I’ve always had a habit of reconnecting with people from my past, mostly old friends that I’d lost touch with. I don’t think my heart has ever beat as fast as the day that I decided to contact Travis, the man I’d lost my virginity to. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected from him, especially after he ghosted me right after taking my virginity, but he was surprisingly responsive. He even seemed happy to hear from me. I knew I should be cautious, but I didn’t like the way things ended between us. We decided to go to Barnes and Noble and then see a movie together after. The entire time he was touching me and standing close to me. His proximity to me did something to my body that I was embarrassed to admit, so I waited until I got home and admitted it over text. He seemed excited and we made plans to meet again later that week.
“Here’s your valentine’s present,” he said.
I wanted to hate him, or at least feel indifferent to him, but I couldn’t. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted him. My desires became more prevalent after we followed each other on Instagram. It was there that I got to fully take in his shirtless body. Sometimes I fantasied about his muscles rippling as he took my body. I had vowed never to get involved with a coworker again, but my thoughts of him didn’t stop when I left the garden center. I wanted him, but I wasn’t sure he was obtainable. I wasn’t even sure how to go about obtaining him if I could, so I remained silent about my feelings.
“Are you a virgin?” he asked as he leaned over to kiss me.
I loved my boyfriend, but I couldn’t wait for him to go to work so I could try out my new toy on my own. He knew that I’d ordered a few naughty items, but I’d hidden a tiny bullet vibrator in a drawer to use later. I was practically jumping out of my skin by the time he gave me a peck on the lips and rushed out the door. I waited a few minutes, just long enough to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything, and then I retrieved it. My hands shook as I ripped open the packaging and loaded the toy with batteries. I watched myself in the mirror as I stripped down to my panties. I’d been wearing lingerie for my boyfriend all week, but the lacy thong I wore today was only for me. I laid back on the bed, caressing my body with my hands before I pulled the panties off too. I’d never used a toy on myself before—I’d always left that to him—but today I wanted to know my body. I pressed the button on the top of the tiny toy, and it roared to life. I could feel the moisture pooling between my legs as I glided the vibrator between them. I moved the toy around, letting out small moans as the sensations traveled through me. My boyfriend had never made me orgasm before, so I felt like I was on a mission to get myself off. I found my breasts with my free hand, using my fingers to play with my perky nipples, but it wasn’t enough. I grabbed my phone and googled erotica, but none of the stories did it for me. I felt frustrated as the vibrator sent waves of pleasure through me. Had I chosen the wrong one? Maybe I needed something more powerful, or maybe it was just me. I was about to give up when I decided to visit a porn site. I’d only looked at porn with my boyfriend before and wasn’t sure what kind I was into. At first, I looked up a couple like us, but that bored me. I decided to look up a threesome, which was something I’d always been curious about. I’d had a chance to be part of a threesome in the past, but I’d always turned them down. Now I was wondering if I’d missed out. I scrolled past most of the videos, until I found one of two girls riding a man. One of the girls was riding his face while the other rode his large cock. The women leaned close to each other, making out between moans, before their lips found each other’s breasts. I felt my pleasure building as I watched them switch positions. The man entered the women from behind as the other woman got in position to be eaten out. I felt an overwhelming desire to be eaten out while my own boyfriend watched, but I doubted he would let that happen. My nerve endings felt like they were about to burst as I caressed my clit with the toy. I pretended that I was the woman who was being eaten out while the man watched. My moans grew louder, and I knew I was close to reaching an orgasm.
“I’m the worst kind of virgin,” I muttered as I pulled my pants back up. I had been trying to finger myself for about an hour, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I’d never touched myself before, and the furthest I’d ever gotten with a man was light groping. It had been easy to ignore my urges before. In fact, I had been saving myself for someone special before the zombie apocalypse happened. Now, it was like someone had flipped a switch, because all I could think about was sex. I wished that I hadn’t been so picky before.