From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for loving me through all the bad times. Thank you for sticking by my side through all the messes I’ve made. Thank you for not giving up on me, when I had already given up on myself. I know that’s not easy to do.
“Cut vertical for results, and horizontal for attention. See, she just cuts for attention,” I heard him say. “Screw you!” I thought in my head but decided in that moment it was better to stay quiet. He wasn’t talking about me after all, but he might as well have been.
“Sexual Assault.” That term seems to ring in my ears like I’ve never heard the meaning of it before. “Sexual assault? That’s not what happened to me. That can’t be what happened to me. Who am I for even contemplating the fact of that being what it was.
My darling, as I sit here and try to come up with a way to explain this to you, the first and most important thing I want you to know is that I am sorry. I am sorry that I failed you during this. I am sorry that for a short time, I wasn’t the mother that you needed me to be. I’m sorry that you’ve had to pay some of the price for my mistakes.
Dad, as I sit here and think about how these could be your last few months, weeks, or even days with us here on Earth, my heart aches and I have an immense amount of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I should have visited more, I should have called more often, I should have given you the chance to have a closer relationship with your granddaughters.