Reed Alexander

Reed Alexander

I'm the foulmouthed horror movie critic.  I post new reviews every Wednesday and Sunday, so stay tuned =D

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  • Reed Alexander
    Published about a year ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of '10 Cloverfield Lane' (2016)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of '10 Cloverfield Lane' (2016)

    Now this movie wasn't half bad. It actually starts out pretty damn good for that matter. It kinda loses stride quick, but it's a hard concept to sell and a fine line to walk. Let me s'plain... This is a concept I've spoken of many times in my reviews. Is the character out of his/her god damn gourd, or is this shit actually happening? No real spoilers here, our friend John Goodman springs it on you in the first few minutes of the movie. He didn't "kidnap" the female lead, he "rescued her" from the apocalypse... and who knows what's out there? Russians? Zombies? Aliens? Global viral outbreak? A big god damn creature from another dimension? I guess we'll never know! Not with John Goodman's character keeping the female lead locked in an underground bunker...
  • Reed Alexander
    Published about a year ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Dreamcatcher' (2003)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Dreamcatcher' (2003)

    GROOOOOAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Ugh, I remember this movie being bad, but not this bad. I know books very rarely translate into good cinema, but Stephen King was always the exception to that rule. Fire Starter, Misery,Cujo,Maximum Overdrive,Salem's Lot, Pet Cemetery, Needful Things, the list goes fucking on for King movies, and not a damn one isn't a fucking classic in its own right... Then we come to this fucking movie. Jesus-fucking-Christ, even 1408 wasn't this bad! What the fuck happened?!?
  • Reed Alexander
    Published about a year ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Baskin' (2015)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Baskin' (2015)

    So I learned something new today. Turk-core is pretty fucking awesome...it might be the only thing good about this movie. Honestly, this movie was cheap torture porn. I mean, it was fun when it finally got going, but it took a long fucking time to get there and really, torture porn is kinda lame. After Hostel, it just got played out. Now Saw is what, 8 fucking movies deep and every other slasher movie turns into torture porn near the end?
  • Reed Alexander
    Published about a year ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Beyond The Black Rainbow' (2010)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Beyond The Black Rainbow' (2010)

    The FUCK did I just watch? I think this movie was trying to give it's viewers the residual sensation of prison rape. Seriously, this movie was fucked up. It's like the director would do a hit of acid, viciously beat off until unconscious, write down what he dreamt about, then made a fucking movie about it.
  • Reed Alexander
    Published about a year ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The House October Built' (2014)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The House October Built' (2014)

    Oooookay, what can I say about this movie that I haven't already said about Shaky Camera in general... This was bad, and really, it shouldn't have been. If you haven't seen Digging Up the Marrow, watch that instead. Digging Up the Marrow gets this concept right where this movie gets it consistently wrong. I get that mockumentaries technically have to be done with a shaky camera, but Jesus-fucking-Christ. When I dubbed the 'Found Footage' genre as shaky camera, I was trying to mock the concept, not inspire it. You can't just giggle the camera around and hope it will fill in for a lack of atmosphere. I mean, fuck, you're shooting mostly out of haunted house attractions. These people basically made your fucking atmosphere for you, so what exactly is your excuse?
  • Reed Alexander
    Published about a year ago
    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'John Dies at the End' (2012)

    Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'John Dies at the End' (2012)

    This movie was fan-fucking-tastic. I'm not sure what to label it under though. I mean, it is supposed to be horror comedy, but it's actually more like your classic Terry Gilliam film. Many elements of it are intended to be horrific, or unsettling, but then, Time Bandits was no horror, Barron Munchhausen was no horror, even as much as they occasionally included the horrific, gory, or disturbing. This movie was meant to be fantastic. It was meant to be all levels of weird necessary to make the viewer uncomfortable, and yet keep them interested... Like a virgin at a strip club really.