Stories about the things I find interesting/personal. Thank you for taking the time out of your day for checking me out.
I do the same thing with videos on my YouTube Channel
The Melancholy Feeling of Tarkov
It seems the overall consensus with Tarkov right now is that the game is in a really rough state. And that sentiment (for the most part) is echoed by those who invest a lot of time into the game. Whether it’s streamers or passionate players; the feeling surrounding the game is a whole mix of confusion, concern, frustration, and thinning patience. The promise land of what this game could become looms over the horizon, but what’s right in front of us is a situation that this game has not dealt with before on this magnitude. Right now, as it stands, people are upset at the number of blatant cheaters roaming every map. People are upset this game’s update schedule has come to a crawl. People are upset that at how quickly players can blast through the game and reach “end game”. People are reaching the end of their rope sooner than ever before, in regards how quickly they become desensitized to new content and get bored with the game.
Night Raids in Escape From Tarkov
When you are about to go into a raid in Tarkov, you have the option of choosing which map you would like to play. When you click on a map, you’re given two times that are available to play. These times are usually opposite of one another in terms of when they are during the day. And since Tarkov uses military time to express this, for example, 15:00 may be one option which is 3 in the afternoon, and the alternate option for time will usually be 3 in the morning, meaning it will be very dark and difficult to see. Unfortunately, these off hours for Tarkov don’t get nearly as much playtime as they should. So, an argument could be made to force players to play nighttime more often than we already do.
Interchange is the Hardest map in Escape From Tarkov
Out of the seven maps currently in Tarkov, many have differing opinions on what maps are the easiest and hardest. It really boils down to personal preference and how you the player navigate the map, and what your goal is when on that map. While others have their choices, my personal accolade for the hardest map is without a doubt, Interchange. Ever since its introduction, in patch 0.8, interchange has been the map I spend the least amount of time on; only doing what’s necessary to level up Ragman to loyalty level four, before moving on and never touching the map ever again. And there are some reasons as to why this map gets the least amount of playtime for me.
I don’t remember a lot of my dreams. And the ones I do have recollections of, it’s usually the last chunk of the dream right before I wake up. But what I’ve been doing for some time now, is writing down any of the dreams I do remember. And over the last, I’d say almost four years, I’ve accrued a rather lengthy list of scenarios that I was able to jot down before I forgot them entirely. And for the most part, the dreams I do have are fairly grounded in reality. Nothing about flying, or powers, magic, or anything of the like. They are there, but it’s way more common for me to dream about a single person or place. And of course, the one dream that I have written down the most, or I should say the one person that crops up more than anyone else is her. It surprises me because for someone that I haven’t spoken to verbally in a long time, it’s shocking how often she ends up in my dreams. Again, even these dreams are grounded they aren’t outlandish or bombastic in nature. A lot of the time, it’s just the two of us. Sharing time together. I usually end up recalling the times where we did just that. And all it does is make me yearn for them once again.
Observation - Recollection
I noticed a variety of different people when I was sitting outside around campus one time. I noticed this one girl with glasses on laying under a tree as if she was sleeping there; with her arm under her head, very relaxed. I saw a guy in a full blue outfit; from his glasses down to his shoes. He either had nothing else to wear that day, or he just really enjoys the color blue which is fine as well. I noticed another guy on a skateboard going from one building to another; it must be nice to have an extended form of transportation; one that’s faster than simply walking. I saw a professor going to another class with a very lightly colored briefcase they were carrying. It was over the shoulder and for some reason I couldn’t stop staring at it; maybe that’s their intention with it, who knows. And lastly, I saw a girl with a very distinct hair style. It was a ponytail, but it was so much more elegant. The rest of her hair was very smooth and laid down across her head, as if there weren’t any hairs where they weren’t supposed to be. There are a lot of things in life that you may or may not notice. And while they may seem insignificant, you’d be surprised by what you can learn if you just take the time to notice the smaller things in life. They will end up as memories that you can look back and reflect on. For better or worse.
The Last Message
We had been texting for a couple weeks now. I got her number through a mutual friend of ours and while it was weird and first, once the communication was established, it went off without a hitch. Long sleepless nights going back and forth talking about mundane things. And as someone who always tried to go to bed early and get decent sleep because 6 am was just around the corner, it was the first time I can remember that losing those eight hours was worth it. Whether it was our days or stupid videos and pictures we wanted to share, they usually were fairly light hearted. With the exception of a couple nights where it was a lot of talking about more real and serious stuff. Family, future, friends, relationships; whatever was the flavor of the night if the conversation got to that point. Unfortunately, I always went to bed so early because I needed to get just as early, I ended up falling asleep and apologizing for it the following morning. She would wave it off as nothing, but deep down it felt like I was being rude falling asleep whilst we open up to one another. It didn’t help that I was on my really old rinky-dink touch screen phone. Not an iPhone; something more ancient than that. So, my texting speed was hemorrhaged a great deal because of it. Another reason to feel bad. I always felt like if I didn’t respond quickly, the conversation might just end. Even if I wasn’t the one who initiated it in the first place. So, I made it a point to be quick about replying. Didn’t have to be instantly, but fast enough there isn’t a lull in the conversation.
Why you should play Escape From Tarkov
There are a LOT of video games out these days. And because of that, there’s a game for practically anyone and any taste. Whether you’re just getting into games, or you’ve been playing them since you were little, there’s no denying that video games are wonderful addition for anyone who has time to kill and wants to engage with a media, instead of just watch one. And while it’s always awesome to find a game that’s exactly what you’re looking for, sometimes it’s good to branch out and try other genres or types of games that you may just overlook entirely. Even if it’s games that are notoriously difficult. Some people would look to the Dark Souls series as an example, but what I’m talking about is a game that has blown up in popularity at the start of 2019. Escape From Tarkov.
Mistakes of the Mind
A lot of people overtime have talked about whether or not mistakes they make linger in their minds for long. Which is crazy, because for me personally, mistakes, both big and small, stay around in my head for way longer than they probably should. And I don’t have a good answer as to why.
A Stranger's Assurance
When I started my job before the pandemic in 2020, I remember being extremely nervous about some of the nuances that came with the role. The job itself was fairly straightforward in nature. But, there were some elements to it that I wasn’t one hundred percent on. One of which was the impressively large copy machine they had in the mail room. I had used other ones in the past but this one was much different and I hadn’t gotten a chance to learn a little about how it works in case someone needed something from that machine and I was the only one around in that moment. Well, not to far after I started, maybe a week or so, it was a weekend evening, a little over halfway through my shift, when a gentleman comes in with some papers in his hand. He greeted me with a big smile and asked me if I could get a couple copies of the paper’s he brought with him. At the time, that was my biggest worry; not so much the copy process, but in general, not having the answers for someone in a hastily fashion. So, I clamed up super hard, and began to freak out. I told him I wasn’t proficient with the copier we have. He looked at me and simply told me that’s okay, let’s go to the machine and you can give it a try, because he wasn’t sure how to do it himself either.
I Still Feel like I'm 17.
I still feel like I’m younger than I actually am. Anyone else feel the same way? I can’t speak for anyone else, but for some reason even after graduating high school and then going straight to college, some things still feel the same way. Honestly, this doesn’t, and hasn’t been a good thing for a long time. The reason it’s specifically 17 and not older or younger, is that’s the age when I became acutely aware of my surroundings. How to perceive people; gauge their emotions and whether or not they were having a bad day or not. Putting others ahead of myself. Whether that’s really simple and mundane things like making sure they have a fresh dry towel for a shower, or making sure their drink is topped up. It’s that level of perception that really gauges how I interact and engage with individuals these days. And it’s been that way for years now. This is used particularly for the bad situations, more so than the good ones. I guess I would even go so far as to call it some kind of defense mechanism. And no matter how far ahead of the curve I am, or how many steps ahead I am of a situation before it even becomes one, sooner or later, I mess it up and the end result is always the same; me, burying me head in the sand, wondering how I didn’t foresee that one tiny minute detail, which lead to the whole situation falling out of control. And all that does is perpetuate this cycle of always trying to be ahead of the problem. Which, in reality, you can’t do. It’s impossible. And I know that. So, why can’t I stop?
What made you smile. Those silly, stupid voices I did for you all the time in between classes; where we only had roughly five minutes each break so we had to make the most of it. Running to find one another in the shortest amount of time possible. I remember how neither of us were people pleasers; we both had that default look on our faces that just screamed ‘don’t talk to me’. But then if we couldn’t find one another, we would just pass by each other and give the warmest smile to you and I. It only lasted for maybe a second at best, because we walked just so quickly. But I can still see the moment in my head if I close my eyes. We’d turn to each other, exchange smiles and maybe a little wave, and then back to staring down whatever was in front of us with that death stare. I always laughed to myself whenever it happened because I hadn’t done that with anyone else before.
What if: 6 Years Later.
The ginger ale was flat. Again. It always seems that the far-right soda gun at the bar produces a pitiful example of what a soda should be: cold, crisp, and fizzy. It was only cold. But my mind doesn’t want to focus on asking for a new one. No, there was something significantly more important looming on the horizon. And not just something, but someone. An old friend, with whom I somehow managed to muster up the courage to seeing her at this local little chain restaurant to catch up. Six years… how time has flown. So many memories between now and then. All mainly during college, but those four years blew past without anyone asking how or why. My mind begins to race back to the time right before college. To a much simpler and safer place: senior year of high school. Specifically, the second semester during the winter. Where all the pleasant times occur because of a single person’s kindness and desire to be around me.