“That’s what you all are. You are a ‘lost generation’. You have no respect for anything.” Gertrude Stein told Ernest Hemingway, repeating what she heard an angry Mechanic tell his young assistant, a WW1 vet. As she continues to rant about his generation, he replies “Who is calling who a ‘lost generation’?”
I think most people can agree that being drunk can be awesome, but being hungover can be worse than death. Some hangovers aren’t that bad, if all you got is a little dry mouth and a light headache; you are one lucky bastard. Some hangovers are like having a demon possess your body and it wants to reenact scenes from the Exorcist.
I dated this guy for five years, and for about four of them I thought we were going to get married and live out the rest of our lives together. At first, he just seemed like the right amount of weird, one might even use the term 'eccentric' when describing him. As time went on, I realized that I didn't want to lie and call him 'eccentric' while he twerked in the background listening to Anaconda and wearing more eyeliner than me.
My high school was weird, one of the students turned in the kid that was trying to peddle cocaine. We were a snitch school,we had guys in the hallways selling candy and energy drinks out of their backpacks. There might’ve been like five people who smoked weed on a regular basis. It was a charter school and we were project based, at least that’s what it said on the brochure. Honestly, we took more tests than projects and we lost one sport every year. It was a terrible school, full of snitches. I once chewed gum during a test and someone turned me in. I kept tabs on everyone after that. You wanna turn someone in for selling cocaine, that’s fine it wasn’t even Colombian. But you want to sell me out for double bubble? Bitch.
Movies lie about school, I remember my first day at College I was bright eyed and thought that it would answer all of my problems. No. Not even close. It created more problems. College parties? Never been to one, no one even hosted parties anymore. Frats and Sororities? Those people actually do work. I worked at the school newspaper for awhile and I volunteered to cover the one Sorority and I thought “maybe I’ll catch some of that “college action” that Hollywood is talking about.” I went to the sorority meetings for three months and it was all volunteer work and investments and homework and becoming product testers. I actually fell asleep at one meeting and when I woke up I had my jacket over my body and someone had rolled up one of their sweaters that they sold and put it under my head. I went to the library once and no one was making out, they were studying. One guy was crying but he pulled himself together, it was midterms week and we all got a little cuckoo. I saw one kid take off his flip flops and run down a coffee cart that was closing up. I was in an astronomy class and one guy brought in a hot plate and made bacon. The professor was going through a presentation and all of a sudden you heard “ssssssssssssss” and it was stadium seating and we all looked to the nosebleed row and there was this little billow of smoke that went in front of the projector light. My professor was like “is there a fire?” And there was this little voice in the back that said “.....it’s controlled” and the professor just bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose and said “fuck it, class dismissed” and walked out.
Being a girl is hard, and trying to be a girl and look good is such a Herculean effort. Hercules is in hell right now trying to push a rock uphill and I’m like “pfft I’ll push that rock instead of trying to put on liquid eyeliner” now that’s impossible. Trying to put on winged eyeliner evenly should be an Olympic sport.