Pretending

Ever been in that situation where you ask a question to someone and the answer is not quite what you expected?

My partner asked our real estate agent one time, "Have you had lunch?"

She kind of stumbled and mumbled out "Uh, no, but I will, I have to meet someone, sorry."

My partner didn't ask the question as a leading question for a lunch invitation. He asked as he was genuinely interested in the answer. The answer being, "Yes" or "No."

I cringed. Both at the real estate agent for becoming evidently flummoxed and at my partner for being so direct with his follow up clarification: "I didn't ask you because I was inviting you, I asked because it is getting late and I thought you would be hungry."

After recovering from a moment of embarrassment, the agent cordially wrapped up our meeting and we departed from the scene, to my relief.

From my perspective, being a woman and understanding the real estate agent's reply, it seemed that the assumption that took place wasn't because of my partner's question. The question was clear and direct. It was a court room question, one where you didn't have to think about the reply, but just answer.

I don't know what the agent's day was like. I don't know how she felt about us. I don't know what her emotional state was. Though, whatever was happening in her mind, did not match what was happening in my partner's mind.

I also think I understand my partner pretty well. At that time, we had been together for 4 years and had hardly spent time apart. I understood his direct nature, which I appreciate, and this has taught me a lot about being straight forward and not beating around the bush.

I like the word sensible. This comes from the word sensibilis in Latin, meaning: "Having feeling: Perceptible by the senses." This could mean to be easily understood; logical, reasonable.

From my perspective, it seems like my partner asked a question which was all these things, all in all, the question was sensible. I think in retrospect, he himself was hungry and wanted to get away to eat something. If that were the case, the more sensible thing to say would be, "I'm hungry."

Acting on sensibilities, rather than our emotion therefore, might be a clue to my article subheading: How do I know what is real?

Are emotions reliable? Does acting on feelings lead to a logical interaction with a person or people? At the end of the conversation, do I feel clear or confused?

A lot of this has to do with perception, so sometimes, gaining a clear perception is the answer to knowing what is real. Perception relies on being sensible, which means being easily understood and remaining logical. This is perhaps key in having a clearer idea of what actually is taking place in front of us.

Distortion comes from the Latin word distortionem meaning to twist out of shape.

I have been in situations where I am talking to someone and all of a sudden my body chemically changes and I know I have a distorted perception. My senses tell me "Danger is ahead" even though my body is in a very safe space. It seems what is being attacked is something else entirely, something outside my physical sense, my mental world seems to be at threat and therefore, things just do not add up. Distortion is at the level of the mind. Therefore, if the mind cannot maintain clarity, I have to be aware that it is also prone to have distorted thinking and distortions in ideas.

I named this article pretending, as sometimes I feel like I pretend to go through life as I know what I am doing. I do if my mind is logical, though on the days when my mind is nonsensical, those days can be challenging, painful and regretful.

So on behalf of myself and confusion in the world, here is to logic and reasoning. Here is to using our senses. Here is to a clearer perception.