Here Comes Trouble!

Envision a middle-aged woman, 45 years old to be exact. She's wearing her very worst, ratty clothes because it's bedtime, and she likes to sleep in these dumpy duds - they're comfortable. The t-shirt that she’s wearing is at least twenty years old and is full of slashes, splits, rips, and tears. Her sweat pants aren't much better and are two sizes too big.

Her hair is dripping wet, she just finished her shower and didn't have enough time to blow it dry. Normally, she'd be on her way to bed, however she just received a phone call; her son needs a ride home from work, and it's almost midnight. She assumes that it'll be a quick trip, she won't even have to get out of the car, so nobody will see her. She grabs her car keys and dashes out the door.

This woman is me.

It was a warm July night, so I drove the entire way with the windows open. The warm, night air felt amazing, plus I figured that it would help dry my hair. It was a win/win situation, other than the fact that I have natural curly hair, and I now looked like a deranged, wild animal with an untamed, tangled mane.

- "Eh, it didn't matter, nobody was going to see me anyway."

I pull up in front of Walmart, and I immediately notice that it seems unusually busy. There was lots of people out shopping that night. I rolled up the windows and slid down in my seat.

"Gosh I hope that nobody I know shows up."

I'm waiting for my son; He should have already been out by now.

"Of all nights, he’s running late."

Suddenly I spot a stray cat wondering around in the parking lot. I've seen him many times before, he’s an old cat. It’s obvious by his scars that he’s lived a long and adventurous life. Many of the employees fed him, he was kind of a mascot for this particular store.

I watched him move across the pavement, dodging cars and avoiding strangers. I noticed that he was moving a little slower than usual; He seemed to be sore and tired.

I wondered if he’d been bumped by a vehicle or possibly been in a fight with another animal. My heart broke a little, and I start searching around in the car to see if I had anything edible that I could offer him. Eventually I decided to drive across the street and order a small, child-sized hamburger. I knew that I’d never be able to rest. I would spend the whole night worrying about that poor cat.

I went back to the parking lot and finally found him sitting on the curb. It was almost as if he knew what I was doing, and was patiently waiting for me to return. I stepped out of the car and proceeded to tear the hamburger into tiny pieces, and he was really enjoying his fresh, hot meal.

Suddenly a lady that I had never seen before approaches me, and she’s completely furious. Without speaking a word she kicks the hamburger out into the parking lot and stomps her feet, chasing the cat away.

“Excuse me.... why did you just do that?” I ask.

She spins around angrily pointing her finger at me and begins ranting.

“I dare you to feed that filthy stray cat!

I live right over there (she points to a house nearby) and that cat comes to my house and fights with my expensive, show-quality cat. I paid big money for my cat, and I have spent hundreds of dollars on vet bills because this stray keeps coming onto my property and attacking.”

A little stunned and shocked I manage to respond.

“Well, I’m sorry for your bad luck but I am feeding this cat and you should really just move on.”

She proceeds to slap the side of my car.

“I will not leave! It’s illegal to feed strays!”

Although I can feel my temper flaring, I remain calm.

“Uh, it is not illegal to feed a homeless cat.”

She takes a few steps closer to me and reaches out...I step back.

“Don’t lay your hands on me!” I warn.

She smirks “Or what...what are you going to do - hit me?”

I am getting more and more angry at this point.

“If you touch me, you’ll find out!”

“Okay, have it your way.” she pulls out her cell phone and dials 911.

“You need to send an officer quickly; this lady is threatening to hit me, and I am afraid for my safety!”

WAIT - WHAT!?

“Are you crazy? I did not threaten to hit you!"

I get back into my car, still trying to process what is happening. The lady continues to slap the side of my car, and she yells out:

“Help me, this woman is threatening me!”

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON! I felt like I was in the twilight zone or maybe somewhere even more twisted and confusing.

Now there is at least twenty or thirty people gathered around, and here comes two police cars with their lights and sirens.

I stay in the car while they’re talking to this woman, and she’s telling them an outrageous story none of which is true. I'm starting to feel dizzy from the confusion and bafflement.

“Mam, would you step out of the car please.” The officer is walking toward me.

"Oh no!"Here comes my son and he has a bewildered look on his face. The sight of my own son filled me with more dread than seeing that police officer approaching me.

I step out into the crowd of onlookers, and I feel like I’m going to faint when I see that the crazy woman is now sitting on the curb, holding her head and crying.

"I might need an ambulance, I don't know yet" she cries.

“Mom! what in the hell going on!" Someone came inside and told me that my mom was in the parking lot fighting.”

I can tell that my son is embarrassed as well as concerned.

“THERE WAS NO FIGHT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!”

I’m trying to defend myself.

I notice the officer looking at my tattered t-shirt.

“Oh great! I look like I lost this fight whether it happened or not.”

The officer points to my car. “Is that your cell phone?”

- YES!!!!!

I had laid my cell phone on the hood of the car. I had actually recorded myself feeding the cat so that I could show it to my son, and it was still recording! I had captured the entire event on camera and didn’t even know it.

After the officers watched the footage, they chased the crazy woman away and we all had a good laugh. I’m not sure if I was laughing at the situation that had just unfolded or if I was laughing because I was so astronomically embarrassed.

Apparently, the old stray had in fact attacked her cat, and she had been arguing with the store about the vet bills. Since the cat lived at Walmart and the employees took care of it, she wanted them to pay the bills.

I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and associating with the wrong cat.

That was the night that I almost got arrested for feeding a stray cat.

The night that everyone in the whole store came running to watch two old women slug it out in the parking lot.

It was when I decided that I’d never leave the house looking like a hot-mess again, no matter what time it is.

It’s also the night that I brought that old, mean, stray cat home with me.

I named him TROUBLE.

(and still to this day, he is very proud of himself)