LaKeisha K Loving
If you love short personal stories, poems, and the talks about self love, care, appreciation, and motivation you are in the right place!
note: I don't own any PICTURES that are posted!
Twitter & Instagram: @lakeishalovv
When we talk about heartbreak we tend to only think about the romantic or friendship ones. Well let’s talk about a heartbreak that a lot of us can relate to. One that has broken a lot of our hearts into pieces. One that involves a person that’s supposed to be our first love on this planet. The one that helped bring us into this world. Do you know who I’m talking about? If you were thinking to say God, nope! It’s definitely not him! He’s the only one we know for sure that would not do such a thing! I think a lot of us can agree. Did you guess it yet? Yes, you got it right, a Mother or a Father. I know this can be a touchy subject for some. It definitely is for me. So, It’s okay! You are not alone. I’m right here with you. First heartbreak. Man, ain’t It crazy that someone who’s supposed to love, care, respect, support, and more act like they don’t give a shit about you at all! If you ask me, It’s really not an “act”. They prove It by their actions that they don’t give a fuck whatsoever. I know that exact feeling. Feeling like you are not good enough to care, love, or to respect! It’s a real shitty feeling! Not having a parent in your life can be difficult most times. Sometimes not having a parent in your life can mold you into the person you are today. Meaning you can bring your trust issues, abandonment issues, codependency issues, lack of love, and many more issues into other relations. You can really have issues of your own just by not having someone who’s supposed to be an important factor in your life there. I'm gonna be vulnerable for a little bit and share my background involving my father who’s not in my life. Honestly he doesn’t deserve to be called a “Father”. He’s really my sperm donor. That may be harsh for him to hear, but I can tell you what is harsh? For what he put not only myself but my siblings as well through! Shit, I have a lot to say about him! I’m not even going to expose him like that… but you know what, fuck that shit! My “harsh” and his “harsh” are completely different. There's no comparison! So you want to know what’s fucking harsh? Harsh is when you pick drugs over your own children! You know what else is harsh, is when you see that person being there for another woman and their children more than they've ever been for YOU! I got another one. What’s harsh is when that person acts like they’re not doing anything wrong to you and when they do feel like showing up for you that one time they act like shit is all peaches and creams! Oh, here’s another one! What’s fucking harsh is when that person manipulates you into thinking they will do their absolute best, be there for you more, spend time with you more, love you more, respect you more and they don’t fucking come through at all! Says all this shit just to end up lying to you. That’s fucking harsh! You know what makes me more upset is when the person is playing as if they are the motherfuckin’ victim! Sir, I didn’t do shit to you but fucking breathe. I didn’t do shit to you but ask you to be and to do better for you and your children. I shouldn’t even have to ask my so-called “parent” not even once for that shit. It should be mandatory! It just baffles me how you know you have children out there and it doesn’t cross your mind that they need you. Yeah, well guess what? I don’t need him and I never did! He showed me that all along. I made it this far without him already! Now yes, I may have issues as an adult now, and yes he has played a huge part in that. I also know though I have to be grown up enough to know that now that I am an adult I have the tools and the power to fix all that shit about myself! I want you guys to understand that. Yes, you may have issues due to someone putting that in you...but baby you are powerful and conquer any fucking thing! Don’t blame anyone for that even if they 100 percent deserve it. I tell you, it can be complicated sometimes. It’s like you want to blame that person and be the victim… but let me tell you something, you are not a victim. We may feel like we’re, we may be seen that way to others who haven't gone through it, but we’re not! We’re so much more than that! We’re strong, brave, amazing, and many more great things. We could’ve followed in their footsteps but we know what’s wrong so we choose to do better. Despite our issues we have with ourselves, we learned to do one thing. For some of us, that’s not to abandon what you created. If you were given a blessing, an opportunity to be a parent that's one thing you absolutely do not do. I don’t care about the situation! If you are not doing good, simply do better for that child. That's the only way! You know what’s crazy though? Sometimes we don’t understand that, if we made it without them we can keep making it without them. Do you hear me people? You are doing just fine without them! They are the ones missing out. It’s their loss. Not yours! So don’t you dare beat yourself up about them choosing many things over you. You are a miracle and something worth keeping and fighting for and if they can’t see that… then fuck them respectfully & at that, they don’t fucking deserve you. I don’t care what anyone says. People may say “that’s still your mom” or that’s still your dad” you still need to respect them! TO HELL WITH THEM! Why respect them if they never respected you in the first place? They were not respecting you by not being present! Another thing, having a deadbeat mother or father really feels like you are dead. Seriously, put it like this...how is it that a person can lose their child(s) and they’re not even dead? You go on about your life like they’re no longer here on this earth? It’s pretty fucking sad and pathetic...and they for real come around for that one time and TRY to make it better but fail miserably. Just another one of their games of manipulation! It’s like you want to feel bad for them but how can you feel bad for someone that chose this? How can you feel bad for someone who did this to themselves? Fuck, how can you feel bad for someone who knew what the fuck they were doing all along? How? Exactly, because you can’t! Their the ones who made their beds, now they have to fucking lay in it! Simple! I know it can be hard, but don’t let how your “mom” or “dad” made you feel determine your worth or character. If anything, let them inspire you to not be like them. Do better for yourself and children and if you don't have any, than your future children! Be the better version of your “parent” so you can inspire your children one day to be the best they can be for their future children. At the end of the day we can’t erase DNA or where, who, and what we came from...but we can sure as hell erase the unwanted patterns. So Thank you DAD for showing me what not to be like with my child, at least I can say that’s one thing you inspire me with! All the other great things about me, I learned from my mother that actually plays both roles. So shout out to my mother for also inspiring me in a good way. You a real one and I’ll give you the world one day because you deserve it! I hope you all get through these tough times though and RISE THE FUCK UP! You are loved and you are definitely enough.
Remember the Beautiful Things in your Life. No matter how big or small It Is!
Calm, Cool, and Collected. Laying down on this beautiful sunny day. The wind is blowing with a sweet swift. It feels so nice. All I’m missing is a glass of strawberry lemonade with a lot of ice. Just the way I like. Little things like this make me feel like I’m living my best life. I take things like this for granted sometimes. It’s not at all right. I am not stressed or depressed. I am honestly so fucking blessed. I’ve come so far and need to take a step back and learn to love every minute of it. Appreciate my achievements and not always look at what you would call my disappointments. I just want to throw something in here real quick. My life revolves around this little girl that is literally a copy and paste just like this one man she calls her “daddy”. Has a heart and mind that she takes from someone she calls her “mommy”. She’s doing fine. She’s doing great. This little girl was the greatest gift sent from the man through the heaven gates. This little girl is my love, peace, and happiness all around. She’s actually the biggest blessing I’ve ever received. The greatest love I’ve ever had. She’s beautiful with a heart of gold and a smile that will turn your grey days, into a big bright sun of gold. I will treasure her everyday as if she is a pot of gold and give her all she ever wants, needs and some more. That’s not a worry though. My only worry in life is what will be provided on the dinner table tonight. In a sense, will it be bad food that doesn’t make our tummies feel right or good food that makes the mind, soul, and body feel just right? We all know less junk more greens is the best way to eat. So we should make sure we take that into consideration the next time we are ready to eat. On that note this is just a small percentage of what’s going on in this head I call mine. Today laying down in the sun on this beautiful day I am blessed and highly favored to be where I am at today. Thanking God for another day. I Appreciate small moments like this. To be able to think, feel, and be aware of what's down and deep inside of me. Some people aren't able to experience small gifts and talents like this. So next time I won’t take it for granted. These are things that should make me feel really blessed. So yes everything is nice and feels just right! I am feeling alright.
The difference between healthy & toxic?
Is it healthy or is It toxic? You would know, right? What are the red and green flags? You would know them...right? What’s the difference between a narcissist or a genuine person? Do you know? Well I know things like this too well but I understand if you don’t. Being in love or having love for someone can really blind you to the point where you start questioning yourself, if you are right or wrong about certain things. Whether that be romantic, platonic, friends, or even a family member. It can be difficult when you just want to see the good in someone but also ignoring what they are possibly putting you or themselves through. There is a lot of toxicity that can play out when it involves someone you love. Some of the red flags include being manipulated, being gas lighted, having regular falling outs, being unsupportive, overstepping your boundaries, and many more, you name it! I know I’ve been in your shoes and you may want to know how to get out of those situations. So what would I do? Well a part of me would say “yes, it will be easy to just up and leave” but I also understand if you love someone dearly it can be really difficult, in other words you are basically not ready to let that person go just yet. It will just take time, we would all guess… but also If it comes to that therapy would be a good suggestion before making a drastic decision like that. Now the another part of me thinks if there's really no love there or no coming back than yes of course if someone is giving you hell all day every day, manipulating you every chance they get, leaving you when shit doesn't go there way, not supporting your own life decisions, gaslight you, overstepping your boundaries purposely, and constantly making you feel bad, literally to the point you can’t catch a break from nothing.... than hell yes, get the fuck up out of there before they drain the fuck out of you even more. Your peace and happiness is not worth losing for ANYBODY! I promise you. I’ve been there and done that! What’s worth it is to save yourself before it’s too late, I’m telling you! Do it, before they have you in there hold for however long they want you there. The longer you stay in toxic energies, the more stressed and depressed you will become. We all know that. If you didn’t know that, now you do! Now that was all about toxicity when it comes to relationships. Let’s get into what could definitely be healthy signs in relationships. We don’t want you going around self sabotaging relationships worth keeping now! This is definitely something to bring up because yes there is such a thing of having something great and you don’t even know it. It can be due to overthinking, not being able to trust, being afraid, or just simply not having an idea what “great” is. Let’s start off by saying this, no is perfect so just because you come across someone great doesn’t mean they are not going to have their moments to where they are indeed the bad guy. Get it? Got it? Okay good. Now that we got that out the way we are gonna get into what I like to call “green flags”. It’s obvious the opposite of the “red flags”. Here we go! Now an important green flag, within a healthy relationship is comprehension, healthy communication, UNDERSTANDING, trust, and respect. There’s a lot more, those are just some to look out for! Now if you notice these signs with any loved one, congrats you have people that deeply love and care for you. They are the ones that RESPECTS you, your decisions, your feelings, your boundaries, and your words. To me that is fucking awesome. You oughta be be grateful for that. Comprehension is a major one! Put it like this, how can you possibly have a conversation with someone and they are not even trying to understand where you are coming from? That’s a motherfuckin' problem. I guess you can say both communication and understanding falls under comprehension! I can’t stress this enough, It’s so important to have within a healthy relationship. Somebody understanding why you are feeling a certain way, understanding why you are upset, happy, annoyed you name it. Just understanding YOU period. So again if you have that or come across that, ding ding ding ding a green flag is right in front of your damn face! Appreciate it!... I don’t know if I explained this one so if I did, I apologize...Another major one for me is R E S P E C T. Respecting your people should be fucking mandatory. If they are respecting your choices, boundaries, your things, or YOU IN GENERAL, uhm sir, ma’am y'all got some keepers y’all need to keep around because man sometimes I feel like that shit is hard to come by nowadays! SO AGAIN, APPRECIATE IT! Another green flag and this is one that's definitely important to me...trust. You gotta have trust man, you gotta. If there is not trust in a relationship where the fuck is that gonna go? Exactly, no fucking where! It’s not gonna make it! If there's no trust, there's no fucking relationship. Period. Simple as that! Have trust with your people. If they haven’t done anything to you. Don’t you dare go and accuse them of something you got no business accusing them of! That’s just flat out wrong, whether it’s you or them doing it I don’t care don’t even do it! PLEASE TRUST, It’s really important not just to me but I’m sure plenty of others feel the same way! Even if they did something slightly to you, learn to give them the benefit of the doubt and TRUST that they won’t do anything to you again. Yes, you heard me! It’s okay to give people chances sometimes. Nobody is perfect,everyone makes mistakes. It’s called being human. That doesn’t mean put up with unnecessary shit but to know It’s normal to mess up sometimes. Remember that! To close this out, If you have not experienced this type of love from anyone around you, soon or later you will encounter those people and you will know exactly who they are from the jump If It will be a great relationship. TRUST ME! With that being said this is just what I see as red flags in relationships to what I see as green flags in a relationship. Like I said in the beginning of this message that it is indeed important to know the difference between a healthy and toxic relationship. Some people really don't have a damn clue on what’s the difference. Some people are still growing up, learning, and need guidance and advice so that's why I wrote this, to help someone because maybe they need to see this. Take the whole thing or take it with a grain of salt! Either way I hope my message gets across to you :)
Self Love is the Best Love.
“ I hate myself”. “I’m not good enough”. “I’m a failure”. “ I don’t deserve anything good”. “ I’m so ugly”. “I’m not doing enough”. “I can't do it”. “ I’m too fat”. “I’m too skinny”. We can’t lie. We all have said things like these to ourselves at one point. Am I right? I get it, it seems way easier to say hateful things about ourselves than to say loveable things about ourselves. Why is it like that? Well I can’t actually tell you what I know but I can tell you what I think. Talking bad about ourselves can seem easier because by us doing that we have a chance to get validation from someone to see their point of view about ourselves so we can feel better. You know how it goes. “I look so ugly, why can’t I be pretty?”. With someone responding by saying “ Well I think you are pretty!”. You see that? VALIDATION. When we say these hateful things we are giving someone else room to make us feel better. When in reality it starts with YOU. You have to make yourself feel better! You hear me? You should never want to seek validation, appreciation, or confirmation from ANYBODY. I don’t care if you are trying to seek it from your friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, mama, daddy, or your bald headed granny. If I’m being honest you wouldn't have to be seeking it if you have the right people around you already letting you know what’s up. That’s not even the point I’m trying to make. The point is that you need to be there for yourself more. Get dressed up, drink your water, take your vitamins, remind yourself you are awesome, you are beautiful, you do love your body, you are lovable, you are enough, you CAN do it, you are doing enough, you do deserve everything good coming your way. Give yourself the love that you were seeking for someone else to give you. You have the power to make yourself feel like you are the best. You are a trophy. Shit even make yourself feel like you are a pot of fucking gold because that is what you are! This self love and care right here is no one's fucking job but yours. What are you gonna do if those people just vanished out your life one day? They ain’t there no more. They bounced out your life...They ain't there no more for you to seek approval. Nowhere in site….You see where I’m going with this? That’s why it’s important to be there for you, to love and care for YOU. I can’t say stress it enough. If people wanna make you feel good on their own that’s fine but don’t ever ask or rely on no one for it. It’s not worth crying or to stress about. You came into this world alone and you are gonna die alone. Love yourself unconditionally. Love yourself unapologetically. Love yourself and don’t give a fuck anyone hating on you...becasue yes, you’ll run into people who don’t like that about you. Why? I have no fucking idea to be honest. I know it’s fucking sad how that has to be. You can’t even love yourself to the fullest without someone's feathers being ruffled for whatever damn reason. You know what I would say, give the haters a reason to hate, to be jealous, to be negative. That’s their own issues that they have to deal with, because you won’t be doing anything wrong but LOVING YOURSELF. Those hateful people clearly have things to work on themselves. You think I give a fuck about what people say about me? Nope, I don’t give a pig's big ass. You know why? because I know myself and love myself enough to not care about the next motherfuckers opinion about ME, about MY LIFE. That’s what type of time I want you to learn to be on. You only got one life! Stop caring about the bad all the damn time and start looking at the good more. Repeat after me, “ I create the life I want. I inhale confidence and exhale doubt”. You got this in the bag. Good things are coming to you. You will succeed at anything you put your mind to. Just pray, have faith, do the work and just you wait you will see for yourself what you were always capable of doing. xoxo
A short introduction takes a turn
Hello there, great way to start off an intro huh? Right at this moment I’m tired and frustrated right now but hey, I’m just here ready to write about whatever my mind and fingers want to take me. Excuse me, let me be polite. You may not know me so let me do a small proper introduction on who I am, how old I am, and all that jizz and jazz. My name is LaKeisha Loving but I also go by Keke, you may call me whichever you prefer. I mean you can honestly call me whatever you're comfortable with. You can even call me a “Bitch” for all I care. You know I ain’t gonna lie I can act just like that... a “bitch”. You know whether it’s intentionally or unintentionally. It’s acceptable because I’m the type that clearly don’t be giving a fuck anyway. There goes another fact about me. Am I doing good? Okay great! Anyways I’m a broke 22 year old that’s trying to make something out of myself. I’ve failed at a lot of things in life, including school. Yes, you got it right I’m what they call a dropout and no I’m not saying that with pride because to be honest It’s really embarrassing considering I myself and others had high hopes that I would have accomplished that. Shit I even failed my permit test. No I didn’t take it yet but I failed because I haven’t taken the steps to take it. You get my drift? I know what you are thinking, “Why don’t you take it? It’s not that hard”. Well the reason for that which shouldn’t even be one is that If you didn’t know by now is that I’m a big procrastinator. I can say I’m gonna get something done then time passes and guess what I didn’t get it done. It’s almost like I don’t have the motivation. Maybe I’m depressed and I’m not aware of it. I know for a fact that’s a terrible trait, you don’t even have to tell me. I thought by being a Mother that I was going to stop procrastinating and be more motivated than I ever was. Oh yes, I forgot to add that detail about me, yes I’m a Mother. I have a daughter, her name is Alecia Rose Wilson, she’s 2 years young turning 3 in August. She’s the most beautiful human being I’ve ever laid my eyes on. She’s so smart, silly, sweet, loving, playful, and just all the amazing things you can think of. I know nobodies perfect but damn she sure as hell is close to it. Maybe that’s why I can most likely be depressed because I know I should be doing more for my little one. I know I’m not a terrible mother, I just feel like it sometimes. I care and love her the way a mother is supposed to. I guess you can put it like this, I'm financially unstable. My life is fucked up in some areas and I decided to bring a child into this when I know my child deserves better. Indeed, I know she deserves the best, better than what I ever had. That should no doubt be my motivation. I know that. Like sometimes I wanna shake myself and be “dammit Lakeisha all you have to do is say what you are gonna do and push yourself past your limit you stupid bitch”. I don’t think I ever tried to be hard on myself, maybe that's what I need to start to do. Discipline myself, stop being comfortable, it is necessary. If I continue not to motivate or discipline myself I will forever be comfortable in the position I’m in. I don’t want or need to be comfortable in my situation anymore. I need to get my GED, get my permit test out the way. I am 22 yrs old for the love of God. I need to get off my lazy ass and get a damn job. It doesn’t even have to be a 9-5 I can literally do what I always wanted to do. I just gotta put my mind to it and don’t give up. Be the best I can be for me, my daughter, and for anyone who loves me. Sometimes it is easier said than done. I know that doesn’t matter though I really gotta understand that it ain’t about me anymore, this is all about and for my baby girl. A happy baby equals a happy mama. I’m sorry I was supposed to be doing my small introduction but got a little carried away. It can be like that sometimes. Maybe I just needed to let it out and expose myself. I was a shaken up bottle ready to explode anyway. I’m disappointed in what I allowed myself to become. I’m in control of my own life and make my own decisions. I can’t blame no one but my damn self. I’m gonna need to stop comparing my life to others and start elevating mine. Maybe if I do that I will have what I need, want and some more. I have to start making promises to myself because I know one thing I don’t do is break those promises. I will just need the right tools and be on my way to my desired path with my baby girl right by my side. I wasn’t planning on talking about my struggles in my life but if you read this far, Thank you. Thank you for taking your time to see a look at the real me. My blessings, my struggles are now exposed for whoever to see. All I know is I won't ever be ashamed of my story. Everybody goes through trials in their lives so to be honest I don't give a fuck if anybody has anything negative to say because I know for fact they’re going through something as well, it may not be what exactly what I'm going through but its something. All we can all do is pray for better days and work on getting where we need to be. At the end of the day, all of us collectively in this world...In my own personal eyes there's never competition within life. I want love, happiness, and peace and want to see myself eat and do what I always knew I was capable of doing. I pray for those days, and for me personally I know I will get there. Y'all will know who LaKeisha Loving is soon. This isn’t over yet.