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Delight

Inspired by IU's Jam Jam

By sAkurasKeletonkInPublished 4 years ago 9 min read
2

According to how the singer describes it, this song depicts a moment before two people fall in love. It is understood that those two people have previously experienced other romantic relationships.

The narrator has a pessimistic view of love where they believe it has a “limit”, yet they are willing to “become a fool” and to “try everything” because of a need for affection. They don’t want to think the relationship through preferring to maybe keep it as an act. They don’t care about what is true and what is fake, they just desire love because that’s what they feel and what they want at that moment.

All in all, it’s a feeling of: “Let’s not look into things too much. Look at me: I love you right now, so let’s just make the most of it.”

In the same manner as IU has been an inspiration to many as a women known to have fought against mental health and eating disorders, her song has motivated me to write this little cheesy baby. (The song is actually pretty happy and probably about sex, but, true to myself, I felt the need to make things angsty.)

The Grouchy

The Grouchy has wandered the lands of relationships for long enough to lose faith in them. Where passion would come, it would leave soon enough in an unending cycle of harm and pain. They had wondered if they had been the source of their woe, wondered why their romantic ties always seemed to sever with time, and assumed that the blame lied on them.

The burden of that belief had led them to lose faith in love.

To hope for lasting relationships was idiotic, they thought, hardship would come without fail and fondness would rot. Breakups were inevitable. The sweetness of honeymoons swiftly lost its appeal, boredom hastily took the helm and pairs and bands would fall out of love.

It was a cycle.

It was natural.

Then, arrived The Mushy

They were sweet, caring, an adorable human being. The Grouchy felt like they were worth spending every moment of their life with. They couldn't grow tired of them. They didn't want to. And that hurt all too much.

The worse was: the warm feelings were mutual.

"Would you..." The Mushy had their hand behind their neck, shy, blushing. The listener knew the expression too well. "Want to grab a drink sometime?"

It stung.

The Grouchy turned, found something to busy themself with while he turned The Mushy's offer down: "Don't like drinking,” they spoke simply.

There was a moment.

"Then: a movie?" There was hope in the warm person’s voice, yet The Grouchy could hear they were hurt. They didn't want this to happen, didn't want to hurt The sweet sweet Mushy. Anger grew in their core and they let the wisdom to control it escape them.

"Say, what do you mean?" It all came out wrong, The Grouchy could see it in the other's humid eyes, how their tone had been too sharp, too cold.

Yet, they went on.

"Why don't you just say what you really want to say?" They preferred when timidity was what was making The Mushy blush. "I like you, you like me. Those are facts laid bare for the both of us. But the inevitable ending is just as unveiled. It will be as it always has ended for the both of us, and how it always ends."

What were they saying? Why were they speaking in such a way to The Mushy?

"So why are you doing this, huh? Why are you acting so carefully? Why does it seem like you're following some kind of unwritten protocol instead of just cutting to the chase so we can be done with this already?" They wanted to be free of their suffering.

The Mushy left.

The Friend

It was a friend, moments later, who spoke wisdom and heart into them again.

"You're a dumbass." They had said. The other had assumed they had heard of their discussion with The Mushy.

The Grouchy didn't look up from their computer. "So I've been telling myself all night."

"Has your insomnia taught you anything more than being pessimistic and self-depreciative?"

"...Not really."

"Would you mind if I helped you perform further thinking?"

"Go ahead."

Their friend sat. "You like them, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why don’t want to go out with them?"

"Because I already know how it’ll end. We'll grow tired of each other and it'll be done."

"You don't want to grow tired of him."

The Grouchy paused. "No."

"Because you care for them."

"Because it's painful," The Grouchy countered.

"So...Why don't you try things out?" If The Friend had seemed wise seconds ago, at that moment, they felt completely imbecilic.

They wondered aloud if their friend had been listening to their words.

"Yeah, but, I mean, I've known you for a while, and you've never let pain stop you 'til now since you’re kinda dumb. You usually went on with the relationships while totally disregarding my overt judgment. So I'm just wondering: is there something different now?"

"The person! The person is different." He was confused. Had his friend really not been listening?

“As in all new relationships…” The Friend’s jest wasn’t the most welcome. The Grouchy simply ignored it.

They proceeded with their explanation: "They’re just so...Simple in the best ways and have the most precious mimics...They're not someone I would want to hurt or forget. My love for them...It’s too precious to me. I'm scared I'll lose it."

There was a loving smile on The Friend’s lips.

"Why you smiling like that? It's creepy."

"Oh, fuck off! You ruined the moment. I was happy for you, ungrateful brat!"

"Why?"

"Nevermind that. Do you know why I'm here?"

"I don't know. Why are you here?"

"Because I’m your friend - and a good one at that so: start giving me the appreciation I deserve. Moreover, I’m here to remind you that, as your friend, it is my responsibility to tell you when you’re being dumb as fuck. And passing on being happy because you’re scared that one day you’ll stop being happy? That’s dumb as fuck – even though the fear is valid. You might not listen to me in the end - and that’s your right – but I want you to know that: I’ll always be there to barge into your apartment just like today to slap some facts into your face. That includes if you ever forget why you care for The Mushy.”

The Grouchy listened but remained silent.

"Although, between you and me, I don't feel like you'll stop liking this one. You might find flaws in them, might get annoyed by them after spending too much time together, but you'll continue to find details to love about them every day." The Friend took a moment to stare at The Grouchy, searching for reactions. "And you might break up one day, but you'll have been happy."

"W-what-" Their presence was shaking The Mushy. They hadn't talked since The Grouchy had turned them down rather aggressively. "What do you want?"

"How about dinner? My place?" They did their best to communicate their apologetic feelings through their tone and expressions.

In the warm person’s eyes passed a multitude of emotions. If there was hope in the beginning, sadness and anger had quickly won over to install distrust. However, there was something warm in the end. Something a bit naïve, something generous. When they settled for a raised eyebrow and a cool: "Fine." before turning their back to the other and leaving, they seemed very noble.

Somehow, it made The Grouchy smile.

The Fool

The Grouchy had poured their heart into decorating their dining room with the cheesiest romantic details. They knew their date would like it, knew they would understand love when it was communicated through gestures.

Surely enough, when they noticed the burning candles and the food The Grouchy had prepared for them; the shy blush was back on his cheeks.

"You didn't have to go through all the trouble," they spoke humbly nonetheless.

"I did."

They both knew what The Grouchy had meant.

Their date seemed taken aback, saddened by the statement. "If this is just to apologize..." They began, the other didn't let them finish.

"It's not."

The Grouchy's answer seemed to please the other. They let a smile brighten their expression, already lit by the warmth of the candles.

The host invited them to sit.

"Why the sudden shift in...I don't know. The other day you-"

"This is the proper way of doing things, no? We chat over dinner, fall bit by bit more in love with each other-"

"If you're just continuing what you started last time I don't want to hear it." The Mushy cut them.

Their hands were off the table, appetite seemingly cut. They were looking away, tears threatening to shed at any moment.

"Sorry.” They reflected on their words, winced. They vowed to themselves to work on warmer sentences. Some that wouldn’t harm unintentionally by projecting discouraging views. They guessed they would probably have to start by vanquishing those views. They breathed in, starting anew. “I'm not." They assured. "I don't want to think of what could happen. It scares me to think I could lose this, what I'm feeling. It's good, warm. I don't want to let it go."

"Me neither." The Mushy's smile, The Mushy's love, it all was so sweet.

The Grouchy smiled back. "I overthink a lot and have a hard time not keeping myself down to Earth- or rather: I have a hard time not being painfully pessimistic about things like this. But with you...Even though a part of me feels like it would all be fake...I feel like I need this."

They continued: "I guess this is kind of an impulsive decision on my part but I don't…” They took time to find the right words. “…want to think about what’s the truth or what is not. I kinda just feel like going with the flow and...Letting the candle burn while there's fire? I guess?" They had spotted the burning lights on the table, appreciated that they had helped them find an end to their sentence.

The Mushy let out a giggle. It was cute although mocking. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Okay." It was The Grouchy's turn to feel shy. They already felt so vulnerable letting their romantic interest know what was going on in their mind, yet they went on, reassured by The Mushy's words."It's like, I feel like this might be bad for me in the end but I just really, really want it...It's kinda like junk food?"

The Mushy laughed. It was delightful. "Am I junk food?"

"You’re so sweet; sometimes I fear I might get cavities." They felt gutsy with that one. The Mushy's chuckle was rewarding.

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About the Creator

sAkurasKeletonkIn

Trans, enby, pan and depressive author, I try to be open about my experiences for my fellow psychology fanatics out there.

You can find me on twitter @sakuraskeletonk and on YouTube and Instagram @sakuraskeletonkin.

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