I had a conversation with my mom yesterday wherein she told me she felt guilty just sitting around doing nothing. Knowing my mother, this makes sense. She’s constantly cleaning out a closet or grading papers or working out. She always needs to keep busy. I understood her anxiety; after all, I’m the same way.
Let me be completely candid with you, dear reader: I have never been familiar with romantic relationships. Call it whatever you like– shyness, fear, awkwardness– I hadn’t so much as even been asked out by someone. For the majority of my life thus far, I have been incredibly #single, so when my friend Jen (name changed for anonymity, of course) asked me for relationship advice, my response was, “Why? Mine literally happened on accident.”
A recent discovery of mine has become my new fascination: recognizing the moments in which I play the fool. Since kindergarten, I have always been a smart girl. This did not come from necessity or competition, but because reading chapter books in elementary school, getting ahead on schoolwork, and doing extra work outside of class was natural to me. Not only was being smart natural to me, but knowing and embracing that fact was as well. I wore my intellect with a badge of honor, proud to be the “smart girl”.What I’m more impressed by in retrospect is my fearlessness to stand apart from others in doing so. I never was bothered by being the “try hard” or “smart girl”; I loved getting to challenge others and learn as much as possible. Standing apart from the crowd only started affecting me when I moved through high school.