Save Yourself

Over the course of our relationship the blame was always laid on my shoulders. As is the norm when you are living with a narcissist, and that doesn't change when you leave either. They still feel that they are in control of what you do and it will take a very long time, if ever, for you to actually keep them out of your life.

During the relationship, I apologized for everything that happened. Regardless of if I was to blame or not. My own personal hell is that now that I am speaking up, the attacks continue. Online bullying, outright lies, messaging etc. It just will not stop.

Block them, delete them, do anything you can to get them out of your life in every way that you can. You cannot begin to heal if you let them continue the attack on you. That sick feeling that you get when anything reminds you of them will never go away unless you work hard to keep them out. Unfortunately, there will be people that enjoy helping the narcissist attack you. They are under the same spell that you were when being controlled. Do the same with them, leave them no way to contact you at all.

Narcissists have an internal God complex where they fully believe that they have never been in the wrong. They will do whatever they need to just to maintain their feelings of being right simply because they can not handle the thought that anything would be wrong with them.

Facing their own demons goes against everything that they have known their entire lives. This is a self defense mechanism so that they never have to feel any shame or regret at the things they have done to the victim. They will blame others so that they do not have to feel badly about themselves. I have seen this time and time again during my relationship. He would twist everything to make it look like he had done nothing wrong. Even after threats of violence he would say that I shouldn't have pushed him so far. If I hadn't pushed then he would never have gotten so angry.

When the victim speaks out against this type of abuse the narcissist feels threatened that the world may see them as flawed and they will become enraged and defensive. Their smear campaign of the victim will intensify and they will not stop. They will involve friends and family and encourage them to harass the victim in addition to what is already being done.

They will begin to tell the world that the victim is the narcissist and that they are merely trying to create drama. What they do not realise is that the victim has already wondered this themselves and has made sure that they do not suffer from this disorder well before opening up about the abuse that they have suffered. Because of the damage done during the relationship the victim will already be blaming themselves initially and will have done the work they need to do for their own healing journey.

If you have ever wondered if they were right and you actually are a narcissist then rest assured there is no possible way you could be. Narcissistic people have no empathy, nor remorse. They are not capable of true self reflection and would never admit fault at anything. If you have the capacity to question yourself and reflect on past behaviors in an authentic manner then there is no possibility that you could have a narcissistic personality.

During this type of relationship the narcissist will push your buttons and do anything they can do make you lose your temper. The longer you stay calm, the more they will push. This is called reactive abuse and it is one more way they will make you feel as though you are going crazy and losing your mind. They do this so they can hold these episodes against you when they need to. Saying that you lost your temper and you are the one that is abusive. And for you, being someone who actually feels regret, this will create the question in your mind that maybe they are right. You know that your reaction to them is not normal for you and you would never have reacted like that with anyone else. Yet you did and therefore you feel guilt. The narcissist will see this weakness and play on it until they have convinced you that you were in the wrong and once again you will apologize for what they know perfectly well they are doing.

They are victim shaming you in order to take the attention away from their own bad behaviors. Do not allow them to put you back in the box that you have escaped from. That is right where they want you, they can keep you quiet there and you are no longer a threat to their ego. Lean on family and friends to support you during these times and if it gets to the point that you need to, reach out to the police. They are there to help.

When dealing with a narcissist, make sure to document everything. Not only from him but from his minions as well. This way if you need to involve the police you have an arsenal of backup that will help in your quest for legal protection. Depending on the particular person that you are dealing with you may need to go as far as having a protection order placed so that you can move on with your life and feel safe. Protect yourself and always stay safe.

The only way that we can rid the world of this type of silent assault is to speak up about what we experience. We have to stand together and face the evil that lurks before us. This type of abuse has become widespread in society and it is one that is overlooked for the most part. Many people do not even understand that they are being abused. We have a strict no bullying policy for children and yet adults are continuing to bully on a daily basis. Sad really that some of us haven't grown up and are continuing this childish behavior.