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My Kin

A true story based on Music, Pain, Death, Love, Victory and more...

By J.F.T. (Jah-Femi Telewa)Published 4 years ago 8 min read
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My favourite song choice...

Permanent Stains from a Drop

To be honest when I saw the heading and requirements relating to this challenge, two options for entries came to mind: I could go for entering my best song with the memory of the loss of my father at the age of 12 attached to it, or go with the song relating to the story of my victory over mental illness and life’s challenges, a song that highlights immortality rather than mortality, a song which my dear long ailing and now deceased father along with every single ancestor in my genetic lineage and future generations would live through by virtue of the fact that they are connected to me and thus this product of mine that can’t be touched by time or death in the same manner our bodies and memories can, a piece of me and by extension them, that has existed and will continue to so in data banks of technology for eternity...

Everything is History

Although I was born in Birmingham, UK... in 1981, I left at the age of three with the promise of a better life with my immediate family in Nigeria, West Africa. Within six years, my father developed Motor Neurone Disease (MND) and died three years after the diagnosis. It started with him showing me a slight twitch in his arm. I watched him change from a strong and proud man, a former teacher turned business executive of a large and famous telecommunications company, into a physically weak man, with his limbs and speech severally deteriorating to the point of total disability. We had to feed him daily. It continued as such until he found it hard to even move his own lungs, and the only thing that remained strong and sharp was his brilliant mind. I remember a song that always played on the radio back then, a song that I replayed in my mind upon hearing the news that he wasn’t to return from hospital, a song I previously teared up over at the thought of losing him even when he was alive, a song that I still have in my mind almost 26 years after that dreadful day...

1993: We sold everything in Africa, my mother and I, and returned to the UK, this time to London to be with my two brothers. Life was relatively normal from that point on, until...

2011: I was sitting at home when I suddenly heard a voice; it seemed as if it was beamed directly into my head, not the sort that you heard through your ears.

It started describing everything I saw or was looking at, my thoughts or what I was about to think, as well as what I was about to do.

I felt alarmed and immediately started searching for a hidden camera, thinking, “that would surely explain how someone was able to know what I was doing”. I did not immediately consider the odd entry of the sound and predictions of my next move and thoughts, at least not yet.

I asked my mother if she could hear anything, and she said she couldn’t. I ran outside wildly, escorted by my two brothers imploring me to relax; I felt threatened because the voice said it would attack me, so I climbed the light pole outside my house overlooking my window, thinking, “surely that dark object...” (light sensor on top of the street light) “has a camera hidden in it...”

I nearly got to the top but couldn’t muster enough energy to make the final climb. I retired to my house, determined to find out what was going on. This lead to a series of similar and more severe erratic acts. I was soon diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and had to stay at a mental hospital for a few months to get treatment.

Since I could remember, up to the age of 16, I was creative, able to produce decent and inventive art, music, and stories. Somehow I had lost these abilities, not even remembering I was good at them or making the obvious decision to study the related subjects at college or university. I selected totally unrelated subjects, picking computer science at college and media technology at university.

It wasn’t until after the first instance of this type of hospitalisation that my abilities suddenly got unlocked.

2013: I was released from a lengthy admission and found myself in a flat somewhere in Harrow, London, UK.

I had constant pains, which the medical professionals deemed imaginary and part of my hallucinations. Whatever they were, they were unbearable and very debilitating. They have since significantly reduced in severity but at the time the only thing that made it remotely bearable was the distractions caused by symptoms of the very same illness. Sometimes I would look at the mirror and the voices would taunt me, offering the worst statements of hate and jest leading me to smash my fist against the mirror, the glass cutting into the skin on hands and releasing a flow of blood. Other times I would dislocate my knuckles because I hit them against the concrete walls so hard. This would only spur the voices on. I would rather harm myself than others, I thought, at least when I had a small measure of control over my thoughts and actions. These were all moments I’m not proud of but was uncontrollably motivated to carry out.

With all this going on I found comfort downloading various apps on my phone, in their numbers, daily. I downloaded a piano app called Music Studio on my iPhone. It simplified composing music and made it possible to play a large variety of instruments using only piano keys.

Despite the distractions and severe pains I immediately got engrossed; my abilities flooded back and I was able to create one song after another and within less than three hours, I had composed 28 songs.

Not long after that I ended up in hospital due to erratic actions acted out in public. The subsequent years consisted of the continuous reoccurrence of erratic actions resulting in hospitalisations. Then, after my last release in 2018, I was left partially blind as a result of the medication that I was given. It took one year and six months for me to regain my bearings due to the constant drowsiness the medication caused. To date, I’m still partially blind and the doctors think it is permanent and untreatable. They also refuse to relate the cause to the medication despite the fact that the blindness developed immediately after the medication was administered.

In June 2019 I decided to write a short story very early in the morning after having a sleepless night due to being kept awake by the voices. I completed the story in the early afternoon the same day.

I sent it off for editing and it got published in August 2019. I decided to produce a soundtrack to compliment the book using the music I previously composed in 2013. I then produced two other EPs for the books I plan to write in the future, also taken from the previously composed tracks.

On the 2nd of October 2019, I received an email stating that I’d received a Gold Award for my book from Literary Titan.

I didn’t open the email until the 29th of October. In my excitement I wrote a poem underneath the page in the comments section as soon as I saw the award. It contained an error, so I uploaded the edited version on the 2nd of November, asking that the first be removed. It was, and the edited version stayed up for a couple of months after. Oddly, this edited version has also since been removed, so here’s the poem, now to be featured in my upcoming book titled “Vengeful Strike”;

A long time ago it was foretold,

that the prize for hard work was gold,

written in books,

far from a hidden code,

dug out and discovered,

by men of old,

hearts eagerly sought,

to make bodies turn cold,

All For The Love of Gold...

J.F.T.

(Written: 21:44 GMT 2/11/19)

Forever Favoured

Within the next few months my songs collectively featured in the ReEx (RepostExchange) Top 40 charts over ten times.

This leads me to my favourite song; it was initially titled “My Kith” after the storyline for the upcoming book “Vengeful Strike”, but I later changed it to “My Kin” upon deciding ‘Kin’ was more suitable, symbolising the love between a brother and sister in the story and hoping it would reflect the love shared between me and my ‘Two’ siblings...

The story behind it is emotional, relevant, and timeless. The album Colour blood red. “My Kin” was not only the first song to rise to No. 1 in the charts, it did so twice in the space of a week.

I seriously hope all the things I’ve written here doesn’t sound conceited of me and that you understand my song choice by taking into consideration it’s deep history and significance to me. This song will outlive me and many generations to come; it is more than a symbol of just my blood, pain, tears, and life journey, it symbolises everything that is love, life, and family. It unites my past, present, and future, it is my DNA constructed in the organised noise that is music, a melodic scream uttered by suppressed and tampered keys alongside drawn and plucked strings that soothes souls and brings comfort to the distressed, despite the fact that it originated from great discomfort and uncertainty.

Thanks for reading...

✌&🧡

PS:

Everything here relating to the creation of my music and books were documented in my Facebook page as they occurred... feel free to explore my public profile, you are more than welcomed to.

Jah-Femi Telewa

aka

J.F.T.

humanity
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About the Creator

J.F.T. (Jah-Femi Telewa)

J.F.T is a Gold Award-winning short story writer & Multiple Top 40 charting composer. J’s 4 times #1 hits include tracks titled My Kin & Ironically Carbonated, taken from the soundtrack of another one of J’s upcoming books Vengeful Strike.

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