writing attempt-er + mystery/thriller enthusiast
that pretty much sums up my entire life
Darkness Will Find a Way to Shine: A Response/Thought Process
It's rather nerving that the state of the world gets further and further out of the control, without anyone having the means or the strength to do anything about it. No one has the ability to revert things to goodness and peace, and as you get enveloped into this as our way of life, you may even stop and think, "if someone could, would they?" and you shudder because you can't say for sure. Not based on how the world is spinning.
The Summer of 2016
"It's too cold," I mutter with a genuine irritation. The light droplets of water on my right foot feel electrifying in comparison to the temperature on the rest of my body, regardless of how fast I tried to get the graze of my skin away from our apartment pool. I stand in my rather childish swimsuit, arms crossed, and brows furrowed, the immediate refusal to let myself be devoured by the water the very epitome of my being, or so I thought.
"It's always one thing after another with you." Carmine shook his head sheepishly. One of his hands gripped only barely to the 1 o'clock of the steering wheel, while the other put pressure at the back of his ear. He appeared to be timid, but I had the feeling that it was a reaction to cover up his anger of how troublesome I was to him. Nothing made the Carmine Jung timid. The reason would have to be pretty extreme.
Don't Fear Me Anymore, Annalisa
It haunts her. Rain when it pours, thunder when it rumbles, lightning when it strikes. Wind when it howls in darkness and in it, one could swear it made out a few words: I’d kill you, I’d hurt you, I’d stalk you, I’d make everyone forget you – and an echo that goes easily, easily, easily, until it slowly fades away into nothing, as if it were never there. Darkened shadows, keys between the fingers, an Uber driver’s wrong left-hand turn that accelerates into a highway in the opposite direction. Steps that follow you without a face or familiarity, a leaky faucet when you’ve just turned it off, a creak in the basement when you’re home alone and helpless. Eerie music that inches you toward the edge of your seat about to slip off entirely as the spinny-spin-spin of the blackened night owl’s head goes around and around and around, in refusal to let you out of its sight.
My dearest darling, It’s been a while now. A lot of things have changed since the last time we were able to see each other. I mean, yes, I did get to see you amongst a crowded room almost a year back. Everyone saw you – they admired your lovely face and your delicate hands that sat on your sides, and because of that and the occasion, you were unable to see me in return. I’m deeply afraid to consider this as true, but my mind knows that there isn’t any other way around it – so, so pained and fragile, that the more that time passes I struggle to remember the features of you that I used to see everyday.
To Be a Child
With the new year having already approached, and with gentle reminders to treat myself kindly popping up throughout the day, my mind somehow and quite suddenly fell back on a couple memories that I never thought much about at the time, but that has become something to treasure today. I’m especially glad, because in it, I see hope and excitement for the future generations just as I see for myself. I now have something to look forward to, more than I did initially all from a remembrance I unconsciously sealed up.
The Seafood and the Strips of Steak
The “firsts” of pretty much anything tend to get you thinking. The first day of middle school had made me a nervous wreck about useless things like fitting in and making friends. The first day of work had my stomach flipping over whether or not I’ll be able to do my job well, or if I’d be able to last long to advance my career and create a future. The first day of college made me feel like I was underwater for three straight days, as I figured out how to navigate my way through an entirely new place and surroundings, and similar to all of those things, the first day of 2022 had my mind scrambling over past “files” that my brain hasn’t opened in a long time, in search of something to use based off experience that can help me through the new year ahead, and like the spinning games at the arcade, I’ve finally landed on one, a simple one in fact, that honestly should make more of an impact already than it did, and that I hope to get in motion very soon.
“It is what you want it to be.” I’ve repeated the words to myself countless times. Infinite, infinite, infinite. They were words from my father; probably words from everyone’s father, or their mother, their sister, their brother, their teacher, their co-worker –blah, blah, blah– they’re pretty common words majority of us beings have likely heard one place or another, but sometimes I can’t help to wonder. Wonder what exactly that means, what exactly I want it to be anyway, whatever it is.
Elevating The Mind
I have bad habits left and right, and most of them place themselves rent-free in the base of my brain, no matter how hard I shake my skull. In fact, it seems that the harder I try to get rid of the daunting above the tip of my spine, the more that they stick to me, and to the crevices of my brain that make me, well, me.
My Time Machine
I hope the grief stays with me. I hope the love that I can no longer store where it once did, remains in my bones. Yes, I hope that in some way or another, my memory holds on to the dearest treasures I’ve ever had, whether it be in the back or in the very forefront of my mind. I hope that the goodness that I have experienced in my life never leaves my spirit and my beautiful, uplifting energy.
"Growing Into" Me
There are people I want to hurt. The people I feel genuinely deserve an uppercut to the jaw after all the sorrow and agony that they put me through, and put others through. The people that I wish felt what it was like to have your heart turned inside out or shattered into a million pieces left and right, that caused me to scramble to pick up the shards of the ones I love while I was still picking up my own. The people that don’t deserve a fraction of time to spin across my thoughts, but that I dedicate all-nighters to anyway solely because I can’t help myself.