My honesty is black and white for you to read...
Once Upon A Time... I Was The Bad Guy
There is something to be said about experiencing peace within one's self. To live in a state of the now and not be surrounded by emotions of guilt, shame, or self-loathing. So many years, wasted living in the past. Not able to forgive myself or others along the road to my destiny. In order to reach such a state of mind and being, it required me to first take accountability for the toxic behaviors and marks I left on others along the way. Not something that is easy to admit or even bring up. I think it is human nature to reflect on the way we perceive others' actions that negatively impacted us. So how does one backtrack and try to make amends for the negative roles played in others' stories? How do we justify or rectify being the bad guy in some of their chapters of life?
What That Four Letter Word Means To Me
This is my life, my story... yet, I find myself more times than not, sitting in silence. Wondering, how can this once again be happening to me? You may be wondering what "this" is, and exactly what it is I am referring. The answer is simple... "this" equates to the art of loving. Being in love, not just with another warm body, but ones self. The thin line between love and hate and the all knowing. When the love you pour from yourself, leaves you feeling beyond empty! Sounds so dark and filled with sadness. The opposite of what defines love. Yet, as time rolls by... I am learning, there is nothing simple about love.
Can you tell me the address to heaven?
When I was in sixth grade, I participated in an afterschool astronomy club. I was very shy as a little girl but there was something about the night sky that would light up my soul. I loved learning about all the constellations and planets. I could stare into the vast darkness for hours. Hoping to catch a glimpse of a falling star. My wishes were stacked and ready, just in case.
Me, Myself & Why
As a young mother of three, I remember being excited about the day they would all turn eighteen years old. This would mean I was no longer legally responsible for these beings. My life would then be all mine to do with as I chose. I would be free of all the tasks and expectations associated with being a mom! I could hardly wait until that moment became a reality. I would finally be free!