Resilience—not to be confused with resistance—is a funny thing, really. Where does it come from?
So, cool thing about me. Sometimes I feel so thankful and happy to be on this Earth that my heart literally starts racing. I’m talking a bona fide happiness that comes deep from within that I am indeed alive and well here on this planet. I’ll listen to music as it courses through my veins and I’ll take deep breaths and I’ll smile to myself. I’ll genuinely feel happy. That elusive feeling that I’ve discovered in recent years, some (many who would surprise you!) never feel or even find. I’ll feel pumped and alive and ready for life. I will be happy, feel excited, and want to literally jump for joy. I’ll look out to the sunrise or sunset and feel calm. At peace. Joyful. Complete.
When I found out I was pregnant I cried. Deep heaving sobs. Not tears of joy. Not well overdue tears of dreams finally realized. Oh no, I was genuinely shocked. I was in deep state of shock. So much so that when the doctor tapped my shoulder gently and said “Yes. You ARE pregnant” 10 minutes after I arrived nervous and sweaty and saying something about needing to take a test ‘just in case’. I couldn’t believe it. I said NOTHING. Now, one of the bad (or good) things about being a naturally talkative person is that you often do the opposite when you’re shocked by something. So, for me I went from basically narrating the whole doctor’s experience ‘Oh, how are you?” “Yes, look at the amazing summer NZ has had!” “Did you know I lived in Korea for six years” to being given the news and just staring at the floor and saying nothing. The poor doctor looked a bit sad for me. Go figure with my response. And let me tell you – it’s not a good day when you know the doctor feels sorry for you.
I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be really honest with me. Really honest, not white lie: "Things are okay. I’m not really in emotional turmoil, honest." I mean take a good hard look at yourself and then answer. Okay.
I was rather late to the Breaking Bad party, I’ll be honest. While the original series finished in 2013, yours truly over here only finished it in 2017 and I use the term "finished" rather loosely because I didn’t watch every episode (I know, I’m a disgrace) and I also looked up a LOT of spoilers on the internet years before I even attempted to watch it (once again, I know, I’m a monster).
A situation in my life recently made me think about how hard it can be for us wonderful, beautiful, and resilient women to remain powerful in our lives — particularly when it comes to men.