Lena Bailey
Founding member
Bio
Georgia born writer. Specializing in dating and true crime
If you have any questions or comments please email [email protected]
Stories (275/0)
Are We Too Sensitive?
I read an article recently about certain movies that were released somewhere around the 90s and how they wouldn't fly today. Some of them I got and others I was curious about how sensitive the writer thinks we are as a society. I know a lot of us are sensitive to gender identity and sexuality and with good reason because a lot of people can be cruel when it comes to those topics.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Geeks
'13 Reasons Why' Delayed?
Now honestly, this show was hard to watch, but I still liked it. A lot of people were saying it was drawn out or melodramatic. Well, teenagers tend to be melodramatic. TV dramas also tend to draw things out. I know some people have had problems with it. The main group was parents. The other groups were people with suicidal thoughts and those who have lost loved ones to suicide.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Psyche
DDLG/Age Play vs Pedophilia and Incest
I get frustrated when people don't know the difference because incest and pedophilia are so far from DDLG and age play. Pedophilia is where people have a sexual attraction to minors or little kids. Incest is when you're attracted to or do sexual stuff with people that are related to you by blood. DDLG or any related dynamic is a pure thing that people get into for many reasons. My former Dom said that he's into DDLG because he needs to be needed, not because he's attracted to little kids or his family. He also loves to protect me and be there for me. Most caretakers feel the same way. They crave this feeling of being needed and to nurture. Caregivers have a desire that is stronger than most people to do these things. DDLG or age play also isn't about molestation fantasy or anything similar. DDLG is about love, respect, taking care of each other and nurturing the little. It makes sense to those who realize what these types of dynamics are really about.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Filthy
BDSM Slaves
It is really hard to talk about roles in BDSM because everyone does each role their way. The way you do a role is up to you because it's what you are comfortable with. I recently talked to two very misinformed individuals. They seriously thought that my master controlled everything I did. In reality, my master has rules for me that I have to follow. The rules are stuff like no more than one or two drinks of hard alcohol, a curfew for days I have to work and I have to tell him when I'm anxious. So, as you see, it's respect and safety-based stuff. There are some slave girls who want their master to have more control than that, but most want to be able to control some parts of their lives. There are even some masters that let you make decisions about certain things like family, friends and work. Most masters want you to set boundaries, so that you can have safe space in your life that's just yours.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Filthy
Why I No Longer Chase People
I understand that people get busy with their lives, but if you don't message me ever and you don't have a good reason, why would I want to keep chasing you or try with you? If you don't try with me, why would I try with you? My former best friend accused me of starting drama which I wouldn't and didn't, and she was victim shaming me after my sexual assault, which she may have done without knowing, but still. So when she started to not message me anymore I thought OK, I knew this was coming, so that's fine. I think that she also had a problem with my kink lifestyle. So I decided to move on, I figured I outgrew her and she got busy. Guys, sometimes people don't message you and you realize that it was a blessing. You also realize sometimes that you out grow people and it's OK. I tried to message her recently to no answer and I knew it was time to move on. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. Can you get over it? Yes.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Humans
BDSM Is Not Abuse
I'm an abuse survivor and I've seen abusive doms. So please believe me when I say that I know the difference between abuse and BDSM. Anything that happens in consensual BDSM relationships is desired by both parties. In a BDSM relationship everything is negotiated. Anything that happens outside of that is abuse. The reason so many people confuse BDSM with abuse is because we are conditioned to believe that abuse look like the girl getting beat up or her being controlled. So when we see someone with bruises or being controlled we think that they are being abused. Yes abuse is possible but they can also be in a BDSM relationship.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Filthy
Minors In Kink
I am not sure if I will lose or gain readers by saying this, but I will never support minors in the BDSM or kink world. Hell, a lot of the times I don't think that anyone under 20 should be in the lifestyle. Most teenagers only think of themselves and in reality, when you are a Dom or sub you can't do that. There are also times when people who are 18+ can't think of anything but themselves. Plus, in most states in America, all sex related activities you have to be at least 18 to be involved in the act. So, do you know what that means? If you are 17 or younger people can go to jail for doing sex acts to you or with you, and a lot of kink acts are sexual in nature. BDSM on some formats have been described as a relationship between two people who are emotionally, mentally and sexually mature, so adults basically. Sorry y'all, kink is not for kids.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Filthy
Relationships
Back in the day when my parents or grandparents were growing up, you met people at work or school dated then if they fell in love got engaged and married. Kids were usually involved too but things have changed. We have so many people just hanging out and hooking up. I'm sorry but wanting to find the one someone to have a real relationship with in this hook up culture is a new and very special kind of hell. Some millennial men don't want to be romantic or man up and make stuff right when they mess up. Some men have no idea how to be the men women need. They also don't want to pay for shit. We also have online dating and dating apps. The online thing kind of makes me feel like I'm shopping for a mate or a date instead of looking for one. I think people just want stuff to be quick. What people forget is that quick or instant doesn't always equal the best fit or forever.
By Lena Bailey6 years ago in Humans
BDSM
Yes ladies, the book series that a million people (mainly women) read is full of crap. 50 Shades of Grey had a few glaring flaws, the main one was that Christian is a stalker who had a temper which is not a good combination for a dom or a boyfriend. Really think about it, would you want a guy who has a temper AND had access to floggers, paddles and other impact toys? I know I wouldn't. Those toys can hurt, I know I've been hit by them. An ex had impact toys and we explored that side.
By Lena Bailey7 years ago in Filthy
Ghosting
Almost everyone knows what ghosting is. If you don't know what it is, it's where people stop texting or calling. They just fall off the face of the planet with out explanation. It usually happens among people who are dating but it's incredibly annoying and frustrating. It also happens among friends too. I usually move on after a month of someone ghosting. I figure if you don't care to tell me what's going on, then you don't care. What? You got so busy and you couldn't tell me? And I'm supposed to wait for you? Nope, sorry, not buying it. Sometimes people do ghost deep into the relationship and it confuses the other person. I think if you ghost the other person has every right to move on and forget about you, especially if it's been a month or more. Now if you warn the person, "hey I'll be busy for awhile" it's not really ghosting, it's just life. If you do warn them it has to to lead to a conversation about what to do if you go a month or more without communication.
By Lena Bailey7 years ago in Humans