Life isn’t always going to be easy.
Growing up, I was a team player, a go-getter, a competitive little kid, with dreams and ambitions. I didn’t care about my weight, nor did I grasp the concept of “fat” or “skinny.” I just simply lived every day and ate what was fed to me. After I hit puberty, I began to eat what I wanted, when I wanted without caring about anything. In grade ten I realized that I was “thicker.” I would get attention for my “huge assets, ” and it made me feel super uncomfortable. I remember getting called by nicknames. I wouldn’t consider it bullying, to them, it was for a good laugh, and trust me… to anyone else, it would be a good laugh too. I used to laugh it off. I used to pretend that I thought it was hilarious. But to me, it was much worse than a nickname or a joke. Those comments haunt me everywhere I go, and especially every time I try and eat something. A few years ago someone told me I looked “so thick” in jeans. I didn’t wear jeans for two years after that, and to this day it takes me a tremendous amount of courage to wear them. Those names and words would pop up in my head, and it left me hating my body, and everything about it. It led me down an unhealthy path, and one I am still struggling with today. I used to see how long I could go without eating, I'd even vomit up the artificial expectations people had for me. I believe everything happens for a reason and you face things because you’re able to get through it.
The generation that I grew up in there is this concept "whoever feels more loses." People are so concerned about protecting their feelings but are quick to give away their bodies when both of them are very important. This concept has never made sense to me, all through my life, I have been called emotional, told that I feel too much, care too much, and that kindness can be mistaken for weakness.
I met you at a time when I was struggling to keep my head above the water. I was rebuilding myself, trying to grow and conquer my biggest fears, and recognize my best potential and to finally become that.
Being a server, I know just how important it is to play my A-game from the moment I clock in to the very last second I clock out.
I don’t believe we’ve ever met, but I know when we do sparks will fly and birds will sing.