I'm the foulmouthed horror movie critic. I post new reviews every Sunday, so stay tuned =D
Reed Alexander's Review of 'Last Days On Mars' (2013)
SABER-TOOTH IN SPACE!... well, on Mars. To be honest, I didn't even consider watching this movie 'til I learned that Vincent Campbell was in it. It just didn't grab my interest as good horror, good-bad horror, or even bad-bad horror. It just seemed "eh" and in my book, that means I move on to the next movie.
Reed Alexander's Review of 'The Hollow (2015)'
Alright, I'll give the movie this much, the three main sisters might have been obnoxiously cast as the typical useless female leads but it was balanced by the fact that all the characters were useless, frantic ninnies. So they weren't discriminating against the "Weaker Sex" per say. Instead they just made every character so obnoxiously feeble, by the end, you pretty much want them all to die.
Reed Alexander's Review of 'Housebound (2014)'
Yeah, this was a pretty cheeky movie. I can appreciate that about horrors that also want to be comedies, though it's very dry humor and isn't for everyone. I think the cast and crew were from New Zealand. I'm not fully positive about that, but they definitely had the dry humor that would typically go with the region.
Reed Alexander's Review of 'The Ruins' (2008)
You know, I don't know why I like this movie so much. Maybe because it's not just horror, but survival horror. It has that "brink of madness, human limits tested, sense of dread" that I love so much about zombie movies (when they're done right). Kind of like The Road. That wasn't horror, but it's just an epic long, grueling march, right into the grave. It's just fucking brutal. *cue Nathan Explosion*
Reed Alexander's Review of 'He Never Died' (2015)
HENRY MOTHER FUCKEN ROLLINS!!! Yeah, I was likely going to eat this movie up even if it was a total wash, but I did make the best, albeit half-assed, attempt to look at the movie objectively and see past my man crush on Uncle Hank. So I took this movie for what it was, for what it was, and it was pretty good. There was solid action, pretty good acting, funny at times, and it certainly didn't take itself too seriously.
Reed Alexander's Review of Oculus (2013)
You don't have to read this review. You can watch the Cinema Sins and pretty much get the gist of what I'm about to say. I got to give the writer and director credit, cerebral horror is a very hard nut to crack and they really did make a stellar effort. They failed it miserably, but the effort was there. Messing with the audience's perceptions is difficult when, you know, they're watching it on a screen and can pretty much already differentiate between reality and the movie.
Reed Alexander's Review of 'Crimson Peak (2015)'
It's a rare moment when I feel compelled to pay 10 bones for an actual movie ticket when I know I can just wait for it to come out on Netflix and watch it for the subscription fee along with dozens of other movies. Then there's Guillermo del Toro. I'ma do my best not to suck his dick fan boy style and give this movie an honest review. But If I'm going to pretend to be honest, I squeed like a little school girl when I saw the previews and pretty much screamed "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" at the automated ticket machine... because I hate humans... and no I don't want a fucking regal card.
Reed Alexander's Review of '+1' (2013)
SPOILERS!!! You know it's going to be bad when I basically have to start off with the spoiler alert. So yeah, I am basically encouraging you to never watch this! If you feel like you absolutely must know what happens, continue reading, cause I'm about to detail everything wrong with it in a play by play.
A Butterfly Dreamed
In the good old days we had numbers. The numbers begat made up units of measurement to assure us that things were, in some respect, solid and consistent. Certain things, arguably the majority, were considered self-evident by the general consensus of the masses. Anyone could argue philosophy, the existence of the soul, whether or not ghosts were real; but for the most part, up was up, down was down, and gravity still worked just fine. Thinking back on it now, even the most fundamental of truths seemed a bit far-fetched. We arrogantly assumed everything before us was specifically at the face value of our collective perception. Who could have blamed us though? A tree was a tree, right? You sat under it, it provided shade, the occasional fruit or nut to eat, even wood for building. There used to be a saying that a tree by any other name would still be a tree… or was that saying about the rose? This concept would not be so frustrating if I could honestly remember any difference.
Reed Alexander's Review of 'X Moor' (2014)
SPOILERS! The Beast of X Moor or… The Beast of Wasting My Fucking Time... Really? You're going to set me up for a creature feature flick, and fuck it up with The Scooby-Doo Effect before it even gets started? I mean, at least you didn't try to pass it off like some bullshit twist, but fuck you and the beast you road in on. Look, just because you confess to The Scooby-Doo Effect in the first ten minutes does not make it okay. The whole fucking point of a creature feature flick is that we want to see THE GOD DAMN MONSTER! HALF THE FUCKING POINT IS THE BUILD UP TO THE BIG FUCKING MONSTER REVEAL AT THE END!