A letter to my younger self *WARNING; may trigger mental anguish*
You really underestimate your intelligence and pathways.
***WARNING this may create mental anguish and the need to seek help from a professional in mental health or your doctor. There is someone out there to help you. Reach out to your local professionals.
You were young and you didn't realize that you're body was meant to bear more than pleasure for others let alone childbearing. You were young and uneducated and did not know you could have the life I'm giving you now.
You were homeless and didn't know that the richness of your own bookshelf was likely in your future. You were homeless and had no idea that you didn't really want a permanent home anyway.
You were sexually abused and didn't know that saying 'no' then being coerced to say yes was still rape. You were sexually abused and in your future, you still don't know if reporting it feels right.
You can have everything you always dreamt of, they weren't actually big dreams. You can go to university and make a difference in other people's lives.
You can love both men and women.
You can follow your own version of success.
It is not too late EVER.
You can tell people what happened, your body doesn't need to keep their secrets. Your body doesn't need to carry the burden of other peoples mistakes.
You can feel, you can be real, you can be honest with the world and be honest with yourself.
If someone says you should focus on only *insert the many unwelcomed advice* ask yourself WHY?
Who should limit you but only yourself?
You can admit your pains, they are not vulnerable weaknesses, they will become your drive.
You can. You can. YOU CAN. Why? Because you are actually more resourceful than you think, you are actually smarter than you let on. You were actually full of strength when you felt weak. You didn't give up on your marriage, you actually took control of your life.
I love you. I love your body before and after children, I love your scars and I love your path. I am you now. And I am pretty incredible now, thanks to YOU.
I am now remarried to the most heartwarming intellectual gentleman. I now have the abilities to raise children with the implementation of selfworth and selfawareness. I have intellegent 3 children (teen/preteens).
Because of YOU I know what I want out of love, life, family and career. Because of you the limitations that I thought once stood in the way of any good life, have been removed.
So as you, my younger self reads this, know that it is okay to separate from biological unsafe situations. Know that money can not buy you, it never repaired you, it didn't show you a new type of love, and it is not at all a LOVE LANGUAGE in all circumstances.
So to you, my younger self, know that it was not your fault, that you were planted in a position that lead you down that dark path but you found the way out.
You paid off debts that were not your own. You consoled yourself at the loses of pregnancies. You walked away from pain and anguish. You saved yourself and others around you when you could have become harmful to yourself and those surrounding you.
YOU, did it, you did it without support. Without broadcasting it. Without empathy, sympathy or selfishness.
YOU made a new and more beautiful life for me now. I am loved, I am cared for, I am considered equal. But most of all...
I AM LEARNING TO LOVE YOU AS WHO I AM NOW.
About the author
Visual Communications & Social Media Specialist.
Photographer, Illustrator, Graphic Designer, Creative Writer, Content Producer & Curator, Editor, Columnist and Author. Passionate egalitarian.
Editor of HEART - the missing piece Magazine