Melodies of the disenfranchised

(i originally created this to enter the competition about the angsty music that helped you during your teens and stuff but turns out vocal+ is sort of a scam. i want people to see what i read anyways so im posting it here.)

i have had many friends come and go in my life, like the ocean's waves early in the morning. but the companion who has stayed with me the longest is desolation. The cultural rift between who my parents were and who i was destined to be grew more apparent with every waking day. We spent my childhood drawing threads of tears from crushing fears, and spent my teenage years tangled in them. The list of music i present to you is how i navigated and processed this pain. If some of the older audience dont recognise many of these songs it's because as of now i am 18. I'm still experiencing the bitter aftertaste of the last 7 years and healing from it so a lot of the music that has played a part in my journey are barely a few years old. with that said, here is the music.

1. Track 10 - Charli XCX

Probably the most beautiful love letter ever written in music, Charli apologises for holding the person she loves responsible for her own mistakes while simultaneously reconciling with the fact that he can however be held unintentionally accountable for it. It's laced with a heavy dose of acceptance, embracement and glitchy/electronic beats. You can tell she wrote this after a heavy emotional breakdown.

2. I never loved this hard this fast before - Tami T

A hypnotic, synth heavy masterpiece centred around the calm after the storm. From struggles with her trans identity to abusive partners, Tami details her trauma explicitly in her music with an aggressive bluntness. It can seem quite unusual and out of place when first heard, however it's simplicity adds to its purity. its beautful, honest and sexual, but most of all, its innocent. In this song, Tami has found the one. Her lyrics are so overwhelmingly Joyful, with such a powerful sense of appreciation for her lover, complimenting his sexual prowess and his silver tongue which he uses to shower her in heartwarming compliments. Her appreciation for him is apparent, he has become both a blanket of joy and the looking glass in which she interprets the world through, her lyrics are filled with endless love, however the production is the complete opposite, it is full of despair. The melodies clash together to create the sound of heartbreak. After spending her whole life growing thicker skin day by day to protect herself from the world, she is in the process of shedding it and it hurts. The instrumental embodies her processing her trauma. Now that she has found shelter in the arms of her lover she can finally allowe herself to feel everything she had pushed deep down.

3. Infatuation - SOPHIE

Taken from Sophie's 'Oil of every pearls un-insides', an album dedicated to the world that exists beyond the material, infatuation perfectly encapsulates her message. Like Tami T, SOPHIE was a trans woman, and with trans identity comes baggage. She has found more comfort in the mind and soul than in the body as a result of social and cultural constructs that shaped the way we as men and women should present ourselves. Its something that i have struggled with as well since before i was a teenager and have only recently started processing. This song accompanied me when i revisited my darkest days as a body dysmorphic teen, helping me acknowledge the layers of myself that went far beyond my skin. Infatuation is an angelic hymn full of gentle curiosity, like two lovers learning everything about each others body. It is, in my opinion, one of the most ethereal created by the now deceased SOPHIE, who died only this January, falling while climbing to her roof to see the full moon. A fitting death for an Angel.

4. Dios nos libre del dinero - Rosalia

a testament to the suffering that has struck the world at the hands of capital, Rosalia, Spain's most distinctive artist begs god for redemption. In Dios nos libre del dinero (which translates to 'god free us from money') Rosalia brings into light how money often corrupt and/or worsen the healthy dynamics that exist in your life, which it does. Growing up in a marginalised ethnic community with a lack of wealth, Afghans often have a crippled relationship with their children. from cultural responisbilities to social standards, family feuds are more than expected and the one thing that seems to make it all worse is poverty. Only last night did my mother cry and ask my forgiveness for failing to provide me with a real home. Money amplifies guilt, trauma, rage, desolation. Its good when its abundant but a nightmare whn you dont have enough. this song represents this cycle of struggle unlike anything i have ever heard before.

5. Lo Vas A Olvidar - Rosalia ft Billie Eilish

Rosalia and Billie Eilish return with an absolute powerhouse of a song, releasing their greatest work yet. After i discovered it, this song was a mirror i looked at when i had my first heartache. There was a Goan boy at my school i used to look at a bit longer than i would other people, he was beautiful and extremely kind, i dont know many with a soul as gentle as his. After years of healing, i could, for the first time in my life imagiine what it would be like to walk down a street holding his hand, or cuddling him on the fields during sunset, or losing myself in a warm kiss. I worked up the courage and sent him a message, talking about everything, what was going on, how i felt, where i was in my mind. He rejected me. It was kind, he told me how brave i was for even telling him, how much he cared about me, how much my honest meant to him, but that he was in a relationship witha girl and that he was very happy with her. I didnt suffer in the following hours, or even weeks, he dropped the penny and it landed on a pillow. Life was still good. Flashforward to a month after everything went down an unexpected sadness struck me. After a while i soon came to realise i was processing his rejection, and throughout the whole journey Rosalia and Billie stayed at my side giving me the kind of comfort i have come to expect of music.

Lo vas a olvidar's instrumental is the complete manifestation of 'less is more'. The quiet synths and sounds in the verses replicate the feeling of ligthweight emptiness and deafening silence flawlessly. Desolation is laced into the very fabric of the words and melodies. It's clear that whoever Rosalia is on the verge of losing meant the world to her, and back then, he was the same for me

Thank you. i hope some of you have found angsty music worth enjoying in this list!