On February 21, 2018 I started a program to take back my life from my eating disorder. I had my ED for about a year without even realizing. I was so down on my body and thought the only way to change that was to make myself throw up. Throughout the years, I tried to restrict more and more — not allowing myself to have certain foods, and if I did making sure that I was purging right after. My mom eventually caught on, she asked and asked if I have ever purged and I told her that I would never do that. I began lying to myself. Just one more time, I told myself. I became depressed and didn’t want to go anywhere because if I did I would be forced to eat in front of people which is something that made me feel very uncomfortable. I truly believed that I had it under control. I weighed myself multiple times throughout the day and would lie to my mom about it. I began to feel more and more dizzy and felt ashamed of the way I looked. I felt more depressed and felt like I was lying to the people I loved. I had completely shut down.