I'd first like to thank the Greenville Drive-In for the good times I had over the last few months and for the double feature they played on their last day this year. If you're in the local NY Capital Region or around Greenville NY, these guys play the best movies. See their FB page. They'll open again May 2019.
Can we really call this Chernobyl Diaries? It's a one shot. And while it's in the spirit of shaky camera found footage, it's not. So what about this movie inspired the producer to add 'Diaries' to the title? Semantics...
Okay, I didn't hate it but I really didn't see what the big fucking deal was. I mean, what have critics been raving about? This is basically just Contracted but even more rape-y.
An hour and a half of abso-fucking-lutely fuck all. You know this movie is visually stunning. I mean that. It's awe inspiring to the point that it is moving. But Jesus fucking Christ, we're not talking about a slow burn, we're talking about a time lapse of cactus dying of thirst over an hour and a half long. Yeah, the cactus catches fire at the end and that is kinda cool, but who wants to watch the cactus slowly wilt for that long.
This movie wanted to be Reanimator and Flatliners all at the same time. It's not that the premise doesn't work, it just gets messy and leads to a sloppy ending. What I'm saying is this could have been done right. I'm not sure how, but what I do know is the premise is solid, however, the movie fell flat.
Okay, we get it, the lead male is a total douche. Fuck sake, can we move on? I swear to god, the exposition in the beginning was less about setting up the plot and more about proving what a royal bag of dicks the male lead is. I mean, it's like the typical horror movie faux pas of making the victims completely unrelatable assholes, so you don't feel sorry for them when they finally eat a machete. But I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, even that trope just establishes the character and moves the fuck on. I mean the first full 25 minutes of this movie was really starting to make me worry that it would fail the "30 Minute Rule" because it was too busy just setting up scene after scene after fucking scene of the male lead being a prick to the female lead.