Smiling, always smiling. No one knows or gets it, I have to keep on smiling. Smiling through the tears. Smiling through the hatred. No one knows just how lonely it is in this world. My daughter came down crying her friends being just everyday normal bitchy high school hormonal teenagers bickering back and forth over nothing really, but shes crying and inside I'm crying too. Now she's alone feeling and I'm right here with her alone myself inside. We are all alone we are born alone we die alone. She calmed down made up with her friends she's fine now no longer feeling alone. A talk with mom a nice hot bath and a few phone calls later she's back to her self. Yet I"m still alone I've never felt this alone. I'm married he's sleeping even if he wasn't he'd be right beside me zoned out into the tv I'd still be here alone. I;ts gotten worse over the years, my depression, my anxieties, my mental health period. I used to love to write I'd like to get back into it this is just me attempting something baring my should for you lovely readers all maybe one of you because I'm not writing something provocative or all that creative. I have to ease back into it I haven't written in years it's probably obvious. But that's me in a nutshell right now lonely feeling not wanting to really talk with anyone but thought I'd write somethings down and throw them out into the world because why not? Everyone else is doing it right? I'm just sitting here with my dog sleeping beside me and just thought I'd wanted to write a poem or short story about loneliness but all that really is coming out is my own story unfolding......and my own feelings of being lonely please be kind. My main point is even with that great big smile on my face I'm still lonely, married 17 years still lonely, surrounded by family and loved ones and yet still so lonely. I'm Alone. or at least I feel that way sometimes. I'm sure everyone does anymore especially with this corona virus crap going on it just makes everything so much harder. So try to be kind to one another and use some patience with others because you just don't know what they are going through or have been through that makes them force a smile if they are able to, to hide that big deep hole of loneliness inside of them. That is all I have maybe next time I will have something better. Thank you for reading and have a good night or day depending on the time you read this.