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Relationship Anarchy

Your Guide to Relationship in the Sexual Revolution

By Susan Eileen Published 2 years ago 5 min read
Relationship Anarchy
Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

My unboyfriend is really on to something here. But first let's go through some of the most important definitions of relationship anarchy.

Relationship Anarchy is not a bad thing. In this Sexual Revolution, the caste system in relationships is removed. For my unboyfriend, it means that his best friend, me and his friends at the local watering hole are all on the same playing field. He and his best friend were in a band together. Don't interfere with that relationship. It won't end well. Relationship Anarchy means different things to different people. For me, monogomy is the way to go. I'll be monogamous as long as we are still getting intimate. Once physical touch stops, the unspoken contract is broken.

If you get on board with relationship anarchy, you will have to stop comparing your relationships to other people's relationships. You have to realize that other people will think your relationship doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense to them, it only needs to make sense to you. The benefits of relationship anarchy is that you focus on yourself. You get to live with intention. You get to choose happiness and stop looking for outside validation. At the end of the day, you need to choose positivity. If you want a better life, you have to create it. Find an unboyfriend that is positive and funny; one that excites you a little when you see him. Treat him differently than you've treated boyfriends.

I am an addict, in recovery. I have to choose myself over a boyfriend every single day. I barely survived my divorce from a narcissist. I don't know if I'll every be ready, but I'm not ready now. I have lived my life at a frantic pace so I could afford all the stuff I didn't have as a child. That included love. This unusual friendship has helped me live with intention and focus on myself, and my sobriety. I have slowed down and started to think things through. I've decided that my inner monologue is incredibly dramatic and highly irritating to the opposite sex. Therefore my practice boyfriend will help me break the cycle of co-dependency. In fact, my practice boyfriend is the healthiest relationship I've had. When your surrounded by dysfunctional and toxic relationships, it's hard to have a healthy one. I am now careful with my commitments and training myself to behave differently.

Just remember that the only thing you can rely on in this lifetime are death, taxes, and change. Relationships have changed because nobody is going to put up with your good, bad and ugly. It just isn't realistic.

More definitions.

Polysexual - almost anything goes but you do have standards. There is typically a lack of emotional connections.

Polyamory - in this relationship, you are allowed to be in love with more than person. This hasn't worked at all for me. I end up in love with two people and get screwed over by two people instead of one.

Sexpiration Date - The date you decide that the practice boyfriend has outlived his utility.

Blow - Up Doll - A filthy whore that is passed around like cocaine at a party. This is only supposed to be a one-night stand. Don't make it more. She'll choose cocaine over you every single time.

Non-binary relationship - More than two people are involved. It includes all non-binary people.

Stepping and Fetching - When you serve your partner and fetch everything for them and they still step out on you. After the pain this has caused, be single for a bit and do friends with benefits. This relationship will mess with your mind.

Relationship Nazi - A person has incredibly annoying double standards, like the guy who has a mistress judges you for having a relationship anarchy type of relationship.

Sapiosexual - An attraction to the mind.

I'm going to stop and give you a piece of advice. Don't overthink your way out of the friendship that develops in a friends with benefits situation. An overthinker needs a compassionate person. "I'm not in love but the sex is good" is typically the attitude of most men. Just accept it.

Uncle Steve - my mother had us call the guy she hung around with at night with the descriptor "Uncle" in front of it. This was to help her children understand that they were close friends and they can figure it out after they are 25.

Hedonistic Adaptation - the desire to have porn level sex. I feel that everyone, except the asexual, experiences this in their lifetime. It's a lets get rowdy and reckless lifestyle. This can lead to death from sexually transmitted diseases. Stop and pick one friend with benefits and enjoy it while lasts. We are all in our journey to self-discovery.

I have loads of emotional baggage so lets unpack some. I'm a workaholic and because of this, I didn't have time to cultivate a strong relationship with my husband. This is a trait of someone with chronic PTSD. The PTSD stems from the fact that nothing was ever good enough for him. No matter how much I made, or how attractive I was, he was embarrassed about money. He only wanted my money and told me so. It gave me the belief that in order to be loved, I needed to produce something. I still feel compelled to work until I'm physically ill. I'm still trying to find work/life balance and until I achieve that, none of my relationships will work. Currently it is 2:02 in the morning and my head feels heavy and the room is cold. I'm too old to be acting this young. It's been suggested that I'm going through a three-quarter life crisis. I should go to bed, but I can't because of the coffee I made at midnight. Being a mom was hard work, but I chose hedonic adaptation over my children.

As I said, I'm sober. There is an unexpected joy in being sober, but for some reason I feel compelled to celebrate every occasion, including milestone occasions like a full two years of sobriety. If I'm honest with myself, I'm hoping that some of you reading this will decide to get sober. I am an aspiring sobriety coach - it's now coded into my DNA as firmly as my PTSD. I'm now hustling for joy which is not going to end will. I desparately need my therapy appointment and I need to keep it. I need organize my medication. I believe that EVERYONE can be sober if they do the work.

Another toxic trait of mine is that I suffer from analysis paraylsis. When I feel overwhelmed I get nothing done. This irritates me, even myself. Its too bad I'm hyperaware of my defects. This helps me to work on them though and not drive others away which I feel incredibly self-conscious about. See, I'm a project not a partner. Nobody has time for that. They don't want it, they don't need it and they shouldn't. My friends with benefits allows me to only spend a couple nights a month with him so I can focus on myself.


About the Creator

Susan Eileen

If you like what you see here, please find me on Amazon. I have two published books under the name of Susan Eileen. I am currently working on a selection of short stories and poems. My two published books are related to sobriety.

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