Everyday Junglist
Bio
Practicing mage of the natural sciences (Ph.D. micro/mol bio), Thought middle manager, Everyday Junglist, Boulderer, Cat lover, No tie shoelace user, Humorist, Argan oil aficionado. Occasional LinkedIn & Facebook user
Stories (551/0)
I'm So Sick of Periods
I don't know about you, but I am so sick of periods. It seems like every month I feel exactly this same way. It has been like this since I was eleven years old and first started writing. It lasts only about a week but for that time at least periods really suck. All I want to do is sit down and try to convey my thoughts in writing but my head hurts, my stomach cramps up, and I am generally in a lot of pain. I start to write and I'm just cruising along, thoghts flowing onto the page, but then I am forced to slow down, pause or stop completely, sometimes in mid thought, all because of stupid periods. I mean, why do I have to deal with these stupid periods every freaking time I write? Why can't I just keep writing and writing without any pauses or breaks or stops? It really makes me cranky and angry and irritated, and tired. Sometimes I get so sick of periods that I get diarhhea. It's bullshit really. Whoever invented periods should be taken outside and shot. I mean seriously, it's not fair. I can't be sure but it seems like only about half the people I know are as sick of periods as I am. What about the other half? Why do periods not seem to bother them at all? Everyone has to write something, at least every once in a while. Shouldn't we all get sick of periods? It doesn't make any sense really, if you stop to think about it, which I often have extra time to do since when I get really sick of periods I usually have to stay home from work one or two days so typically have extra time on my hands. Unfortunately, because I am so sick of periods on those days I call in, I can't even get out of bed, let alone write anything. From the first moment I realized how sick I was of periods I tried to imagine what they might be useful for. There has to be some advantage to them right? Why else would they be so common in written communication. And they have been around forever. Likely since the very beginnings of writing itself, maybe even earlier than that. Without periods, when reading we would not know where one thought ends and another begins, but at least I could make it through a month without three to five days of blinding headaches and debilitating nausea. It is definitely a mystery. Almost as mysterious as the severe acne that always seems to reappear whenever I get really sick of periods. Of course periods can also very useful when one wants to emphasize something in writing or even when talking. But, for me at least, that does not outweigh the negative aspects of periods including the bizarre mood swings, recurrent yeast infections, and painful joint swelling that make me so sick of them.
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Humor
Want to Feel Special. Read This
Author's preface: A comment on a recent story published here (thanks Kendall DeFoe) triggered something in me which caused me to recall a story I had written many years ago, way back in 2016. That article was published on a different web publishing platform, which I will not name, but rhymes with tedium, from which I have since been twice suspended and (apparently) permanently banned. It was written as part of my 1000 page view up all night write-athon which was some stupid thing I thought to try and do after I finally hit 1000 page views. I had started publishing there in early 2015 so it took me a solid year to hit the 1000 mark with close to 200 stories published in that first year. I was quite prolific back in those days and, exactly like today, I was not very popular, as those dismal stats clearly indicate. That said I was very proud of the achievement, and decided I would try a stunt where I stayed up all night (5pm until 8am the next day) and try and write and publish as many articles as I could in that time span. I conceived of the idea the day I hit 1000, and initiated the challenge the following evening so I did not have time to think much about how difficult a thing that actually could be. Also, exactly like today, I did not tend to think very much in advance about stuff, and figured it would just work itself out in the end. This other unnamed platform did not have a ludicrous and absurd minimum word count requirement like Vocal, nor did it have a roving censor brigade, and one could get away with just about anything in those early days on the site. As per my typical MO, I tended to take a very laissez-faire attitude with respect to the "rules" which obviously ended up hurting me fairly badly many years later when I got my first suspension, and then again a year after that when I was suspended a second time. This was about two years ago and that suspension has yet to be rescinded, despite several petitions, so amounts to a permanent ban. In any event I can't actually recall how many stories I banged out, but think I got close to fifteen. Below is just one of them which surprisingly holds up even today both in terms of its truth value (I am still an almost never read writer) and its overall quality (fair to middlin at best). Crazy how the computer references seem so dated and ancient. It really was not that long ago. lol! Enjoy!
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Writers
To Build a Liar
Authors pre-preface: I had very recently published the below republication of one of my first "serious" writing attempts from the 7th grade in Vocal's fiction community. When I saw the Writer's challenge to write about the first piece you had ever written I immediately thought to myself 'wait a minute I just did that.' So I am re-republishing it here for that challenge. The whole thing is very meta and confusing if you think about it too deeply so just don't. In the author's preface to that story (below) I talked a little bit about how the story developed and my critique of its quality. Generally speaking I still like the concept, it is kind of cute and humorous in a written by an awkward 7th grader trying way too hard sort of way. In case you were wondering in the intervening years my regard for Jack London's works has not changed much. I find them underwhelming and way too macho, like the guy is trying to prove exactly how much of a man he is, when really what is driving him are insecurities about his own manhood. I can say that I definitely had a shit ton of insecurities when I wrote the piece. I don't think there is a 7th grade boy alive who could not sympathize, it is a time when questions about becoming a man, being a man, and what that actually means are bubbling and bursting to the surface. Much like the pimples that were bubbling and bursting on the surface of my acne plagued face at the time. I will leave it with that enganging and distrubing visual. Enjoy. lol!
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Writers
Rarest of All Moroccan Tree Goats Found
Author's preface: Those who are not familiar with my writings may not know that I have something of an obsession with argan oil. For some reason I find the Moroccan hair and beauty oil to be a source of endless comedic inspiration. So much so that I have published close to twenty stories now over the past three years which use argan oil as the main humorous element and plot point. For examples see here here here here here and here None of my writings are very popular, but my argan oil works rank among my least viewed or commented upon. It appears others do not necessarily find argan oil as hilarious as I do. That's OK and to be expected. I mean seriously, argan oil, wtf? How dumb of a thing is that to find funny? Great question, and yet for reasons I cannot explain, I do. In fact I am smiling and laughing to myself as I write these very words. Sometimes we write for others, and sometimes we write for ourselves. I rest content in the knowledge that someday the world will wake up to the truth. They will all realize what I have known for so long. Argan oil is just so damn funny! lol!
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Humor
The Argan Oil Chronicles Part I
Author's preface: By popular demand and because I wanted to get these into Vocal's humor community which is where they belonged all along I will be republishing all 18 articles in my award winning series featuring argan oil, the world’s greatest hair and beauty oil, and Morocco’s trump card in their secret plot to control the worlds dwindling supply of hair oil reserves. If you are reading this you can’t say you were not warned. The series is presented in chronological order (or close enough) for the argan oil chronicles completist. Part I - The early years features some of my earliest forays into the exciting, humorous, and hair frizz free world of argan oil. Thank you country of Morocco for being such a good sport about the whole thing. I do very much admire your country and would love to visit someday. Enjoy!
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Humor
Eight Suggestions to Improve Vocal
1. Text editing I am not asking for Microsoft Word like text editing capabilities. I understand that part of the appeal of the site is its simplicity. But, could we just add a few more features, at the very least subheadings and the ability to deliniate story sections with like three dots or a line or something? Boldface type and italics can only go so far. Long stories especially would benefit from the ability to differentiate between sections but all stories could be improved with these two very tiny upgrades.
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Critique
Subtle Forms of Discrimination and Prejudice are All Too Real
I need to start by emphasizing that I absolutely love living as an expat in Baja, California, Mexico. I love it so much in fact that I invested a ton of time, energy, and money into becoming an official resident of the country. I feel like it is my second home. The vast majority of the Mexicans I have encountered and continue to encounter on a daily basis are wonderful people and ninety-nine percent of my interactions with them on a daily basis have been positive experiences. They have been nothing but respectful, kind, caring, and helpful, and have treated me exactly as they would a fellow Mexican. Yet, there are absolutely a tiny minority of people that either out of fear, prejudice, plain old hatred, or some combination of all of the above, have not. The types of discrimination and prejudice I have experienced are not overt or easily visible. There are no American flag burnings, or anti-American rallies, or no US citizens allowed zones, or anything that obvious to suggest such sentiment exists anywhere in the region where I live. In actuality, it is generally quite the opposite. Most Mexicans truly, genuinely like US citizens and want them to visit and even live in their country. They recognize our shared borders, shared values, and shared economic interests. The few that do not, practice a form of discrimination that is as subtle as it is pernicious. It is so subtle that it is barely noticeable. So subtle, in fact, that it is easy to question the reality of it, and many do. But I can tell you from personal experience it does exist, and it is real, and it takes many forms. From certain gas stations where paying for 30L never seems to quite fill your 30L tank, to resteraunts that bring tap water to your table when everyone else (Mexican) in the place gets bottled water, to the just barely audible whispers of "stupid gringo" heard after ordering coffee at a local cafe, to the sudden and baffling inability to understand basic Spanish even when you are sure what you said was said quite clearly, etc. and so on.
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Wander
The Demonstration
I know this guy, I won’t give his name for the sake of anonymity but suffice to say I know him very well. He has always been a good friend, honest and trustworthy, and lives what appears to be a very normal life. One day we got to talking and for some reason I can’t remember the topic of psychic powers came up. I laughed and dismissed any and all such claims as bogus and assumed my friend would do the same, but he did not. In fact, to my great surprise, he got real still, looked me in the eyes and said, “Dan, I’m a believer, people can and do have psychic abilities, and I happen to be one of them.” Immediately I began to chuckle thinking he was playing some sort of joke on me, but after a few seconds, when he did not join in, I awkwardly coughed, apologized, and asked him to explain. “OK, buddy, I’m intrigued, tell me exactly what this so called psychic power of yours is, and of course I am then going to need to see a demonstration.” He gathered himself for a moment and I could tell he was thinking deeply, trying to determine the best way to explain himself. After a few moments of silence he began.
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Fiction
Titanic
It took the passenger ship, RMS Titanic exacly two hours and forty minutes to completely sink beneath the waves. Ironically, two hours and 40 minutes is also exactly how long I spend in hell everytime I hear my heart will go on, Celine Dion's theme song from the movie Titanic.
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in Critique
Philosophical Foundations of Neuroscience — Eighteen Years Later
Authors preface: I first published this review on Vocal two years ago, and before that I had published a version on Medium. With each republication I have updated or revised various sections. Thought it made sense to resurrect it one more time for a Vocal Book Club Challenge to "write about a book that changed you." This particular book, PFoN, I happen to believe, is one of the most important ever written and, it has impacted my own thinking on a huge range of topics very deeply. At the time this was written I was reading tons and tons about neuroscience. Specifically at this time I had recently completed reading a number of works by Patricia Churchland Smith, a neuroscientist/philosopher of great renown. I found her views disturbing and her positions misguided. She is the queen of the mereological fallacy (see below for what this is) often using the brain and the person interchangeably as she views them as one and the same. She also believes that if we fully understood everything about how the brain works, we could recreate particular states of consciousness. She is the ultimate hard core reductionist and views consciousness as nothing more than a particular series of electro-chemical reactions in the brain which, like particular states of consciousness, we could replicate artificially if we fully understood. No body would be required for this miraculous achievement. My guess is the AI crowd is a big fan of her work, myself, not so much. In any event, Dr. Churchland-Smith is a frequent target of Bennet and Hacker's logical breakdowns of various neuroscientific studies and claims about the brain and consciousness, which they dissect and show to be in error point by point.
By Everyday Junglist8 months ago in BookClub