So many people are dealing with depression right now. I see it in the news and I have read it on social media from friends. I have a cousin who lost her father last year and she still has a hard time going out in public and has yet to go to any family functions. She was his caregiver. He was her life. I can understand how this has damaged her. I miss her. Although I make it a point to reach out to her. She will not have visitors, so I call or text or chat with her on Facebook.
Traversing the roads that wind and spin through my mind. Memories on both sides. One memory leads to the next. Turning corners at intersections of thoughts and reminders. Sometimes taking corners too fast and getting thrown off track then having to turn back around and find where I left off. How did I get here from there? I retrace my steps. Traversing farther into my own past. Visiting happy places and avoiding the places I’d rather not remember. I can never stay on one path. Memory Lane has too many detours ahead. I go from here to there and journey backward in time. Never knowing when I will be back again. I wonder if I should be mapping this out. Sometimes I’m not sure where I started this little tour, but I am here now. The trees and the wind and the smell of a memory. Reminding me of so many things. Sparking memories of days gone past and a longing to share them with others. So, my memories I decide I will share. I will write them all down for others to read. I will try my best to entertain. Until the day comes when my travels down Memory Lane are all that is left of me.
I know that I often times, get lost in here.
I cannot explain why or how. I just get lost in here.
I am adrift in my own mind. Not doing the things I should be doing
To be amazing. To be loved. To be famous.
I wanted to be all of these things.
I was not always excepted. I was not always expected.