Daniellynnevans@gmail.com

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Shameless and Irreverent

Homosexual and Proud

Perceptive and Obnoxious

Empathic and Naive

Romantic and Slutty

Loyal and Imperfect

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  • [email protected]
    Published 3 months ago
    Dildo-Gate 2013

    Dildo-Gate 2013

    I know how much you guys like to hear about my sexual escapades, but if you look at the top of your browser then you'll be reminded that there is often a second subject addressed in my epic stories of booze and regret. The following, sadly, is a tale of the latter with not much of the former. But fret not, because I assure you that this tale of unwarranted unemployment is as epic if not more epic than most of my sexual escapades and I can pretty much guarantee that by the end of this post you're going to wish you were there to see it happen. Fasten your seat belts and buckle up your strap-ons cause here's the story of how I got fired because of a dildo…
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    Published 3 months ago
    Fat Eyes

    Fat Eyes

    At this point in my life I've come to realize that I'm not really good at relationships. It's not my fault if you think about it because growing up I never had a well-functioning relationship in my family that I could watch and learn from. Unless you count my grandmother angrily washing dishes with the fire and furry of a thousand suns in her eyes, pretending to ignore the sound of "Burning Ring of Fire" by Jonny Cash being blared at a deafening level causing the entire house to shake healthy. So when I finally meet a guy that I'm interested in I unintentionally and do any and everything possible to fuck it up and I am once again left sad and alone with nothing but a bottle of red and monstercockland.com to keep me company. This, my dear friends, is yet another prime example of one of those instances…
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    Published 3 months ago
    On This Day In 2010

    On This Day In 2010

    I've just discovered this wonderful new feature that Facebook has started called "On this day in 2010..." where it shows you on a side bar your status updates from this same date last year. Not sure yet the rhyme or reason for its appearance because it seems to live in the same place as "People you may know" and "Sponsored Pages" (aka: ads) but this morning I couldn't help but notice a status I had written on this day in 2010 about what I had been doing at Trapeze School and came to realize that today marks the one year anniversary of what I like to call my Broadway five-some.
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    Published 3 months ago
    Dumpcelo

    Dumpcelo

    For those of you who are avid "Getting Fucked and Getting Fired" followers, you know that I always use nicknames to protect the guilty, unless you REALLY piss me off or it happens to be a famous person. Well, Dumpcelo's nickname came at a time when I was working in a restaurant the entire staff referred to as "The Dump" and we spent the majority of our shifts making up songs and replacing key words with the word dump.  Our punny song writing was amplified when one afternoon Skeletor (a manager who's nickname came from the fact that he was effeminate and emaciated... like Skeletor) asked me to clean the outside step to the restaurant so I threw on the nearest doo-rag (can I say that? Does that make me racist?) and gave you my best Cinderella impression. Needless to say this spawned a whole new genre of songs including my own personal favorite "A Lovely Dump!" Not so shockingly enough, Skeletor ended up letting me go after I put in my two weeks notice. Can't imagine why he didn't like me... Anyway, with that all being said, you will soon learn why I'm not actually going to use his nickname as I tell you how and why I wasted just over half a year thinking that Marcelo actually cared about me the way he often told me he did...
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    Published 3 months ago
    Daddy

    Daddy

    So recently I’ve found myself using Grindr much more than usual. Not that I’m actually hooking up with anyone (two in a span of three months which is good considering I know guys that have had three in the same day) but I recently came across a psycho Cuban Go-Go boy who reminded me of a fling a had a couple of years ago. Not psycho in the like Norman Bates or Buffalo Bill sense of the word, but psycho in that crazy possessive, jealous, “it always has to be about me” mentality that most Latin men suppress because they’d never be able to keep a man otherwise. Not-so-interesting story short he told me to stop texting him because it took me too long to answer a question, but not after he had sent me a full naked photo album and a couple of videos of him fucking some other guy (cause that’s a huge turn on apparently). Not that all Latin guys are like that, but the culture does tend to ere on the side of (for lack of a better word) clingy. Honestly I blame the mothers… A good friend of mine dated this whack-job Brazilian off and on for years and they were constantly getting in full-blown physical fights because the whack-job always thought my friend was sleeping around (even with me once, which is only funny because he’s probably the one friend I've never slept with) when in reality the whack-job prostitution whore was the one fucking one of his coworkers the entire time. And that, my dear friends, is why we do not date bartenders or go-go boys.
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    Published 3 months ago
    Win a Date With a Porn Star

    Win a Date With a Porn Star

    OK, before we get started on this I think it’s best to dispel a couple of insinuations one might have about a sexually active person who has an affinity for large-membered Latin men. First of all, my shit is tight bitches! I’m sure there are a lot of guys out there who can sit on a telephone pole in one fail swoop and not think twice about it, but I’m very physically active which ensures that the muscles in that area snap right back into that firm place that they’re supposed to be. The most recent encounter I’ve had back there was with a disappointing Dominican who was smaller than myself (which is saying something) and I still had to do my lamaz breathing to make sure I didn’t get hurt. So, in case you were wondering, it does make a noise when I fart. Now that we have that out of the way, we can continue…