Hiya! My name is KJ, and I love all things writing! My favorite things to write are short stories and poems. Come by and see what I have to offer and find your new favorite piece of literature! Contact me: [email protected]
Demons of the Past
*Trigger warning* I have faced many demons in my life. All of them have made me question my self worth. We all know that a child's mind is extremely fragile, so when you are young and things happen, it can harm you. For me, it all started when I met my first demon at the tender, young age of eight. Her name was body dysmorphia. Since I was young, I have absolutely hated my body; I was always the biggest one in my class. I was always the outcast; in my group of three, there was always the other two and me by myself. I was often excluded from activities by my "friends," and, as a child, that stuff really stings. Even as I grew up, my "friends" would abandon me the moment I was no longer useful to them. I had to learn early to be a loner. I found my solace in writing. I always turned to writing stories as an outlet for my loneliness and heartache.
Life Deals a Hard Hand (Part 4)
Have you ever wondered what a (nonepileptic) seizure felt like? In short, no fun, but here is what I experience when I have them. Remember, though, everyone has different experiences with PNES, and, therefore, different triggers. Personally, mine are from PTSD (we will talk about that another day). Here is what I typically experience:
Life Deals a Hard Hand (Part 3)
Living with PNES has made my life much harder. Not only do I still have major depression and anxiety, now I have to battle my seizures, constant paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations (mostly due to PTSD). I have dealt with depression and anxiety since I was in high school (so I can easily handle when it affects me), but the newer issues have made me feel helpless, crazy, and detached. I know it may sound stupid, but because of my PTSD (and generally not being able to get out much), I have become somewhat afraid of interactions now. Granted, when I am with someone it is slightly better, but I am constantly in fear of being attacked and even just talked to.
Once Upon a Love
Once Upon a Love The world spun in black and white until I saw your face. The first time our eyes met My world turned to color.
Gifts from the Heart
It is that time of year again: the time of year where we all scrounge around for our Christmas trees, decorations, and, sometimes, money for gifts. This year has been a hard year for almost all of us, I believe. I, for one, have had a very hard year. In short, I was put on temporary medical leave (so no income now) and I am not allowed to work according to my doctor. Because of all of this, I was struggling, looking for ways to make Christmas work this year. Even though I cannot work, I still want to give everyone something (which is definitely hard when you have no extra cash on hand to buy anything let alone presents). I mulled over every option I could think of: buying cards, giving them something I have, selling blood plasma just to make ends meet, you know, the usual. Then, I finally thought of something that would be meaningful and everyone would love: homemade gifts.
Life Deals a Hard Hand (Part 2)
Let's go back to the beginning. Last year, I had my first seizure, it wasn't, to my knowledge, anything out of the ordinary. My mother-in-law to-be scared the hell out of me and my then-girlfriend (now fiancé). I began to shake before passing out for three hours. I thought it was just an overreaction of my vagus nerve; ya know, no big deal. Fast-forward a year. In the beginning of the year, I noticed something was off in my brain (nothing unusual since I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety around 5 years ago), but it turned out to be something I would have never guessed. I had all of three seizures in the past year--until late winter or early spring. I began having a seizure-like episode here and there, nothing too serious, ya know. Once I moved into my own place, the dam finally burst into a million pieces. The floodgates of memories, fears, and mental illnesses all released at the same time, making my life a complete hell. I was at a loss; I didn't know anything was really wrong until my seizures became almost daily. I tried to fight them, and I did...at first. They became too much to fight; so I finally caved, letting them take their course, but going down fighting. The day I was put on medical leave, I lost my sense of independence. I fell into a repetitive cycle of questioning what I did to deserve such a harsh punishment, but no answer came to me. I constantly worried about what was wrong and why I was messed up beyond all else. I cried and yelled and begged for death to come and take me away, take my pain away from me.
Life Deals a Hard Hand (Part 1)
Picture this. You have a normal life: you get up, go to your nine-to-five, come back home, fix dinner, take care of your animals, take a shower talk to your fiancee, then go to bed. This is your typical routine, nothing special, nothing bad. Now, imagine you wake up one day, just like every other day; you get up and go to work, but when you come home, something feels off. You fix dinner and lay on the bed to watch some show on TV with your fiancee, then, all of a sudden, you lose complete control and begin to have your first seizure. These seizures become a daily routine until the day you have ten at work and they send you to the ER. You go to a neurologist, and their first idea is epilepsy. OK, you can deal with that; it can't be that bad, right? Boy, you couldn't have been more wrong.