Reuben Salsa
Bio
Salsa is a fever dream. A whisper carried over the mountains. He’s an illusion. An idea that sways the masses. The grand Oz serenading us with messages of hope and despair in equal parts. Careful, he's itching for a fight.
Stories (10/0)
101 Unpopular Opinions — The Ultimate Must-See List
Beyoncé is overrated David Attenborough is overrated and nothing more than a glorified voice-over artist Strawberries are disgusting White people’s weddings are uniformly dull and monotonous in all facets People drink gin because it’s trendy Quentin Tarantino is a hideous person The whole politically correct gender pronoun thing. Drives me insane: he/she/we/them/her/him. Makes me want to come up with my own version: yeti/Bigfoot/ballbagger/cryptid. Star Wars isn’t very good My dick pic will make panties melt and women faint Marriage no longer works Chinese food is horrible. I hate dumplings, Custard is glorified child’s vomit Rice pudding is squelchy yukkiness in a bowl When people call themselves an “Influencer” but their way of influencing is posting a few meaningless words a few times a week to inspire People who connect with you and then send a huge message that’s full of waffle and bollocks People that connect with you and then message you a few times a week just to say “Hi” or “How are you”? Nutella Chocolate on toast is a cry for help. I always did this as a child and one day I suddenly started having trouble breathing. Thanks Nutella. Now I eat with with a spoon and an epi pen in hand Mashed Potato is the most disgusting thing ever invented Jamie Oliver is the most irritating man on earth Its a bread roll, not a barm or a bread cake or a bap People who call other people “hun” are intellectually challenged Pineapple on pizza Coldplay are overrated Linkedin is better for dating than Tinder The Office US is far better and funnier than the UK original Dark chocolate digestives are better than milk chocolate digestives Scones — definitely jam then cream, why would you do it any other way? 99% of online marketing advice only works if what you’re selling is marketing The bible is to popular culture what Kim Jung-Un is to golf. A pack of lies. Balls taste of better when dipped in salted caramel chocolate Friends the program is shite. Friends IRL are over rated American pancakes with bacon and maple syrup are better than English ones Naming your penis is stupid Gordon Ramsay is pretty damn hot GOTs is so boring. It’s the equivalent of stabbing your eyes with a rectal examiner over and over again 99% of poetry sucks You won’t find true love. Better to settle for average LinkedIn is the best social media platform and everyone should be focusing on it Beer out of a can tastes weird Open office environment is a breeding ground for germs Drinking wine isn’t classy. You’re just a posh drunk. Pugs are ugly not cute Dirty is good Jason Momoa isn’t all that hot. An automatic license is as good as a manual license People who claim to hate online bullying yet do it themselves I don’t like dogs, any size or any breed. They smell Chocolate is gross What is the point of Ed Sheeran? Drakes music is awful, he’s talentless and fooling us all Bovril is better than Marmite Pouring hot water on your windscreen to clear the ice will not crack it Virgins are real Just because I choose not to have children does not mean: I can’t / I don’t like children / make me a weirdo / or you can spend all of your time trying to convince me why I should Just because the average dress size in Australia is a 14–16 does not make it OK. We’re calling it body positivity but we’re actually encouraging obesity. Political correctness is killing the honest opinion in this world. I refuse to change the way I speak just because some people need to get out more Lord of the Rings is complete shite Milk doesn’t build strong bones Marriage is a patriarchal tool that’s gaslit women into giving away their sexual agency and right to take up their own space Gary Vee talks for hours and doesn’t say a thing I think Simba from the Lion King is a little git Musicals are just awful! All that bursting into spontaneous song will not bring about world peace or save humanity Baby on Board stickers on the back of cars are a waste of time. Me noticing a sticker just before I plough headlong into the back of your car isn’t a preventative action Most women can’t drive (note: I am not most women) Harry Potter is crap Religious content should be allowed on every platform Vegans, vegetarians etc… should praise us meat-eaters for keeping their precious plants safe There aren’t enough plants for everyone to switch to a plant-based diet so stop trying to convert the world Brown Cars Mushrooms are the work of the devil and should stay in the ground I don’t like Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead or Peaky Blinders Nando’s is completely overrated, overpriced and generally shite Humus is grated spew made by the devil to convince meat eaters they’re being healthy Avocados crushed is fucking guacamole and should never be eaten in public The gym is and always has been an insidious place full of narcissistic men intimidating women Mayo is better on chips than ketchup Test cricket is the greatest invention ever made by humankind People who start every sentence with ‘So’ Identity politics People who pick and choose the validity of ‘Science’ when it suits them Slacktivism People who have not yet had to live in the real world, working a real job and paying for their way, dictating to others on how they should live their life Powerpoint is dead Print is dead SEO is dead Foo Fighters is better than Nirvana Earth is a flat disk Reality Stars are not stars. So why do people claim they are? and why are they doing so well financially considering they’ve offered the community nothing as well as being not being talented? Writers — Please can they write their own stuff instead of having reboots/remakes, etc. Why can’t all films that are sequels just put a fucking 2,3,4 at the end of all their films Films or tv shows based on sleeping with each other is not TV entertainment. From 2000 onwards the quality of music and TV have both been in decline Olives are just disgusting. They stink. They’re oily. They have pips! ALL Social media and the self obsessed culture of fake everything Fuck the ’80s. They were awful to live through so why glorify that crap Pot noodle sandwiches are very underrated “Disrupting the xyz industry” is the most annoying slogan/tagline/thing that is said way too often. The word disrupting has essentially lost all meaning job searching can be fun The wedding industrial complex is predatory capitalism Michael Jackson just loved children and chimps
By Reuben Salsa4 years ago in Lifehack
How To Go Viral Elvis Style
I’m the Elvis that refuses to leave / the rock-n-roller out to deceive / I’m the super-virus infection / the numbed reflection / the mass indigestion / of your viral flirtation / I’m more viral than a corona recycle / I’ve got more virus / in my finger / than that clown for a president stand-in ringer / I’m the super virus of viral / I shape the future with my retro booster / I’m a behemoth of a cut and paste job / I’m the noob without a past / a faker to the kingmaker / an historical reference too grand to be ignored /
By Reuben Salsa4 years ago in Poets
A Guide To Stress Free Parenting During Covid19 Pandemic
With only 24 hours in the day, it’s hard to keep your job and your kids entertained at the same time. Many of us are faced with the new reality of working from home and some might not make it out alive. Let me show you how you can make it more tolerable:
By Reuben Salsa4 years ago in Families
COVID-19 Positive News Stories
Everywhere you look it’s ‘Panic at the Pandemic’. A real clusterf**k of death and poor management. But among all the headline screaming there’s positive newsworthy stories too. Wild animals have returned. Pollution is clearing and humans are banding together to help out communities.
By Reuben Salsa4 years ago in Motivation
Stuck in a Checkout Line with an Urge to Scream
Some days I just run out of luck. The milk had been guzzled by the kids and I’m forced to drink black tea. The bread had been torn to bits by the three year old who thought fun was making mini missiles she could launch around the breakfast table.
By Reuben Salsa4 years ago in Feast
