we use a guided question, "who hit you", then the answer is definitely "who hit me".


Therefore, I would ask Little D every time, "What's wrong with the marks on your face?" ", not preemptively, but patiently guide her to tell the truth.


The process itself helps her sort through the situation, and sometimes you'll see that she doesn't care (it's just rough-and-tumble anyway); Sometimes it's a friendly fire (like a fight over a toy).


Of course, I'm not saying that the latter two don't exist at all in kindergarten, but the latter two require that the other is malevolent, directed at people rather than things, repeated.


The reason I care so much about this distinction is that by being a victim ourselves, we deprive our children of the exercise they need to deal with social conflict.


All we see is the child's impotence, and our inquiries and concerns reinforce his impotence, and gradually the child becomes truly "learned impotence".


How can a child who acquiesces that he is incompetent be able to get along with others and enjoy the social activities of kindergarten?

2. Avoid "egotism"

Since kindergarten is the first step into society, after entering society, we must consider not only their own needs, but also the needs of the collective.

Take taking a nap. There are indeed a lot of children 3 years old less than no nap, and the kindergarten must nap.


Some kids don't like going to kindergarten because they "have to take naps."


I have seen several cases of parents "denouncing" the unreasonable rules of the kindergarten. I am not sure if they talk about it in front of the children, but it is certain that these casual attitudes of parents will affect the children's attitude towards the kindergarten.


Parenting is individual and every child is different, and it's entirely understandable that there will be a group of kids who don't need naps early. But if the parents at this point and "condemn" the kindergarten, then is a little "egoistic".


Small nap this matter, in fact, is a reflection of how to help children understand collective needs.


You don't have to force them to take naps, but you can talk to them about why naps are there, help them understand that most kids need to take breaks, interpret the rules.


Then discuss with your child if you don't want to sleep, what can you do without disturbing others? Think about coping strategies.


Little D has a rule in kindergarten that we enforce at home, which is called "quiet time," which means you can stay up, but you have to be quiet.


From the kindergarten, let the children slowly understand that many things are not either cry resistance, or swallow indignity, between A and B choices, there must be more win-win ways.

3. Avoid excessive anxiety

It's only natural to worry about your child's adjustment to kindergarten life.


Now we are always told "don't worry", in fact, this itself is unscientific, anxious mood everyone will have, what we need to do is not blindly reject anxiety, but dance with anxiety.


It's impossible not to be anxious at all, so I'm saying don't overdo it. So how do you judge this degree?


One of the criteria I give myself is, you can worry one step ahead, but you don't have to worry two or three steps ahead.


For example, children are going to kindergarten, we worry about whether the child can adjust to being away from their parents for a period of time, this is reasonable, this is the first step.


But many parents will imagine the second step, such as going to kindergarten and being beaten up. What if Mom doesn't eat? How to go to the kindergarten does not go to the bathroom?


That sounds like excessive anxiety to me. Do these problems exist? It must exist, but it will be solved when it happens. There is no need to anticipate so much in advance.


Kindergarten anxiety this matter, in fact, the state of parents is also very key. If we are overly anxious, it will infect our children.

4. Avoid "taking it easy"

On the other end of the spectrum is "taking it easy," thinking your child will be fine and not taking it seriously.

This kind of psychology especially appears in some children on the first day to send what is good, happy to say goodbye, happy to run in. Then the parents breathe a sigh of relief that nothing is wrong with their child.

But there is a certain type of child who may be fine the first day and the second day, but a week later they refuse to go to kindergarten.

And people's mentality is very interesting, at the beginning of the long-term psychological preparation, but can understand the missing and reluctant to give up is reasonable.

The worst thing is that the first week is totally fine, and then the repeated times will easily make parents break down and think that there is something wrong with their children, which is the "self-expectation management imbalance".

More serious can combine a few kinds of psychology in front, is kindergarten teacher bad? Must be something wrong? The result is not more objective to guide children to channel such emotions.

Most young children leave their parents for the first time to enter the kindergarten, there will be reluctant to give up and miss the emotion, but some children, at the beginning of the kindergarten will be fresh and interesting and temporarily ignore this part of the emotion.

This emotion came to the surface when the novelty wore off and he began to find kindergarten a regular activity.

This explains that the emotions are always there. Even if they are not shown on the first day, our parents still need to warm up in advance and take the initiative to talk about it to help her channel the emotions.

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