2020, the year I changed my mental health.
There are 2 up’s and 1 down for my mental health in 2020. The up’s are that (1) I learned to listen to myself and (2) I learned to evaluate me and other people based on reality and not imagination. The (1) down is that taking the leap of faith and trusting myself is difficult because I was born, raised, and programmed to hate myself.
If any of you readers know who I am in person, you will know for sure that I have an odd set of outdated habits. For one, I rarely use my phone. Getting in contact with me is completely dependent on luck. “Am I checking my phone right this second, which might be the only time today?” Difficult to contact me, right?
Every Thanksgiving, I celebrate the holiday with eating. Thanksgiving has always been an annual tradition where I had several days off from all responsibilities and all the time to myself. I never chose to celebrate with others. I have never met friends who I felt like I should celebrate holidays (even birthdays) with, and so I tend to celebrate alone. Like people say, it is better to be alone than to be around wrong company. I’d rather be lonely than be in the vicinity of toxic, abusive people. Loneliness is far less damaging than abuse.
Credit couldn’t be on my mind for years thanks to depression.
When I turned 18, I knew that it was time to open my own bank account and a credit card. Coming from a family that has nothing together in their lives, I could only do my best to learn what I had to do to build a good future for myself. One of my concerns was having credit, but it wasn’t an immediate issue I wanted to tackle.
I am very fortunate to have stable income and hours during this pandemic. It is also a blessing to know the income and hours will stay this way, if not go up even more. What I have learned in the past 6 weeks though are money habits that I never knew I needed. They all provide a cushion in case anything happens during this pandemic (which, nothing should happen financially).
Fatigue is a chronic problem in my life, and it started when I was a kid. Knowing that it stems from depression, I have questioned how I could reshape my daily goals so that it doesn’t feel like I am dragging myself to get things done.