Phoenix Blair

Phoenix Blair

Against all odds this phoenix rose from the ashes broken yet beautiful.

How does it work?
  • Phoenix Blair
    Published 2 days ago
    My Personal 9/11 Survival Story

    My Personal 9/11 Survival Story

    For me the morning of September 11th started out like any other. I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, my now ex-husband and myself had an apartment that was a block away from the World Trade Center. We had a mutual friend visiting from out of state. My ex and our friend had woken up before I did and were having their morning coffee out on the fire escape. They were just sitting there shooting the breeze while enjoying their morning coffee when they saw the very first plane hit the North Tower of the WTC. I was immediately awoken by the loud bang and the violent shaking of our apartment due to the impact of the plane entering the WTC. I jumped up out of bed and ran for the living room. I could see out to where my ex and our buddy were standing staring off towards the WTC plaza. I’m of course curious to find out where the bang had come from and what had caused it. My ex turned to see me heading his way and immediately ran to try and stop me from seeing what was going down. I finally managed to push past him and followed our buddies gaze until I saw exactly what he was looking at. It was like something out of a movie. There was a huge gaping hole in the tower and large amounts of black smoke pouring out of the tower. My first thought was that it had to be an accident caused by pilot error, because in NYC planes are not even allowed to use any of the airspace near the financial district due to how tall the buildings are. Then out of nowhere another plane comes through and crashes right into the South Tower. This absolutely freaks me out, cause now we all knew that this wasn’t an accident. We now knew we were under attack. We just had no idea who had attacked us or why. I immediately grabbed my camera (which I had been using to document my pregnancy and the progress we were making setting up the nursery) and I ran out to the street. There were emergency vehicles flying past us making their way up the street to the WTC. I started taking pictures of the chaos in the streets. There were people running toward us away from the buildings, some were covered in blood, others were burned, their clothes were torn and they looked dazed. As we got closer to the buildings we could see cops and firefighters and EMT’s running into the buildings as they were burning. There were businesses that began handing out bottles of water and I swear every single New Yorker in the city was out on the streets watching this all happen. All of a sudden we felt the ground begin to shake as if we were experiencing an earthquake, we heard people shouting that one of the towers was falling, and we all took off running in opposite directions. I remember ducking into a store and waiting out the collapse. I remember seeing clouds of dust enveloping what had once been a clear city street. When things appeared to calm down outside we stepped out of the shop in which we had taken sanctuary and all we could see, smell and taste was dust. We decided to try and make our way back up to the WTC plaza due to the fact that I wanted to get pictures of the aftermath. As we once again made our way there the ground beneath our feet began to shake once again, we had actually made it close enough this time so when the next tower started to fall we could actually hear the creaking of what I assume were the support beams of the tower as they began to twist and give way. I remember there was an NYPD officer directing people to leave the area, telling them to head west towards the bridge. As I stood in the middle of Church and Vessy St snapping pics the officer came up to me and told me that the second tower was fixing to fall and that I needed to haul ass out of the area immediately. I turned and began walking away, heading back toward where my ex and our buddy had stood waiting for me. We began heading back home and all of a sudden there came an extremely loud sound coming from the direction of the WTC, it sounded like a freight train. I remember looking back and just praying I’d make it home alive before the next collapse. It didn’t happen. I remember feeling arms grabbing me around my waist and the next thing I knew I was being tossed under a parked car, when I looked to see who had put me there I saw the cop who had been directing people away from the tower. He told me as calmly as he could to stay put for mine and my unborn babies safety. I watched him disappear into the dust cloud. I never did get to thank the NYPD officer who saved my life because I was later told that he had ended up being killed by debris that was falling from the tower during the collapse. Once the last tower had finished collapsing I pulled myself out from under the car and I looked around at the once clear sky that now looked dark, there was dust caked all over everything and everyone, including myself. I searched for my camera so that I could continue taking photos but it had been destroyed when I was tossed under the car. I began to quickly try to remember where I was, see my eyes were so irritated from the dust in the air that it made it hard to see anything. I decided to try and find some place where I could wash out my eyes as well as my mouth. I ran into the 7-Eleven and grabbed a couple bottles of spring water, stepped up to the counter to pay for it and the manager told me they were on the house so I thanked him and left the store. Once outside I removed the cap from the first bottle and immediately poured it over my face, making sure to rinse my eyes out as best I could. I then opened the second bottle, took a swig then proceeded to swish and gargle until my mouth and throat weren’t as dry and scratchy as they were before. I then realized that I had become separated from my husband and our buddy when the second tower fell. I wondered if they had made it back to the apartment so I decided to head back home to find out. On my way back to my apartment I could hear chirping sounds coming from where the buildings had once stood. I saw fire trucks, police cars and an ambulance that had all been crushed by falling debris and covered with mounds of dust, it was like a nuclear winter. I decided to get a closer look so I headed toward the rubble; there I was stopped by an NYPD officer as well as an emt who both decided that I needed to be checked out due to the fact that I was pregnant and had just survived the collapse of two buildings. I tried telling them that I was fine and that I was looking for my husband and our buddy which prompted them to ask me if we had been in the buildings to which I replied that we hadn’t. I then gave them the rundown on my situation and told them that I really needed to get home because if my husband were there right now he’d be worried about me. After they had finished checking me over they allowed me to go. Before I left I did ask the emt about the chirping noises and he told me it was the sound of the locators in the firemen’s jackets. They go off whenever a fireman is lost during a fire. That was when I came to realize just how many people were possibly lost and or killed in the collapsing towers. As I made my way back home I saw hundreds of people covered in dust and blood trying to find phones to call home with. They were scared, injured and just wanted to hear a familiar voice so that they could let their loved ones know that they were okay. That made my need to go home grow even more intense. When I finally got to my building I saw my husband and our buddy talking to a cop outside I immediately ran over to my husband and threw my arms around him. He had thought that I had been either hurt or killed during the collapse. He kept asking me where I had been and if I was okay. I tried answering his questions but when I opened my mouth to do so all I could do was sob. We made our way back up to our apartment and as we walked through the door we saw that our home was also covered in dust and our phone was ringing. My husband led me to our bedroom and sat me on our bed (which was also covered in dust) while he went to answer the phone. Ten minutes later he came back into the room and told me that my mom had called and that he told her I was too upset to talk at the moment but that he would make certain that I called her once I had calmed down. All I could do was nod. He then told me he was going to call his family so that they wouldn’t be worried and with that he left the room. I immediately got up from my bed and decided I would go checkout the nursery to see if it too had been affected. As soon as I stepped in to the nursery I saw that it too was covered in dust and that just upset me more. I had started sobbing so bad I actually fell to the floor. I began feeling as though it was the beginning of the end of the world. When I was finally able to stand I joined my husband and our buddy in the living room where they both were silently sitting on the dust covered couch watching MSNBC. The reporter was saying that the planes that hit the towers had been hijacked by middle eastern Islamic terrorists. They were also reporting that another plane had been crashed into the Pentagon and that another plane had crashed in a field just outside of Shanksville, Pennsylvania. I just couldn’t stand it anymore so I grabbed the cordless phone, stepped out to the fire escape and dialed my mother’s number. I waited and waited for her to pick up but all her phone kept doing was just ringing and ringing so I hung up and decided I would call her back later. I then thought about my aunt who worked at Windows on the World, I frantically dialed her number and got no answer, so I called my cousin (my aunts daughter) to find out if my aunt had had to work that morning. I got my answer as soon as my cousin answered the phone and my stomach turned upside down forcing me to drop the phone and run to the bathroom. My husband had retrieved the phone for me and proceeded to hand it to me as I came out of the bathroom. My cousin was still on the phone so I asked her if she had heard from our cousin who was a fireman with the FDNY or from his father (our uncle) who was a policeman with the NYPD she responded that she hadn’t and told me she’d call me later if she heard anything from anyone in the family about those who were at this point basically considered to be among the missing I promised her that I would do the same and with that we ended our call. As the day went on my husband, myself and our buddy decided we didn’t want to stay in the apartment due to the dust that now covered everything we owned so we decided to go down to Ground Zero as it was now called just to see how close we could get and what we could see. What we saw once at the pit made us sick, sad and angry. We saw landing gear that belonged to one of the planes, we saw a lady’s heel shoe, we saw a menu for Windows on the World (which made my heart sink), we saw lots and lots of papers and we saw a desk, we saw a fireman’s jacket, we saw a pocketbook, a child’s doll, a desk chair and we saw luggage from the planes we also saw body parts scattered all around. The pile was still ablaze and the smoke was acrid. We saw rescue workers with and without masks working the pile in what was considered a search and rescue at the time. Later that day Rudy Giuliani (who was mayor of NYC at the time) had come down to the site to assess the damage and to speak to the workers and to see what was needed for the people down there to do their jobs safely. He also took time to talk to families of those who were missing and he also spoke to people who lived in the neighborhood whose homes were compromised by the twin towers falling. He decided the best thing he could do was to give us all vouchers so that we could stay in hotels until our homes could be cleaned. That was a complete God send for us because we did not want to spend the night in our dust covered apartment. Once we had collected our voucher we headed back to our apartment to pack clothes as well as some other items we would be needing during our stay in the hotel. Once we finished we headed off to the cheapest hotel we could find; we ended up staying at the Best Western. Once we were all checked in we all took turns taking showers it felt nice to get out of our dust covered clothes and to be able to wash all of the grime off of ourselves. Once we finished getting cleaned up we realized that none of us had eaten anything all day so we decided to take a walk to a nearby pizza joint. After getting our food we sat down at a table which sat right directly in front of the store front window. None of us spoke as we ate, we just sat at our little table staring out at what had once been a busy city street that now was silent. It was quite eerie because the city is never quiet but tonight it was so quiet, the only sounds one could hear were the sounds of trucks going to and from Ground Zero. Once we had finished our dinner we decided to head back to the hotel so that we could rest and make phone calls to our loved ones. When we got back to our room I laid myself down on the bed my husband and I would be sharing, our buddy sat down on the bed across from ours while my husband flipped on the tv. We sat quietly rewatching the events of the day unfold once again on the television. I had finally had enough so I picked up the phone which sat on a little night stand that sat between the two beds and I dialed my mother’s number. The phone rang once before my mother answered. She told me how she’d been trying to call me all day and how she had been worried that something had happened to me and proceeded to ask me if I was okay and how she wished I’d move back up to Maine where it would be safer to live and raise a baby. I let her go on and on before finally telling her that I was fine and updating her on the events of my day. I became aware of how exhausted I was so I told me mom that I would call her back in the morning and I told her I loved her and with that we ended our call. As soon as I hung up I rolled over and passed out. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep. I woke up multiple times during the night from nightmares. It seemed like even sleep couldn’t save me from what had happened. The next few days were spent roaming around the streets which had once been busy and full of life but were now deathly quiet except for the noise of all the trucks that came and went from Ground Zero hourly. My husband began making plans for us to return to Maine due to the fact that he now felt that it was no longer safe for us to have and raise our unborn daughter there and due to the fact that both of our families now resided in Maine and he felt the need to be closer to them. We made enquires as to when the bridges and tunnels would be reopened for travel but no one we asked seem to have any answers. We spent the following weeks at the Best Western for sleeping and during the day we could be found trying to salvage what we could from our apartment. I was an emotional wreck. Once we cleaned and packed what we could my husband and our buddy loaded in all into the back of my husbands truck, which thankfully had not been affected by the terror attacks due to the fact that we kept the truck parked in a parking garage down in Broadway. See in the city you don’t really need a car to get around thanks to the subways, taxis and buses. A month later we headed back to Maine. I remember crying as I watched my beautiful city disappear from view. I gave birth to my daughter Kylie 3 days before Halloween. I have been back to NYC more than once since 9/11 and I remember thinking how I missed the old skyline. Life has moved on and we are now 19 years removed from that terrible day and another building now stands in the footprints of where the WTC has been. There is also a memorial and museum. I lost an aunt, an uncle, a cousin and six friends that day. I have kept every newspaper, every magazine, every book, I have seen every movie and every documentary. 9/11 is and always will be my Pearl Harbor.
  • Phoenix Blair
    Published 7 days ago
    A Heartfelt Thank You To The Best Friend Any Person Could Ever Have
  • Phoenix Blair
    Published 10 days ago
    The Sad Story Behind My Tattoos

    The Sad Story Behind My Tattoos

    The sad story behind my tattoos all begins with the first tattoo I ever got. A friend of mine was a tattoo artist with his own shop. He actually designed the tattoo for me as well. I got the tattoo in the middle of my upper back; it is of two female cherubs holding a banner between them which had both of their names tattooed inside of the banner. I got this tattoo in memory of two babies I had lost. I got the tat done on my 28th birthday, it took almost 4 hours just for the outline alone and then another 4 1/2 hours to shade. When it was finished and I was able to see the end result I literally cried because not only was it beautiful but it was also my first tattoo and it actually held sentimental value for me. I wish I had pics but when my old phone was destroyed so too were all of my pics. I loved how my friend had actually given the cherubs the exact eye and hair color my babies had been born with. My second tattoo was the semi-colon butterfly. The story behind that tattoo goes back to 1994 when I was only 14 years old. I became friends with the boy next door after moving up to Maine from my home down in NYC. He was a good looking Asian boy with manners and a smile girls would literally swoon over. His names was Tim, and because this is a true story I will protect the privacy of my friends family by not giving any last names. Anyway as I was saying Tim was exactly a year older than me, not only did we go to school together but we were also next door neighbors so we hung out a lot. His mother’s family owned a Chinese restaurant right next door to the park we would play in. Our families became fast friends. Well anyway to get back to what I was saying. The story starts with Tim dating a mutual friend. I had warned him against dating her but poor kid wouldn’t listen so he wound up learning the pain of a broken heart the hard way. The chick ended up cheating on him and breaking up with him in front of the entire school. He became really distraught and started becoming anti-social. All of a sudden I get a call one Friday night asking me if I’d like to go to his place to watch the Lakers game on the tv down in their parents basement bar. I was so happy to hear him sounding so upbeat I agreed to be there. I woke on Saturday morning all excited to finally get to hangout with my best friend. Well about an hour into the game I see Tim get up and head to the stairs. I let him get a head start on me only so he wouldn’t see me get up therefore he wouldn’t know that I was following him. As I got to the top of the stairway I saw Tim go around the corner and into his grandparents room. I heard what I thought were bullets being loaded into a gun and then I heard the hammer as it was being pushed back. I literally ran into the door of the room while opening it. There Tim sat in his grandparents bed spinning the chamber of the gun he held in his hand. I asked him what he was doing and his response was to ask me why he wasn’t good enough. I began telling him how he had done nothing wrong and how she was just being a gold digger and how he was smart and funny and cute and how one day he would forget all about this and find someone who will truly love him. He kinda scoffed at me and went quiet for a second. I finally asked him why he had the gun and why he was playing with it. I then lectured him on how dangerous guns could be if not handled properly. He looked up and smiled at me then responded with where he had found it and how he had been taught from a young age how to carefully handle a gun. I told him to put it away and to come back downstairs cause his friends were down there waiting for him. After all he had invited everyone so that automatically made him the host. He then began to empty all but one of the chambers of the gun. He spun the chamber back in place and asked me if I’d ever heard of Russian roulette, which I had thanks to the types of movies I was into. I told him to quit screwing around and to empty the gun, put it away where he found it and come back downstairs with me. He then put the gun to the side of his head and pulled the trigger, it clicked but nothing happened due to that chamber being empty which meant one of the remaining four chambers had a bullet inside of it. At this point I start to panic. I start begging him to put the gun down. I told him he was scaring me. I began sobbing as the second click sounded indicating he had 3 more chambers left and one had a bullet waiting to be fired. I started screaming for someone to call his parents and inform them of the situation. I went over to the bed and tried talking the gun out of his hand and then I grabbed for it but had it quickly yanked back out of my reach. Third click....my heart is pounding trying to get my best friend to relinquish the gun to me. He pushes me from the bed and onto the floor and as I scramble to get up he stands up directly over me, looks directly at me and says “Tell Belinda I loved her.”and then he proceeds to pull the trigger, this time there’s a loud bang and lots of blood and I watch as Tim’s lifeless body crumbles to the floor. Tim had taken his own life right in front of me and there was not one God damn thing I could do to stop him. I was so torn up over his death that I refused to attend his funeral or the memorial that was held in his honor at school. I was so pissed off at myself for not knowing what to do to stop him and then I was pissed off at Tim for doing such a thing to me; his best friend. I was traumatized. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I stopped talking. I just didn’t understand why he’d choose to take his own life over a failed high school relationship. It blew my mind. Everyone at school blamed the girl for his death. To this day I still think about it and I still find myself asking why. I have since come to lose many other dear friends to suicide. It feels like it has become an epidemic. I still don’t know how to feel about any of it because I too suffer from depression and I too wanted to take my own life. I came close to doing just that twice. I just could never understand being so upset over a silly little high school fling that I’d have ever wanted to kill myself. Two months after I got this tattoo a very dear person who was close to me took her life as well and it broke my heart. And her reason in the note she left behind had to do with her relationship. Then a year later another of my friends ended his life over some chick breaking his heart. So yea this tattoo has a bittersweet reason behind it. It is in memory of not only my friends and family who took their own lives but also to all of the other lives lost to suicide around the world. This tattoo also reminds me of all of the shit I’ve managed to overcome in my life and it reminds me that my story isn’t over yet for there are many more chapters that need to be written before my book comes to its conclusion.
  • Phoenix Blair
    Published 22 days ago
    My 1st Ever Celebrity Crush

    My 1st Ever Celebrity Crush

    I don’t usually write about celebrities but I decided since Vocal was running a contest in which one could possibly win a cash prize talking about their first ever celebrity crush I decided to just wing it and write about mine and see what happened. I have the perfect celeb to write about too, he’s smart, funny, selfless, talented, as well as sexy. My first celebrity crush ever was Johnny Depp. My crush started when I was a little girl (I was only 7 years old) watching 21 Jump Street, there was just something about him that immediately attracted me to him. I next saw him in his first movie ever which was the first Nightmare on Elm St where he played the main character Nancy’s boyfriend and later becomes known as the kid Freddy killed in his bed. That scene is one of the most unforgettable scenes in horror movie history. I became hooked. I saw his next movie Cry Baby and like most girls I swooned over him. The next movie I saw him in was Edward Scissorhands along side a young Winona Ryder. He gave such an amazing performance that I remember (even at the age of 10) being able to feel his characters pain. I next went on to watch him in many more movies such as What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and one of my all time favorites Benny and Joon. I used to spend my allowance money on teen magazines just so I could have pictures of Johnny all over my bedroom walls. Now that I’m an adult the crush still sticks, as a matter of fact I once had a friend tell me that if someone crushes on someone for over 20 years it means that they are in love with that person. I guess I must be in love because I have had a crush on Johnny for 33 years and counting. I have seen ALL of his movies, (good and bad), and I have listened to all of his music from the Rock City Angels to the Hollywood Vampires and I must say he is just as talented a singer and guitarist as he is an actor, I have even gone to California just to visit his former club the Viper Room, which sadly he no longer owns due to the disappearance of co-owner Anthony Fox. I hate that his ex Amber Heard made such disgusting false allegations against him in order to ruin his career and his good name as well as to also make publicity for herself in order to further her career. Johnny Depp is such an amazing person. He visits hospitals full of sick children dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow and takes pictures with them and signs autographs just to bring smiles to their little faces and unlike a lot of celebrity fathers he can never be called a deadbeat dad because his children have always come first since the day they were born. He does charity work and he even tried to save the life of his best friend River Phoenix when he overdosed at his club on Halloween night back in 1993. He also gave all the money he made for the film The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, to Matilda, the daughter of the late Heath Ledger who also starred in the movie but sadly passed away before the movie was finished. He has won numerous awards for his films as well as his music. He may be rich but he’s still a humble guy straight out of Kentucky. He is and always will be my all time favorite actor and my first and only long-standing celebrity crush.
  • Phoenix Blair
    Published 2 months ago
    How I Met My King (Chapter 2)
  • Phoenix Blair
    Published 3 months ago
    The Secret That Nearly Killed Me

    The Secret That Nearly Killed Me

    So I have been holding on to this secret for most of my life due to fear of rejection from friends and family as well as people in my community. I’ve been wrestling with whether or not to be open about it and finally be free of the shackles which keep me from fully being myself. After talking to a friend who kinda already knew and when asked whether or not I should finally come out he said this: