A Mountain of Hair
Pulling My Hair because of Trichotillomania As many of you know anxiety and depression shows it self in many ways. Some extreme forms are self harm or drug abuse. I have many forms of dealing with my anxiety and one of the more extreme forms is pulling my hair out.
I know we have touched upon the difference between anxiety and depression and the lovely grey area in-between but today is all about our friend anxiety. Today we are looking to my life living with unmanaged anxiety. Anxiety affects many people in many ways and for me it is ADHD tendencies. I become unfocused and unable to sit still. I become very fidgety and sensory dependent.
Unopened Letters to Mom
Dear mom, Why haven’t you answered my letters its been over 15 years? I have so many questions. I just don’t understand. Did I do something to upset you? You said I will see you in a couple days and its been over 15 years. No calls no explanation.
A Tattoo to Cover the Pain
My friends would always ask me “ Brittany why are you wearing a long sleeves its 80 out?” and my reply would always be “ Oh you know me always cold” and quickly change the conversation. Little did even my best of friends know that I was hiding a long history of abuse that they would never understand the depth of and that I would never admit to.
The Tall Man at the end of my Bed
Sleeping should be peaceful sleeping should be calming and safe. For me most nights are just that but there are some nights that make the others stressful and uneasy. This is the story of just one of those nights.
Constant living in a cloud. The one things they don't tell you about Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia is about the brain fog. Forgetting conversations, forgetting what i went to the store for. But its bigger than that. Early morning I drop my daughter off at my grandmothers for child care on my way to work and most mornings I will have to text my grandmother to make sure I actually dropped my daughter off. It is terrifying that you can't remember the small details but the bigger things such as that are so much more important. I have a hard time while working not remember what people tell me to do and have to write every little thing down.
Relationships After Abuse
Abuse doesn't start right away and it doesn't start 10/10 it starts as 1/10 and slowly works its way after the fish is hooked. It starts with little comments like " oh your going out in that?" or " that was dumb" seemingly harmless comments and comments that ill be forgotten within a couple of days. The comments will slowly turn into " you look ugly today" then to " Your such an stupid idiot". Which one time comments like this from someone you went to high school with is one thing but totally different from the person who says they love you 5 minutes later.
Adjusting to my Adjustment Disorder
Adjusting to an Adjustment Disorder is like putting dirty dish into a clean dishwasher. Mental illness in its own is hard to explain and in some ways can feel embarrassing.