Reed Alexander

Reed Alexander

I'm the foulmouthed horror movie critic. I post new reviews every Sunday, so stay tuned =D

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  • Reed Alexander
    Published 5 months ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'House of 1000 Corpses' (2003)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'House of 1000 Corpses' (2003)

    I haven't watched this movie recently, but I watched it so many damn times that I know it intimately. This movie is the first time I really identified Sid Haig as an actor and paragon of horror. I'd likely seen him before, maybe first in Planet Terror, but Captain Spaulding firmly cemented Sid into my memory. I'd see him along the way in things like Creature (2011), and of course every fucking thing that Rob Zombie ever does. We have to give Rob that. He rescues forgotten actors from the dust bin. Sid was the best find, I think.
  • Reed Alexander
    Published 5 months ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Toad Road' (2012)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Toad Road' (2012)

    Toad Road invokes an urban legend about a place where the seven gates of hell can be visited right here on earth, a place right in your own home town. It's the sort of stories you hear about that trail that use to be a utility road for an insane asylum, or a place like a sewer tunnel with labyrinthine ducts like the one in New Jersey. We had one in my home town in CT, the Norwich asylum. It's the sort of place you hear about when you're in high school; not coincidentally the place you likely went to do drugs. Or maybe that was just me and my friends. It starts with the sense you're being watched, then touched, then assaulted metaphysically, and so on. And here we find ourselves, of all the idiotic ideas, engaging in drug culture for a cheep thrill and a little sense of adventure. If you identify with that, you will love this movie. Even if you're just a ghost hunter who digs urban legends, you will love this movie.
  • Reed Alexander
    Published 5 months ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'White Noise: The Light' (2007)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'White Noise: The Light' (2007)

    You know, this movie wasn't half bad. I'm not sure what it had to do with White Noise, as there was almost zero connection to the original movie. The first movie dealt exclusively with EVP, and this movie basically didn't deal with it at all. I mean, it's kinda in the background, but I feel like the director just didn't understand what white noise EVP phenomenon is.
  • Reed Alexander
    Published 5 months ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of '31'

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of '31'

    Jesus fucking Christ Rob... you sure do know how to pull every god damn trope out of the box that annoys the fuck out of me. This one opens with a talking head, and continues with an unnecessarily long exposition on how annoying all the fucking characters are. It was actually pretty quick, no more than 10 minutes, but it felt like a goddamn hour. Fucking seriously! I hate it when a movie challenges me to break my 30 minute rule. And just so you know how bad it has to be for me to break one of my own rules, one of the few movies where I did was The Bay.
  • Reed Alexander
    Published 5 months ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Exorcist III' (1990)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Exorcist III' (1990)

    I recently read a review that stated The Exorcist III (X-3) is finally getting the appreciation it deserves. That's an understatement. X-3 was thrown into the category cult classic as the only people who saw it were hardcore fans of the original (X-1). These are the people who suffered through the absolute fucking travesty that was the second exorcist (X-2). They stuck by and believed in the franchise and forced friends to watch X-3 over the years. My introduction was the same. "HAVE YOU SEEN X-3?!?" "THERE'S A 3RD ONE?!?" We were actually screaming, no lie.
  • Reed Alexander
    Published 6 months ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Slither' (2006)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Slither' (2006)

    You know what was ballsy about this movie? Someone saw Night of the Creeps and said, "I can make that funnier and scarier." And maybe it takes someone like James Gunn to pull that off. If you've ever seen Night of the Creeps, you know it's one of the all time greatest intentionally bad movie. In fact, it was one of the first. The late 80s into the 90s was all about revolutionizing horror as an industry. Movies like Critters and Leprechaun were proving that horror didn't have to be good to be entertainment. Directors like Mark Jones and Fred Dekker realized that half of the movies they enjoyed as kids, were actually garbage, and that's half the reason for loving them. B-Horror helped define the industry.