You can be reading this to get some much-needed breathing space. It is binding to live in a way that is not your true self. There are times when I write in my journal and I think about the vast words of power, and yearning for those white pages of experience to be filled in my own life. Just like words written on a page, life has its warped edges, and sometimes, the scribbles share your perfect truth. Well if you are reading this like me, I am longing to find a new feeling other than racing my pen over pages to get that release out.
Ripping off a bandage, stubbing your toe, getting a burn from a flaming hot pot. This is how it feels to leave a loved one. I have had many intimate connections, with people. Being close means that emotions are high, and trust is needed at every corner. It is those moments where your brain chooses the ones that you can be settled, yourself, and honest. Not a lot of people are chosen to have that delicate and necessary position. When your love language is quality time, or you have dealt with abandonment in your upbringing, leaving a spouse, friend, dog, or close connection of anytime can be a moment that tests your inner child.
After anxious attacks i couldn't fathom the
There is a time when it seems like the choices you make carry so much weight. It is the time when you find that your mind floods your brain, and then your body starts to hyperactivate in all of the possibilities. One choice could be the step where the floor falls in, and you lose everything and everyone that you care about. All can be lost if we believe the lie of self doubt, anxiety, or that trust in others is completely unconditional. There are always consequences, but there is a step that we all can take before making any choice (Besides prayer & consulting close confidants).
Was it in this place of Who Dat's, ghosts of flood victims, or Black eccentric pride that I learned that I am natural? I recall rubbing my light yellow skin, untouched by the 97 degree heat of the ninth ward. Who knew that high dewpoint could make me shed, and get toasty brown. I rubbed the spicy melting lotion into my skin, put on my fresh red pants, and striped Be-Youtiful shirt, ready to explore. After traveling down South I was worried. I did not know how to be around communities of other races that were historically not very kind to women that look like me. I expected that my skin tone would cause my service to be lessened, or to be judged. But, what I learned is that maybe Southern Hospitality is the barrier breaker to what we call discrimination. Although our accents stood out, we were traveling among the 100,000 coming down for the 25th year of Essence! Essence magazine is so important to highlight blackness in business, fashion, politics, and within families. The first issue of Essence was in May of 1970, where the tag "to delight and to celebrate the beauty, pride, strength, and uniqueness of all Black women," and Barbara Cheeseborough graced.