No Dice?

Did my brother just answer that?

He’s in town and apparently wanted us all to go bowling which I enjoy doing even though I’m terrible, but, it’s fine.

It’s just about fun and quality time, right?

I couldn’t help it, but thinking about the man of my dreams.

I told him I had an eye exam. I’m so overdue. I’m so happy I got to get sunglasses also this time.

I’m so sick of transitioned glasses. I’m transitioned out… To be honest.

There was one time he said that to me, I was asking about a trip he was on and he said "no dice". I’ve never heard that expression before and tied it to him l. I just thought it was too funny that my brother said that today.

He posted a picture today!

Oh my gosh…. Can I kiss him now??

I swear my heart started screaming.

Have you ever felt your heart screaming in your chest with excitement over something and like lock your phone really fast?

He’s the only one that gets my heart screaming… Jumping…. I can’t describe it any different.

He’s so amazing to me.

He’s such a man, so handsome..

He’s so strong and how cute with his "nephew" on his lap.

He’s got me wishing it was me.

I can’t wait to.

I miss him so much.

He’s been so patient.

He lets me do things I need to at my own pace.

I can take care of myself while getting this mess done and that means so much to me.

More than he could ever know.

He’s such a dream to me.

There’s this song, "all eyes on us" and not to say I’m too much into hiphop, but that song alone with "end up with you" is just a whole vibe.

He makes me smile at the sound of every love song.

He’s my love song.

He makes me love our love story. He’s the reason for it, after all.

He’s my "ride or die".

I remember when he used that expression too.

It was after a cycling class I did.

I was always so happy to tell him about those times.

I love sharing my day with him.

Thinking about a Friday, it’s the only day that makes sense to me.

A Friday, to call him, let him know I’m finally free.

I wonder what he will do.

Part of me hopes he brings me flowers.

White roses? Red?

The other part of me really doesn’t care.

It’s been way too long.

I just want him forever.

He’s so handsome in anything he wears.

I love his sunglasses.

I love him, all of him.

He’s something else.

Remembering his eyes at me.

I can’t help it, I can’t stop smiling.

This recent picture is imprinted in my mind. I closed my eyes and he’s still there. In my head. So handsome. I’m such a girl.

He saved me again.

He’s my hero.

He’s my desire.

This week I had yet another mental breakdown. This one was by far the worst in some time.

It’s just been so much darkness in my life, I should be used to it, but I’m not.

Leaving these shackles behind..

Breaking through these shackles..

Escaping this hell bit of a prison is going to be heaven sent.

He’s heaven sent to me.

Hashem sent him right on time.

He sounded so confident when I related my meltdown.

I cried for several hours.

I’m so thankful for him.

I’m so thankful for his attention, his time and attentive ears.

He’s isn’t living what I am, he can’t see me. He trusts me.

This means so much to me.

I trust him with all of me.

He’s the only one I want to share good and bad days with.

I feel so safe with him. I always have.

He makes it so easy for me to say what I need to.

He doesn’t stress me out nor trigger me, my anxiety.

He’s present when I need him the most.

I’m so in love with this man.

Once upon a time, I used to think all guys drove like him.

I was so beyond wrong. Every other guy gave me anxiety in the passengers seat.

There was even one who asked me if I enjoyed the ride.

This was at a church I went to years ago for some kind of youth conference.

I slapped that boy upside the head so fast and slammed the door, talk about endless regrets.

He’s the only one I feel safe with.

I would follow him anywhere.

Whether we’re talking or not, just being beside him makes me feel safe.

Hashem please help me when he calls us "we"…. I’m dreaming…

He’s my fairytale.

What if he writes me something..

I can’t wait to leave love notes around for him.

Just to see him smile at me.

I can’t wait for him to see my dress.

Him, his scent and presence gives me so much peace.

Wearing his shirts is something I want to do.

What would he do?

What would he say?

I’m so beyond nervous.

Have you ever told yourself to be on your best behavior?

Should I be on my best behavior?

No dice?