I write stories and articles. Sometimes they're good.
I will put on the dress Pink lace and frills Tight as you like With stockings and heels. I will never leave you I'll never age
An Early Thanksgiving
There's entirely too many Mammy dolls and statuettes in this house. It's like stepping into another realm, one which I don't blend in to. Grandma and Grandpa Mac's house, which Grandpa built with his own two hands. Everything is immaculate, orderly, pristine. I am out of my element among family members, their intrusive questions briefly answered with forced smiles. The smell of food wafts through house, as does gossip about church stories and how good God is for sparing Uncle James' house from water damage. I guess the other unfortunate waterlogged neighbors' house weren't worth God's attention.
Is 'American Horror Story: Apocalypse' the Best of Recent Years?
SPOILERS FOR AMERICAN HORROR STORY: APOCALYPSE. Obviously. This might be a bit of a biased review as nothing gets my blood to sing like a good apocalypse that isn't about fucking zombies. I'm entirely too interested in the concept of Armageddon as an atheist. Many movies about it are shitty because they're usually produced as Christian cash-cows. Not insulting Christians, just the shitty ones that use people's fears to line their back accounts.
Top 5 Worst Escort Missions in Horror Games
In horror games, you're already trying to escape infinite peril, but some game developers decided that survival of one character isn't enough. The only companions I have no issues with are dogs because...dogs. But that's because they offer friendship and bite monsters on the shins so you can bludgeon them to death. Helpless, weaponless companions are nothing more than liabilities, like that dorky kid that wouldn't stop following you around the playground in elementary school. Oh, wait...I was that dorky kid. Repression powers activate!
An Open Letter to School Shooters
Dear you. Just you. No names, no recognition, no separation of yourself from the others. Just... dear you. Was it their happiness that offended you? Perhaps their innocence? Maybe they weren't so innocent. Maybe they bullied you on a daily basis. Maybe they got away with too much and you, too little.
The Top 7 Most WTF 'Silent Hill' Puzzles
There's a term gamers use to define the silly arduous puzzles we encounter in games: A "moon logic" puzzle. They are the puzzles that are poetic and metaphoric than practical. When it comes to moon logic puzzles, Silent Hill is one of the best (or worst?) at implementing them into the gameplay and story. Sometimes these stories just don't make any damn sense at all, but neither do monsters with two sets of legs, or monsters that are psychological manifestations of trigonometry homework.
Five Tips for Completing Time-Trials/Speed-Runs
Sometimes I wonder if hurting yourself to get achievements/trophies counts as self-harm. What is with the human psyche's desire to make itself suffer for meaningless medallions? I'm honestly not that fussed with getting platinum trophies, but I challenged myself playing the Tomb Raider Anniversary Time Trials because you get special weapons for doing so. I have a love/hate relationship with Lara in this game, because while I love all the acrobatic moves she can do and the jumping puzzles are fun, sometimes she gets cranky. It doesn't matter if I'm long-pressing the action button or not, sometimes she just does not want to jump to a far-away ledge. Makes me wonder if I should get her counseling.
'We Happy Few': A Happy Review... Maybe
What in the hell was this game's development like? It was an Early Access title for two years. I have already made a post about this, but I will reiterate: I am not going to pay full-price for an unfinished game. Also, it's release schedule for PS4 was vastly confusing, because it said it was in its final release in April 2018, but the game in the Playstation Store said it was still a pre-order, not out until December 31st of this year. So imagine my surprise when it was finally released. I don't know if I even want it now. Are you sure you're done? You're not going to yank it back from me before I finish it, are you?