Talara Nolan
Bio
I am a single parent to a 4 year old girl and live with her in Canada. I love working out and have lost over 45 lbs over time. I would love to share what I have learned and all the things that have worked for me over time.
Stories (95/0)
How to deal with someone that is waiting to die?
My family isn't healthy, most of them. I have known this for some time. However, living with them has brought a new level of understanding for me. Of things that I didn't see before. My mother is very unhealthy. She was diagnosed with having MS at some point. She has been getting worse over time. At this point, she doesn't leave her house ever. Last summer, she would sit on the porch at least. Though that has stopped. She only goes out if she has to go to the doctor's or get blood done or something like that. The frustrating thing for me is that she has no desire to get better. She has no desire to try and get better in any way. I don't think that people are understanding that. Her doctor's and her physio people talk to her like they are trying to help her. I'm not sure how else to say it to people, that there is no point in giving her advice, she won't do it. Unless you see it, you don't at all understand that this woman is just surviving.
By Talara Nolan9 days ago in Families
Is it possible I was always meant to be single?
There was a time in history that the normal path for people was to find someone and get married. However, as time evolves, I feel like it is changing. Now there are more people that say that they are going to stay single. That they have no desire to date and plan to live the rest of their life being single. A lot of that is a very positive thought. The thought that you complete yourself, that you don't need a man to complete. Or maybe it's that your kids complete you and that is all you need. The dynamic has shifted so much from what it uses to be. Women can pay their own bills, build their own lives, and do it on their own. I am not saying that sometimes we don't need a man, or that men are not good in something, either. Sometimes I think that I can do it, but I would like it if I had a man to do it for me. Maybe my path is that I pay for a man to do it for me. As I move forward, I am considering what my future will look like and what I really want.
By Talara Nolan13 days ago in Families
We remember the good times, not the bad
I saw a TikTok recently that really spoke to me. When we are in the bad relationship, we are trying to get out. You dream about leaving in the darkness that you are in. Then you finally get out, and you think you miss him. We always think of the good times that you had. It's like you say you miss him, no you don't you just spent all that time trying to get away from him. It was what I needed to hear, for sure. Looking at pictures, I could see the good times that we had, and was forgetting all the rest. It's easier to remember the good times, I think. We don't take pictures of the bad times, right. I sort of wish that I did, then maybe it would be easier to remember them. I was forgetting all the tears I cried, when I would sleep alone as he cheated, the isolation, the abuse, the put downs. It was easier to remember the half hour that we went to the park. I spent all that time trying to escape him, and even considering that I was missing him is a crazy thing.
By Talara Nolan20 days ago in Journal
Ready to dream of another...one day
Going through my abusive relationship was a lot for me to deal with. Right after, I thought I would never even dream of someone else. Not because he was the one person for me. But because I had been through so much, the thought of dealing with another man's shit was just too much for me. I told everyone that I would never date anyone else ever again. The thought of having to date someone else seemed exhausting. All I wanted to do was to focus on myself, my daughter and building us a better life. I also wanted to do it on my own. I wanted to prove that I could build my dream life without a man. Something that he never said that I could do. My ex always said that I needed him to build a great life for myself. So I wanted to prove that I didn't need that. I had heard people say that they didn't want to date anymore as they didn't want to listen to someone else breath, or they didn't want a man to ruin their day before 8am. It just showed how I felt.
By Talara Nolan23 days ago in Journal
The hardest part of trying to remain strong
I thought that leaving my abusive relationship, leaving his house, would be the hardest part. I thought that everything that came after that was going to be easy after what I went through. What I am finding is that the healing, dealing with the aftermath, is just as hard. At least for me, it may even be harder. Making the decision to leave, was like ripping a band-aid off. But the aftermath, has been like taking a band-aid off one hair at a time. I am trying to leave from it, I am trying to heal. After everything I have been through, all I want is to live in a life of joy and peace and happiness. When you are the only one trying to make your life and yourself better, most people don't get it. My problem is that the people in my life are not on that road. I know that is okay, as everyone is on their own path. If they are not on a path of building their dream life, then they don't understand why you would want to do that.
By Talara Nolan27 days ago in Motivation
Where is my drive to do better
Before I met him, I would say that I had a drive to do better, to be the best that I can be. To try and reach my goals. I would tell people if you don't like something, then change it. Otherwise, don't complain about it. I said that and I meant it. During covid, I took the time to focus on my health. And I lost over 50 pounds. I always wanted to be a writer. And I was able to both write a book, but self-publish it on Amazon. In my past, I have done so much to go towards my goal. I am not a perfect person. There have been many times in my life that I found myself stuck in where I was in life. Even when I was with him, in the beginning, I would listen to him talk about how he wanted to do all these things. So I would say to him, 'if you want to do it, then start it, otherwise stop complaining about it'. I feel like I had such drive, and now I'm not sure where it went. I want that drive back, that drive to push myself, that drive to do better. I feel like he beat it out of me. But that doesn't mean that I have to stay this way.
By Talara Nolan30 days ago in Motivation
Confidence with myself through the sadness
Why am I still so sad? This break up should not be this upsetting for me. It's not like it's a big surprise. I have known for some time that us living together as a family would never be an option. The thing I wasn't sure about was how I was going to get out of this. He's not a person that sees reason, so trying to talk to him like an adult just doesn't happen. This is the way out that I was waiting for. I saw a video on TikTok of someone saying that the sadness is not because of the person, it's not because you made the wrong choice, but because you are grieving the dream. You are grieving the fairy tale and all the dreams you thought were possible with that person. I think that it is hitting me hard this time because of the level of disrespect. It's one thing for it to end, it's another thing for it to end like this. At the same time, I think about the fact that I have had a feeling that he was cheating for the entire time that we were together. So this is not a shocker to me in any way. It's just different when it's so clear and so disrespectful. I keep trying to shake myself out of it. I always had faith in myself before him, had faith that I was going to be okay and figure out my life. Part of my sadness, has been that he seems to have taken my confidence away. Taken my faith away. I want to find my confidence again. To take my faith back. I will be okay, and I will figure it out. Somehow I know that I will build a great, and better life without him.
By Talara Nolanabout a month ago in Motivation
When no one is in your corner
Everyone in my house got sick this week. I feel like my step-father got one sickness and my daughter got another sickness just at the same time. She gave me her sickness, of course. So the past few days I have felt really worn down. I keep going, as that is what I do, though I can also feel that I am not at my best. I'm just pushing through, getting by with the help of energy drinks. I'm not sure if it is me feeling sick that has fueled my depression, or maybe I am just depressed. I feel like I have no one in my corner, no one that is proud of me, no one that is really there for me. I wish I had no person that I could talk to, one person that really cared, no one person that believed in me. When no one believes in you, that is a very lonely feeling. I have been trying to feel proud of myself, focusing on my own strength. Not looking to someone else to be in my corner, so that I can be the only one I need in my corner. When you are feeling sick, and just run down, that is a hard thing to do. So I am hoping that when I am feeling better I will be able to be more productive, and focus on trying to make myself proud. I already have such a uphill battle to feeling proud of myself, that feel sick is just too much for me to handle.
By Talara Nolanabout a month ago in Motivation
When the passion goes away
I watched a video where the person was talking about their perfect day. It got me thinking about what my perfect day would be like. I'm not sure why, but I just can't seem to think about anything. Thinking about my perfect day I'm not sure what that looks like anymore for me. I feel like I have no job or direction anymore. Where did all my feelings of joy go? My biggest concern is that if I don't know what my perfect day is, then what is my goal to get to? I want my days to be filled with joy, and happiness, and purpose. For some reason, I'm just not sure where my real and pure joy is. The question is where did I lose that real direction? Was it after my trauma? Or has it just come from age? We get into a routine of life, going to work, getting by, going through the motions. When that happens, we lose things. Such as feeling real joy, real happiness, real purpose.
By Talara Nolanabout a month ago in Motivation
Are we growing a society of no direction or hope?
Growing up there were never conversations about what I was going to do with my life. There were no conversations about goals, or aspirations, or purpose. Though I also knew that was my situation, specifically to me. For most of my childhood, my family was just trying to get through the day. Due to addiction and abuse going on. When I was in high school, no one ever talked to me about what my goals were. My only goal was getting through high school. So when I graduated from high school, I just got the first job that I could and started working. I went through my life just getting by. No talks about goals or hopes or trying to do better. Though when I was in my late 20s, I do remember there being talk about purpose and goals. About finding your purpose in life. A lot of that came from Oprah when she was on the air. There was a period of time when there was talk about it, about finding your purpose and your goals. Somewhere along the line, I feel like it went away. I just don't feel like there is so much talk about it now. Not a lot of talk about what your purpose is in life.
By Talara Nolan2 months ago in Motivation
When you ride or die for the wrong person?
My problem is that I am a ride or die kind of person. If I love you, if I am really there for you, then I will do anything for you. I will do anything to protect you, and stand up for you. I really am a ride or die kind of women. They type that says 'if you are going over the cliff then I'm going over the cliff too'. When I make a commitment, a real commitment, I can't give it up. I can't just let it go or walk away. I have a problem with giving up. It's like I see it that I failed, and that just isn't an option to me. In general, there is nothing wrong with that. Being loyal to someone in general is a good thing, and a good way to live life overall. But what do you do when you commit to the wrong person? Someone that doesn't appreciate it, doesn't see it, takes advantage of you. Getting out, and seeing through the darkness is the hardest thing to do.
By Talara Nolan2 months ago in Families
Why is moving on so hard?
Wasn't I able to feel real joy before him? It's driving me crazy is that I now find it so hard to feel joy or to be proud of myself. He took away my confidence, my joy, my inner happiness. I feel like he broke my spirit. Like most people now, I posted videos on TikTok. Someone that use to know me follows me. Just from my video he made a comment that I sound broken recently. While I haven't seen him in many years, and I don't think highly of his opinion, it made me wonder if it's true. What even brings me joy anymore. I know that with every put down, every hit, it went out of me. It also doesn't help where I live. Living with my family is really stopping my journey to get better. Picking on people is very funny to them. For me, it's very hard. It's also is very hard for my daughter, which only brings me more stress. I feel like any time that I think I am doing well something happens to knock me down again.
By Talara Nolan2 months ago in Journal