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Rabbit Hole

by Wanderer 2 months ago in Secrets
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Baby fever?

Oh my gosh.

He totally does it on purpose.

He drives me crazy on purpose.

He thinks he’s so sneaky.

I can’t wait to kiss him.

I think guys do get baby fever.

I’m so drunk on him.

Severely intoxicated.

I think I’m in so much trouble.

Have you ever felt like you’re being hypnotized?

Like on the Jungle Book, that scene when the snake (I don’t know all the names) hypnotizes Moughli, because to him he’s like a whole snack or something.

Ok, I’m laughing.

Anyway, I’m blushing and I swear I can’t stop smiling.

I’m in so much trouble I think.

I don’t think there’s a way out of this, this time.

Feeling like I’m his prey.

Am I?

That’s so funny.

I’ve never felt this way before.

It’s something like adrenaline.

So much for hiding in his closet.

I don’t think he’d let me.

The anticipation is too much.

I’m dying to be his.

I can’t stop listening to our music.

Can you imagine his eyes at me?

Like daring, like a hunter, oh my gosh.

He’s so passionate.

I had no idea.

So much for Americans not knowing what love is.

This one knows it too well I think.

I firmly feel he isn’t letting me go this time.

He’s hot just like an oven.

I can’t stop smiling.

Such a crazy, hypnotizing song.

I’m addicted.

The song says "open up and let me in" and I got goosebumps so fast.

His music is so pure and intense.

The way it does so much to me and my mind.

Trying so hard to imagine his face when posting them.

He’s gotta know I listen to them on repeat.

He’s gotta know it affects me.

He is creating a thirst in me.

Makes me feel so weak and I just don’t know how to feel differently.

He’s so amazing to me.

Knowing his sense of urgency makes me feel so weak and like I can’t wait to be with him.

Spend time kissing him.

His smile at me.

Today he liked a post about a husband talking about him and his wife having another set of twins!

That’s insane!

Also just made me feel like he’s got baby fever too.

Or maybe he was just happy for the couple?

I probably shouldn’t assume.

I can’t help it.

This last song was so intense.

Can you imagine the man of your dreams calling out to you?

That he’s all alone?

There’s no one there to love him?

(Obviously in my scenario, it’s me, not that he wants just anyone)

Ever caught yourself so deep in space somewhere on some unknown galaxy smiling and biting your lip?

The sense of urgency to go be with him is out of this world.

Trying to count how many more months in my head and praying it’s just maybe 3 more months or less.

Literally praying to get through all of this mess.

I’m yearning at this point.

He’s going to make me his.

I pray it’ll be forever.

I just want him forever.

He’s my dream, my desire, meu amor, minha vida.

There’s no one else.

His kind is so rare.

Thank You Hashem.

Thank You for my hero.

He’s such a man.

He’s so masculine.

He’s so handsome.

He’s so intellectual.

He’s so playful.

He’s so strong, in more ways than one.

The way he can make me so drunk on him and I swear it doesn’t seem like he’s even trying that hard at all.

He’s so amazing to me.

I’m so grateful for our love story.

It’s my favorite.

He’s my favorite.

I'm so grateful he’s so patient with me.

I’m so grateful he’s not letting me go this time.

I’m so grateful no one is yelling and lashing out at me to leave him alone.

There’s been no interruptions.

I can’t help, but, tear up.

I’m so thankful.

I just feel like he loves me.

He really loves me.

He’s everything to me.

I’m shaking, I just need to learn to process this better.

I never want to take him for granted.

He’s always meant so much to me.

This is such a fairytale to me.

I remember when he told me about a nightmare he had that I think his transcripts or something from the University he went to got lost, it was an academic related nightmare and he was so beyond worried.

I wish I could’ve kissed him then.

We weren’t near each other, nor in my eyes, together per se, but in my eyes now I totally would’ve.

I’d show him the future that he graduated and had wonderful graduation pictures with loved ones.

Give him peace, reassurance.

Make him happy.

I love sharing moments together.

I don’t mean to tear up, I’ve just always wanted to see him happy.

Even if it wasn’t with me.

His happiness just means so much to me.

I never want to forget moments we’ve spent together.

Do you think I can hide my tears from him? Possibly?

Like when I get any bad/dark thoughts?

Like when it feels like I get flashbacks?

I just don’t know, I can’t say.

I just still remember getting yelled at.

That I’m holding him back.

That I’m stupid, because he was with other girls. Even though we weren’t dating at the time. Saying that I needed to stop being obsessed with him. Let him go. That I needed to stop stalking him?

Just that feeling, that frustration, tears and guilt, that just breaks me. Not to mention all other abuse I’ve gone through mentally and emotionally and yelling.

I close my eyes.

I just never imagined going through so much.

I’m so sorry Hashem. If I deserved it.

I pray I’m enough.

I didn’t mean to hold him back.

I pray he loves me.

I just feel he does.

He’s zealous of me.

I feel he isn’t letting me go this time.

He’s not letting me go this time.


About the author


You can call me a wandering soul.

I’m just waiting to go home.

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