The Great Bird Bath Caper

Kimmie was my best friend all through my childhood. We were more than just friends, we were soul sisters; we were never apart. This was one of those rare, once in a lifetime friendships that you are extremely fortunate to experience.

We were twin flames. Kimmie was the yin to my yang, the sun to my moon, and the light to my darkness. Thirty years ago I simply could not imagine that there would ever come a day when we wasn't together; but, such is life.

I have so many delightful memories that I will carry with me forever. I often find myself hearkening back to those times when life was simple and happiness flowed easily and freely.

One of my favorite memories is "The Great Bird Bath Caper". I still laugh with tears in my eyes when I recall that particular night. I have told this story many times and I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to tell it one more time (but certainly not the last time).

My childhood home was located right between two grumpy old ladies, our three yards actually connected. These two ladies absolutely (in a complete and unlimited way) despised one another.

Kimmie and I would sit beneath our old willow tree, well hidden and out of sight and laugh until our stomachs ached as we would watch these two ladies clash, fuss and nitpick at each other. They would accuse each other of stealing newspapers or picking each others flowers. There was always something entertaining happening between them.

Now, these little ladies couldn't have harmed a fly, but when they laid eyes on each other, you could bet that a skirmish was about to ensue. Frequently and more often than not, my father would play referee and peacemaker which was sometimes even more comical and humorous than the actual hostilities.

One morning when Kimmie and I woke up we noticed that my dad was next door putting together a large bird bath for one of the neighbors. Naturally when the other lady spotted the new bird bath going up she had a few choice words. "That's the ugliest thing that I have ever seen!" she shouted. "If you come near my bird bath I'll drown you in it!" the other replied. My poor dad looked somewhat frustrated and maybe even a little bit worried that all war was breaking loose around him.

Later that night when everyone had gone to bed and the neighborhood was dark and quiet, Kimmie and I came up with the most shrewd and devious plan unlike anything that we had ever conjured up before. If we could pull it off this would be the most hilarious and humorous prank ever!

We were going to take the bird bath and place it in the other lady's yard!

The bird bath was solid concrete, so we had to carefully take it apart without damaging it or getting caught. That thing must have weighed 1,000 pounds, I'm sure that you can picture two young girls struggling to move it.

It seemed like it had taken us hours to get each piece from one yard to the other and carefully reassemble it. Somehow we managed to get the job done, now it was time to sit back and watch the fireworks fly.

The next morning as we sat around the table having breakfast with my parents, Kimmie and I kept slyly looking at each other and trying desperately not to act obvious or start laughing. We knew that if my parents figured out what we had done, our plan would be ruined and all of our hard work would have been for nothing.

Suddenly it happened we heard the first sounds of war dispatching through the cool morning air. My dad rolled his eyes "Good grief" he said. "What are they fighting about now!?" Suddenly he jumped up from his chair and ran to the window in pure bewilderment.

A pang of dread, shame and fear hit me right in the stomach.

Our two old neighbors were locked up like two bulldogs in a fist- fight right in the middle of the road. WHAT HAD WE DONE?

My dad went rushing outside to break up the fight. "That old buzzard stole my bird bath!" one yelled. "I didn't steal that big ugly thing!" the other defended. Kimmie and I stood on the front porch holding each other as the battle pursued and by now, the entire neighborhood was gathered around watching.

"That bird bath is much too heavy for either of you ladies to budge! Lets all calm down and think logically." my dad begged and pleaded. "How in the world did it get from one yard to the other?" people were scratching their heads and looking at each other in amazement and confusion.

"I'll tell you how it got there! SHE STOLE IT!"

My dad and another neighbor carefully moved the bird bath back to its rightful location however the insults and accusations carried on for weeks. And the police was even called.....THE POLICE!

Thank goodness nobody ever figured out for sure how that bird bath mysteriously got moved, and we certainly never owned up to doing it.

I don't know where Kimmie is at now, I can only hope that she's happy and well. I often wonder if she looks back on the great bird bath caper as often as I do.... If she does, I hope that she smiles; one of those warm, loving smiles that is induced only by the innocence of youth and carried through time on the memories, virtue and purity of friendship.