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Why I Want To Run Away

Freedom

By KodahPublished 3 months ago โ€ข 3 min read
5

After my mind discovered what depression was, it felt like every emotion got erased from me. I didn't know how to be happy or express my feelings after I was slowly treating my depression. I felt as if I had more feelings when I was depressed, but I never quite knew how to express those feelings. ๐‘ฐ ๐’‚๐’๐’˜๐’‚๐’š๐’” ๐’‡๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’๐’๐’”๐’•. I felt like I needed to re-centre myself. I always felt like there was another way to take responsibility for my happiness. A way to avoid and escape from the disruptions.

People run away for many different reasons. At the end of the day, we're wired to avoid discomfort or pursue pleasure. So, when things get complicated or overwhelming, ditching the stress of those feelings and starting anew allows us to temporarily detach ourselves from those uncomfortable feelings or realities. 47% of teens that run away or were homeless indicated that a conflict with their primary parent or guardian was the major reason why they left. As I personally haven't experience that, people run away for various reasons just to ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’‡๐’Š๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Š๐’“ ๐’๐’˜๐’ ๐’‰๐’‚๐’‘๐’‘๐’Š๐’๐’†๐’”๐’”.

I remember I saw a video come up on social media of my 2 friends who were filming themselves run away. It wasn't as big of a deal as it seemed since they were safely found after a few hours. However, I remember watching that video and saw that they were having fun. Having fun these days without wanting to just go home is so hard to conduct, so I felt like they had a sense of freedom that created this spark of 'fun'. It must've been nice to just leave everything behind and not have to talk to anyone about life or worry about anything that's been bothering you. The feeling of being in my own world. ๐‘ญ๐’“๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’๐’Ž.

๐‘ฌ๐’—๐’†๐’ ๐’‹๐’–๐’”๐’• ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’‚ ๐’…๐’‚๐’š. To just feel free. Feeling like nothing matters, a world of just you, your thoughts and your freedom. Like your own version of reality. I always had a feeling that running away would make me realize that nothing will ever matter at the end of the day. Sometimes I just have to pretend and tell people that I'm doing fine, even though I'm not doing fine I can't tell anyone I'm not doing fine because then I have to deal with more people asking me if I'm fine. Avoiding something was always my favorite option. So was lying, but I only lied to protect myself. I wouldn't have to lie or need to protect myself if I ran away to a world ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’๐’๐’๐’š ๐‘ฐ ๐’†๐’™๐’Š๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’….

๐‘ฐ๐’‡ ๐‘ฐ ๐’“๐’‚๐’ ๐’‚๐’˜๐’‚๐’š, I would not feel bad about it. I want to begin to find a new way to be happy. As it may seem selfish to do and dangerous, I want to be happy for the first time in my life. I want to feel good about myself. I wanted to be in a world where I escaped manipulation. I want to run away to my thoughts and mind. Something is wrong, and I can't live with it. So why can't I just escape it? I want to do things that will enable me to realize my true potential, my true potential that's been hiding beneath the lost pathways to real happiness. I want to feel something again, I want to feel like this massive weight has just been lift off me and I'm as light as a feather. ๐‘ฐ ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’‡๐’†๐’†๐’ ๐’‡๐’“๐’†๐’†.

HumanityTeenage yearsSecretsCONTENT WARNING
5

About the Creator

Kodah

- Storyteller, Love/Romance, Poetry, Dark, Mental health, Psychological, Surreal, Nature, Mythical

~๐“ข๐“ฝ๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ฒ๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ฌ๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ซ๐“ฎ ๐“ช ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฝ๐“ต๐“ฎ ๐“ญ๐“ฎ๐“ฎ๐“น~

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Comments (2)

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  • Lunaverse3 months ago

    Loved this!

  • Omgggg, this was so freaking relatable! I always have the urge to go off grid and run away from home to go live in a cabin in the middle of the forest, away from everyone and everything!

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