Joy Ergang
Bio
Avid poet and writer.
Stories (41/0)
Dear Scientology
Dear Scientology, I am done! Done being a victim. Done being exploited for your gain. Done giving money that I don't have for services and books that don't improve my life. I am done being brainwashed into thinking that a life of Scientology is the only way to live.
By Joy Ergang6 years ago in Futurism
Please Daddy
Please daddy, I want to get through at least a week without you yelling at me. I rather you talk to me rather than you going at the top of your lungs about what I did wrong. I'm scared of you, daddy, for so many reasons. I want you to help me to learn from my wrongs instead of walking away and not do a thing. I feel like I'm being raised more by a monster than a daddy. I cry myself asleep at night wondering why you don't love me. A roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, and all the other things mean nothing to me, because love cannot be bought. There's nothing more than I want than you spending time with me. You might not think you're being a bully, yet you hurt me more than you realize when you call me names and yell at me. Sometimes I don't even know what I did that makes you so made and turn into a monster. I want you to stop making me feel like I don't belong, when I get enough of it at school. Please daddy, I'm too young to be thinking about running away, and to be dealing with grown up issues. I should be learning from you instead of wanting to run from you. The way you're treating mommy isn't right. When you're not home she cries, and talks to herself of how much she wants to leave you and take me with her. She loves you, yet she needs to get away from you for a while because of the stress you put her through. Please daddy, for once stop thinking that you're God's gift to mankind, and for once, realize how much stress, pain and agony you're causing to the ones you say you love. Please daddy, talk to me. I want to know how to make things less stressful for you. I honestly don't want to live with a monster anymore. Please daddy, listen to me. I want you to prove your words and be the father you claim to be to your friends. I am ashamed to go with you, because I'm only there for you to show me off like a one -trick-pony. You are never truly there when I need you the most. You are physically present, yet you are in a completely different world when you are home. Mommy could really use your help around the house instead of you constantly chastising her for not doing things the way you want. The way things look around here, especially the basement, I'm surprised I'm not taken away yet. Please daddy, I don't want to live like this any more than you do. I want to be in a family that brings each other up rather than one that's constantly fighting. I want to get through this together before it's too late. I don't want to live like this any more. I shouldn't be living in constant fear of if I'm going to be taken away or will end up dying. I need help so bad that I don't even know where to turn. What do I have to do to prove how terrified I am, daddy? I truly feel that I don't have a voice and no one will listen to me. Please daddy, please talk to me at my level instead of treating me older than I already am. I don't want to grow up too fast and regret the childhood I never had. Enjoy the time we now have together instead of wishing in the future of not having precious memories. Please daddy, spend time with me because tomorrow isn't promised.
By Joy Ergang6 years ago in Families
Disrupted Dialogue
Should I even be sorry? I don't know. Let alone, I don't know who I am. Been told to sit down and shut up, be seen and not heard, and no one cares about what you have to say. Withheld my thoughts and feelings for far too long. No one ever would expect me to stand up for myself.
By Joy Ergang6 years ago in Motivation
Internal Dialogue With Anxiety & Depression
Rotting in this vicious cycle. Can't get the noise in my head off of repeat. A constant wrecking ball of unexpected masses smashing my happiness to smithereens. Never have been good enough for others, now it's time for me to be exceptional for myself. I am done having my boundaries dismantled every time I put the last brick in. This isn't the road I anticipated to be on. Filled with potholes of multiple guilt trips. Caring too much for others and never enough for me. Pushed too far over my limits that I've snapped without people noticing. Afraid to ask for help for so many reasons, yet I can't keep everything bottled inside. Needing to find out who I am instead of being told by the ones around me. There are times I wish I no longer existed. In a mind like mine, death doesn't seem selfish with all the pain, hurt, and agony that has been gone through. It's easy to say, "That it can't be that bad." Yet no one knows the hell that I've gone through. Yet, I remain for those who rely on me. That's my problem. I care too damn much for the people that care the least for me. They don't even notice, even when I tell them how much pain and torment I am going through. I haven't been taking care of myself the way I need to be. I have been putting the priorities of others before my own. This suffering in silence needs to end. Tired of being called selfish and inconsiderate for taking time for myself to refresh and take care of me. Filled with emotions that have pushed me to do the right thing for myself and the ones dear to my heart. Things going through my mind on a daily basis. I shouldn't have to apologize for who I am. I'm fully aware that I need to change, not for others, but for myself. So if I don't fit in your perfect mold of who you think I should be, then you should invest in a doll to better accommodate your needs. You don't even know who I am because you are so preoccupied with your assumptions. I am trying so hard to better myself by taking it one day at a time. The things I have been doing lately is for my sanity and overall well being. Tired of being condoned for the faults of others they see in themselves that they don't want to own up to. Want to get past the old ideology of being seen and not heard because it is taking a detrimental impact on my overall well being. Everyone is afraid to tell me the truth because of how I may react. I don't want anyone to hold back what they want to say to me. Lack of communication in my life is causing unnecessary stress. I just want to be normal. Yet what is normal? I've got so much on my shoulders that shouldn't be there that I need to get rid of. Ultimately, I need to stop having this internal dialogue on a daily basis. It's slowly killing me inside, this random torment that comes into my life. Becoming ever so impatient with myself that I don't know what to do. I am so indecisive, that I can't even decide. I'm trying to do what's right for me, yet I've been forced to believe for such a long time to put others first and myself last. Why do I have to be damned to others that don't even care have to be put in front of me? I don't deserve to be treated like I don't belong in this world. It's time that I defy the rules that have been laid in place for me. I shouldn't hold back any longer of what's on my mind and tell it how I see it. I am ready to fight for what I believe in, and not afraid to die for it.
By Joy Ergang6 years ago in Psyche
A Letter
Dear Brother-In-Law, I've noticed that you are a tortured soul. Lashing out when the expectations you have set up for yourself aren't met. Placing blame on others for actions you alone have committed. Afraid to ask for help when you need it the most, because it may damage your ego. I know you don't like me, and I don't like you. You take on an alter ego when the truth hits you in the face, and it is never a sugar coated lie to boost your insecurity. Oh, brother-in-law, how can you possibly dismiss all the pain and torment you have caused and created? Those who have given you all their time and energy to keep you quiet have never been good enough for you. You change your stories so many times that they are difficult to believe. Whenever you get called out on your charades, even with all the proof, you do everything in your power to deny the truth, causing the worlds of the people you supposedly love crumble apart. If you are even half the man that you boast yourself to be, then why do you create such a path of disaster and destruction?
By Joy Ergang6 years ago in Families