Sianna Knight
Bio
I am 17 years old, and I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the age of 15 and bipolar 1 disorder at the age of 14. Writing has become my way of expressing myself while creating a space for others to feel seen
Stories (8/0)
I've Been to The Psych Ward 17 Times. Here's Why I am not Crazy.
When one hears the term "mental hospital", it's safe to assume that most people's minds would go to strait jackets, halls echoing with screams, and patients having conversations with people in their heads. There is so much stigma around the idea of being hospitalized because the media portrays it as a place serial killers and "crazy" people go. What many people don't know is that getting admitted, or even just having harmful thoughts, is more common than you think. According to the CDC, in 2020, 12.2 American adults seriously considered suicide. While thoughts of harming yourself or others may not necessarily be normal, they are a common occurrence, and asking for help should be normalized.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Psyche
A Letter to My Future Lover
Dear future lover, I hope you passionately enjoy something insanely foul, the same way I enjoy milk with ice and Oreos with cheese and orange juice. Maybe something like wasabi in your ice cream. I hope no day goes by where I don't tell you how much I hate your opinions, and I hope each day you remind me I have no room to speak because I'm a chocolate, cheese, and orange juice enjoyer.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Humans
Recovery is Lonely
I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is okay to express hurt. Letting someone know that they upset me isn't me guilt tripping them. It isn't manipulation. I'm not being overdramatic. I am allowed to feel the way I feel. But still, I can't help but feel as though I'm doing something wrong when I'm expressing any discomfort someone may have caused me. I wish there was a way I could be seen and heard without potentially upsetting anyone else. I want to be understood without risking harming others.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Psyche
Forgive Me, Body
Forgive me, body. Forgive me for ignoring your needs in an attempt to fit the wants of others. Forgive me for punishing myself for being human by jeopardizing your health. Forgive me for using the fraction of focus my brain had left to memorize the calories of every fruit in my house. Forgive me for using other people's happiness in their thinner bodies as motivation to hurt you. Forgive me for taking away your control- your only job in life is to keep me alive, and I tried to take that away from you. Forgive me for the nights I made you so weak you would lose consciousness every time I tried to stand up. Forgive me, body.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Psyche
I am not a boy, I am not a girl, I am not nonbinary. I am.
"What do you identify as?" There's always a pause before I answer, "I'm a girl; I use she/her pronouns". The truth is, I do not want my identity to be labeled. I don't want to be something; I just want to be.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Pride
BPD: The Favorite Person
A "favorite person" (FP) is a term in the bpd community characterized by an intense attachment to one specific person. This person may become our only motivation to wake up, and our only reason for living. Our life tends to revolve solely around our FP's actions and mood. A simple one-word response in a text could send us spiraling for weeks. However, with proper treatment, this bond can become a very beautiful and healthy thing.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Psyche
BPD Diagnosis- What Next?
As a woman suffering with borderline personality disorder, it is greatly damaging to my mental health when I Google bpd and the first things that show up are articles on how to deal with your "abusive borderline ex", or "reasons you should never date a borderline". When I first got my diagnosis, I wanted nothing to do with it because of the stigma around the disorder. I thought I would be labeled as "crazy", or "unstable" for the rest of my life. However, there are a few things I wish I would have known when the doctors gave me my diagnosis that would have helped me take back my life instead of letting my diagnosis control me.
By Sianna Knight2 years ago in Psyche