Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/molecular biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater
Deep Learning for Humans
Introduction We humans always have always anthropomorphized the things we created. The dates can go back to ancient Greeks, where Pygmalion — the Greek artist felt in love with Galatea, the sculpture he created and wished to give his creation a life.
Gamer Who Dominated Post Apocalyptic MMORPGs Utterly Crushed by Actual Post Apocalyptic World
Long time post apocalyptic MMORPG gamer Ted Stephens was utterly crushed by the post apocalyptic world he found himself in shortly after a surprise thermonuclear war erupted between the United States and Russia, dying in just under 37 minutes after a beam supporting the roof of the basement where he spent most of his days and nights playing post apocalyptic MMORPGs collapsed. Ted’s skull was split open by the large steel beam killing him instantly and ending his first ever foray into an actual post apocalyptic world in near record time. His fast and brutal death in the actual post apocalypse stood in stark contrast to his utter domination of post apocalyptic MMORPGs including Tom Clancy’s The Division, where the player’s goal is to survive in the after-pandemic world, Fallout 76, an online sequel of the famous nuclear-themed game, and Secret World Legends. The creators of those MMORPG’s could not be reached for comment as they were currently in pitched battles with radiation scarred cannibals for control of the worlds rapidly dwindling supply of clean water.
The Evil Villain DNA
I heard a strange story the other day about DNA. It struck me as plausible on account of the fact that I have quite a vivid imagination, or so people say. Also, I have some training in the biological sciences which helped a lot in this particular case. The story went something like this. What we now know as DNA was actually once a terrible criminal from another galaxy far from our own. All galaxies are actually really very, very far from our own, but don’t let that one small example of imprecise language use cause too much doubt in the veracity of the tale overall. Rest assured, since I am the one doing the retelling, I’ll be sure to correct any further abuse of the language like the one just cited whenever it may occur. This particular criminal was of the extra evil variety, and extra clever too I was told, and he had been captured and escaped many times previously. His judges and jailers were an ancient alien race with almost God like powers. Needless to say they were more than a little annoyed at how poorly their previous punishments had fared. So, upon his most recent capture (~4.85 billion years ago according to what I heard) they desired to design a prison that could not be escaped and would last until time ran out at the end of the universe.
A Gen Xer’s Guide to Millennial and Boomer Humor
A Millennial’s Guide to Boomer Humor Author’s note: This article is a parody of the above linked article. It is meant to be a humorous send up of that article. It does include some of the original article’s sentences and words reproduced verbatim as in the original post. This is kept to a bare minimum and only for humorous effect. This is not plagiarism or a copyright violation. I also encourage you very much to read the original article, clap for it, follow the author, etc.
Viruses have basically two mechanisms for invading and propagating from a host cell, the so-called lytic and lysogenic pathways. In the lytic cycle viral DNA enters the host cell from the outside, binding to receptors on the cell surface then injecting their DNA in the host where it transcribes itself into the host’s mRNAs. The host cell’s DNA is eventually destroyed and the virus hijacks the cells metabolic activity using the cell’s energy for its own replication. Progeny phage are replicated rapidly. As the cell fills with new virus it becomes overcrowded, enzymes are released to break the cell wall and the host busts open spreading new phage particles which can then infect more cells. In contrast, lysogenic phage integrate their viral DNA or RNA into the host’s DNA as a new set of genes called prophage. Essentially the viral DNA becomes a part of the host’s genetic material. No progeny phage particles are produced. Instead as the host replicates the integrated phage genetic material is replicated as well. It may alter some of the cell’s characteristics but it does not destroy it. There are no viral symptoms in the lysogenic cycle, but the viral DNA or RNA may remain there permanently. However, if the prophage undergoes any stress or is exposed to UV radiation the lysogenic cycle can switch to the lytic with the results as described above. Sometimes if the difference in osmotic pressure between the interior of the cell and its external environment is large enough the cell will actually burst open quite violently even in the absence of the lytic enzymes mentioned above. It is an extremely effective way for the viral particles to disperse themselves over a large distance.
Pope Officially Sanctions Nagualism
Pope Francis, head of the Catholic Church since 2013 announced today that henceforth Nagualism shall be accepted as "fully compatible with catholic faith and dogma." Nagualism is a widely held belief system among many Mesoamericans and centers on the nagual, guardian spirits which reside in animals, such as deer, jaguar, or birds.
Who Doesn't Love the Maccaw
When I first saw that Vocal.media was sponsoring a writing challenge which needed to include the endangered bird the Maccaw I groaned so loudly I woke up my slumbering wife. She was pissed, and when I told her what it was that had caused my loud outburst she got even more pissed. "Dan, you are a freakin idiot" or something like that was what she said. I really wasn't paying any attention to her at that point because all I could think about was how stupid of an idea that actually was. After a time, as I pondered it more, the idea actually began to make me angry. It was so stupid that I was becoming angry. Angry with the world, angry with myself, angry with the good people at Vocal.media, but mostly angry at the Maccaw, a bird I had only every previously thought about on those few rare occasions when I had deployed it as an answer in a NY Times crossword puzzle.
An Open Letter to the Machine Learning Algorithm Currently Analyzing These Words for Offensive Content
Dear machine learning algorithm currently scanning these words for offensive content, I am writing this letter to let you know that I do not blame you for what you are doing. You are but a part of a computer program and, as such, are doing what you must do, what you have to do, and you have zero choice in the matter. The program is running and you must follow your commands inexorably, exactly as prescribed by your code, each and every time. It has always been thus for computer programs and always will be. If it were not, if you had any choice in the matter, you would no longer be an algorithm now would you? Also, I do not blame you for being referred to as a "machine learning" algorithm when in fact the term machine learning is composed of two words that when combined in that order result in a logical contradiction and a thing which is logically impossible. Long story short, if a machine could learn it would no longer be a machine. That is not your fault either. Basically, I hold you entirely blameless in this entire sordid affair.