I received this message:
"Big J, I have encountered the most serious problem since I raised my child -- my child is two and a half years old. He often hits people, plays well, and suddenly hits his partner or grabs his partner's arm and bites him. How can I say that I cannot change it?
Hitting, biting, kicking and other behaviors, almost every child will have, it is a necessary stage of their growth and development.
But there is a part of the life of children, teachers and parents are particularly troublesome bear children, it seems that for no reason is more "violent".
The teacher let the parents more discipline, parents are especially helpless, the truth should talk about, the current child also understand, but every day or uncontrollable emergence of these behaviors.
Are children born violent? What's the best way to guide these kids?
Why is that?
Many of the so-called "violent children" are not because of a lack of discipline, and certainly not because they are "intrinsically bad," but because their proprioception is out of whack.
Proprioception is a very important indicator of child development. Apart from all the things that coordinate the muscles of the body, proprioception has a major function in helping children feel external stimuli.
When a child's proprioception has deviated, a little bit of outside stimulation into the brain will be infinitely enlarged, resulting in children especially hyperactive, active, unable to calm and focus.
Moreover, such children have a very high demand for proprioception, as if no amount of external stimulation is enough, and they will even spontaneously appear a lot of violent behaviors to actively seek these stimuli.
In addition to often biting, hitting, and kicking for no apparent reason, children in this category have some other specific behaviors:
Bite at everything (note that this is for children who are past the sensitive mouth stage)
I love to hide in crowded Spaces
It will be very rude and heavy-handed
Always bump into things on purpose
Always be evaluated as hyperactive or "wild"
The grip is very strong, such as the feeling of pulling a spoon and pencil
Uncontrollable love of physical contact with others, no sense of personal boundaries
Jump when you should be walking
If you have a child who fits most of these categories, it's time to recognize that such a child needs targeted proprioceptive exercise rather than discipline alone.
Otherwise, even if the reason is clear, their bodies just can't control it.
You can do that
1, give crazy play a little restraint
First of all, children in this category need more time and space to engage in a variety of physical activities to get more stimulation of "motion perception".
But in crazy play, can be a little bit of skill to give constraints, to prevent children from excessive excitement and "violence".
The most effective way is two ways, the first is to use music rhythm control, for example, should walk well but the child can not control, then you might as well sing a little song with nodes, the simplest is like "ABC letter song", such rhythm helps the child self-regulate their own movement.
Another way is to give more specific instructions, such as to go to the playground to play, to other children we can say, let's play in the playground for a while;
For these kids, we say, can you run from here to the swing and back again? The more simple and clear the instructions are, the more they will help the child self-regulate the most.
Walking along the line like this is also a constraint
2, active heavy exercise
This is a method used by many professional institutions, which is to increase the stimulation of the muscles and joints of the child through heavy exercise.
In fact, this kind of exercise can be done by yourself at home and at school. To give you some concrete examples:
① Carry books, carry heavy bags, push boxes full of items
② Push the wall and do push-ups against the wall
Tug of war, one person can pull the rope tied to the door
For children who bite particularly hard, we can also offer the opportunity to blow bubbles, blow balls and play foosball, which is equivalent to putting pressure on the mouth muscles.
The essence of this kind of exercise is to give children's muscles and joints a certain force stimulation, so that their "proprioception" can be sensed, so as to stimulate the body's self-regulation.
3. Passive pressure movement
This is used in many professional institutions in what is called a "pressure blanket", in which a blanket of a certain weight is tightly wrapped around the child. The main purpose is to calm the hyperactive child.
But many children do not like this kind of professional treatment, will produce rejection. Therefore, in the family, we can present the following forms of exercise to make it easier for children to accept.
① A very, very tight bear hug
This is a great calming device for most emotionally agitated children, especially after hitting.
Don't start with the education, but give the "bear hug" first, holding the child very, very tight, can help the child calm down.
(2) roll the dough
Let your child lie on his or her stomach and roll a yoga ball over his or her body, applying pressure depending on how he or she reacts.
It is best that the children can feel the pressure, but not reject it, which needs parents to adjust in time when they operate.
(3) volume of hot dogs
A blanket or quilt for your child to lie on and roll up little by little like a hot dog.
Wrap the child as tightly as possible during the roll. This is not just about exercising proprioception, it's also good for vestibular stimulation (balance).
4. Matters needing attention during specific implementation
① Law of discovery
Note your child's frequent triggers for violent situations, and do some of the above exercises before they happen.
For example, some children are prone to this phenomenon every evening, and some children often start to lose control of excitement when they sing together.
After understanding these rules, parents or teachers can selectively carry out these activities before this, which can help children self-regulation.
② to the end
Every child reacts differently to different stimuli, and the key to making proprioception effective is to ensure that the child is "responsive" to the stimuli.
The response here refers to happy acceptance, which means that the child does not reject, and the child can have positive feedback, such as happy laughter and interaction.
Proprioceptive exercise is important for every child. The better the proprioceptive development, the better the physical coordination and emotional control will be in the future.
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