Reed Alexander
Bio
I'm the foulmouthed horror movie critic. I post new reviews every Sunday, so stay tuned =D
Stories (280/0)
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Predator' (2018)
This movie was so fucking Disney, I'm surprised The Predator didn't break out into song and dance routine. This was so fucking Disney, I'm pretty sure it's a rated R extension of the MCU. Seriously, this movie had the tone of a campy superhero movie, just with lots of blood. It had wacky characters, slapstick humor, good bad guys, a plucky kid genius. I mean, does this sound like a fucking Predator movie?
By Reed Alexander6 days ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Hellhole' (2020)
Fucking movie is a cock tease. Just when it was getting good it left me feeling disappointed. I obviously can't talk about it without going into the spoilers, but I feel super let down. I was so let down it almost ruined the movie for me. I guess the rest is good enough that it was still worth it, but I definitely won't ever bother watching this again. So yeah, before we get into the meat and tatters, this movie was worth at least one go. If you're a fan of horror, give this a shot.
By Reed Alexander12 days ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Jeepers Creepers: Reborn' (2022)
I was told that pedo Victor Salva didn't have his grubby little hands all over this extension of the franchise. I was lied to. That fucking greasy pedo still owns the IP and gets royalties. So, before we get any further, don't watch this movie. Salva doesn't deserve a dime of your money. There's nothing in this movie that makes it worth compromising your dignity. Fucking Salva is like the Harvey Weinstein of horror. I can't tell if it's ironic that he named his monster 'The Creeper' or if it's completely on brand for him. But yeah, fuck Salva and fuck this movie, don't watch it. If you REALLY want to know what this movie is about, read my review instead...
By Reed Alexander20 days ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Anthropophagus' (1980)
So, it's important going into this review that 1980's Italian Cinima was basically the same as 1970's American Cinima... by that I mean BAD. And I mean BAD. But there are certain nuances that I feel are important to explain why they're bad. Something I talked about in my review of Suspiria (1977), is that the weird acting and campy tone is very intentional. That's what was normal for films at the time. Remember, movie acting was still very much being treated like stage acting so what we know as cinema from the 80s hadn't developed or caught on yet.
By Reed Alexander25 days ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Eve Is Dead' (2023)
Eve Is Dead (2023). An independent amateur film by Rob Silver of Team Manticore. So, going into this, my review has been scaled down to meet my expectations of a student film. When you have a production of this quality we expect mistakes to be made. The question is, are those mistakes acceptable?
By Reed Alexanderabout a month ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'It' Chapters 1 & 2 (2017 & (2019)
Man, this movie was such a fucking cock tease. We all just wanted to get to the ending and really see the big creature reveal. The original went all in and it was pretty good for the 90's. We wanted that again and I have to say, it did deliver. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, a whole lot of nothing happens before we get to the meat and tatoes.
By Reed Alexanderabout a month ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Xtro 3' (1995)
SPOILERS!!! Holy crap that was bad. But I mean, we expected that. Absolutely none of the Xtro Series was good and if we were expecting them to turn out a gem by now, we would need to reassess our lives. The first one made NO fucking sense. A fucking alien impregnates a woman that gives birth to a full-grown man and I don't even remember the rest because it was so fucking incoherent. Xtro 2 (1990) was at least an Alien (1979) ripoff, chest-burster scene included, and stuck to the basics. All three involve completely different aliens and basically have nothing to do with one another. This one was also just a simple creature feature, with a muppet prop that was s bad it was reminiscent of Carnasaur (1993). That's the production value you get. Something that looks like a made-for-TV movie that came out of the 80s, not the 90s.
By Reed Alexander2 months ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Antrum' (2018)
Beware all ye who read this review, for the within written words are cursed, and you shall certainly suffer! That nonsense right there? That's this movie in a nutshell. But hey, I love that kind of shit so why not give it a chance. Cigarette Burns (2005) was exactly the same concept; a movie that will drive you mad and kill you. We have legends about actual movies that were cursed, including The Exorcist (1973) and Poltergeist (1982), where actors and staff actually died or had serious accidents. This concept isn't new and it's actually really good. Stories like that really play on people's superstitions and make the horror seem grounded in reality. It gives them a presence that really fucks with the viewer.
By Reed Alexander2 months ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of "Bright Burn" (2019)
Nope. Can't fucking do it. I haven't quit on a movie outside my 30 minute rule since my review of The Bay (2012). Admittedly, I didn't back out in the first minute of the movie, but I did back out just because of how bad it is.
By Reed Alexander2 months ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of '30 Days of Night' (2007)
Here's an example of a movie that just did everything right. Should I start with spoilers? I feel like everyone knows what this movie is about. I mean it's right there on the movie poster. There's also the source material which is even more famous than the actual movie. But the movie goes out of its way to treat it like a secret, and even does a big reveal regardless of the fact we all know what's going on.
By Reed Alexander3 months ago in Horror
