Lana V Lynx
Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and dystopia under a pen name of my favorite wild cat.
Putin Is NOT Dead
To calm down the rumors of his death, tuned-up and refreshed Putin has conducted a meeting with his Security Council today (Monday, Oct.30). I asked ChatGPT to translate his introductory remarks. Consider this the reaffirmation of his anti-West foreign policy. I personally believe this is one of the most hostile anti-American speeches to date, also addressing the antisemitic events in Makhachkala (Dagestan, Russia) this weekend:
- Top Story - October 2023
"Is Putin Dead?"Top Story - October 2023
The Russian online public sphere has been buzzing with new rumors of Putin's death this week. On Tuesday, a rumor started to circulate that he had a heart attack and was in poor shape. And on Thursday (Oct.26, 2023) an anonymous "Russian Foreign Intelligence Service General" account on the Russian social media platform Telegram posted this:
If you ever felt embarrassed for someone else, even though you are not the one who did something wrong, you know what I'm talking about. Vicarishame happens when you witness someone say something incredibly stupid, outright lie, being rude to others, or doing something else that you know is wrong. You are ashamed for them, vicariously. For example, I experience this type of embarrassment every time I watch Jordan Klepper of The Daily Show interact with Trump supporters who do not realize how easily they get into his logical traps.
- Top Story - October 2023
Maxed Out on Horror, for a While Top Story - October 2023
In honor of upcoming Halloween, I have composed two haiku verses about my experience with horror movies. A little background for context: in summers of 1989, 1990, and 1991, while a university student, I had a job as a train car attendant serving long-distance trains. When I was off my shift, I used to go to the video salon car to watch pirated American movies that were over-flooding our previously scarce entertainment options since Gorbachev started perestroika.
Stevie Is Inside!
I have finally taken my Stevie the pineapple inside as it is supposed to get a lot colder this weekend. Winter is coming. I planted it two summers ago. I simply cut off a pineapple crown and stuck it into a pot. Since then, I replanted it into a bigger pot twice and this summer when I traveled for work I gave the pineapple to my good friend Jim who gave it even a bigger pot. Jim also asked me what the name of the pineapple was and I blurted out the first name that came to my mind: Stevie. She is also a girl, a mate to Jim’s Pete. That’s how the plant became Stevie and I like it.
"You are not my daughter!"
I am alone. I feel empty. My belly is in pain and rumbling. It’s been a long time since I have seen people. I look out the window and watch people and children on the playground outside. The children are so happy, running around and laughing. I remember my own children laughing like that. A girl, Annie, and a boy, Paul. Seems like some time ago. But how long? I don’t remember.
"Don't Wash Your Raspberries!"
Last weekend, I was sick in a way that does not nail you to bed but makes you slow and unwilling to do anything. So, to stop feeling pity for myself and to do something productive I forced myself into berry-picking. I’d found another farm, not my usual Dillon Fruit Farm in Lisbon, Ohio, but a closer farm off SR-322 on the way to Cleveland, called Ransom Sage Farm, which I'd wanted to check out for some time. I decided October 7 was a good day for it, especially because it was supposed to get much colder on Sunday and raspberries are not good at handling the cold. This could have been my last chance at berry-picking this year.
Chicken Bake Date
At Costco, a woman is moving her cart along with that of a very handsome lean man. She is pretty good-looking too, reminds me a little of Cameron Diaz. They are about the same age, probably in their late 40s. The woman is side-eyeing the man but he doesn’t seem to note. He is on a mission to fill up his cart as soon as possible and get out of here.
How to take over American trucking business
Fair warning: This is satire, albeit based in reality. I would never recommend anyone who is a good person to do this. 1. Start out by embezzling and stealing money in your high government official position in a small country. Move the money to a solid American bank. Quietly buy an investor visa.
Brief Modern History of Russia
Before 1917, Russian people’s life was miserable. The mostly agrarian country with a compulsory 25-year military service term for male peasants was fighting Germans in World War I and brewing in revolutions and pogroms since 1905. The Bolsheviks led by Lenin (a multi-lingual political Marxist and populist dreamer living in Germany at the time who had a bone to pick with Nikolas II, the Russian tzar) promised to take the country out of the war, redistribute the wealth by giving the factories to workers and land to peasants and to make people’s life better if they did the Revolution.