Beautiful_Disaster
Bio
I write what I feel. I write more when I’m sad.. There’s no harm in that is there? Sometimes we just need a little honesty.
Stories (3/0)
Quarantine Life
As I lay here in my bedroom, looking out at the rain through my window, my mind starts to go back to a place I once knew. I have a few things that I need to do today, but it is so cold out, I don't feel like getting up at all. I just want to stay in my warm bed, next to my mini heater I just bought online. My PJ's this morning are my most worn pair, you know, the ones your mother tells you to throw away, but they are just too damn sentimental. This shirt happens to be an old Navy t-shirt my father gave to me when I was 12 and had nothing else to wear after getting out the pool in our old condo. I picture myself making some coffee, a little breakfast, then calling an old friend to just laugh and catch up on life. Not today. Today, I just can't do it. I want to just lay here and pray every hour that goes by can quickly make the sun go down and the moon come to my rescue. Here I am ordering a take-out breakfast burrito again. This habit is becoming pretty freaking expensive. I know I need to stop soon but I probably won't because I can't seem to find it in me to walk over to the kitchen and get any kind of ingredients together to feed myself. Is this just me? Does anyone else feel this way a little bit more now since the oh-so canceled year of 2020? Well, either way, I will be honest and say I am a hot damn mess. At first, I thought, "yes! working from home would be a dream!" until I stopped wearing makeup, doing my hair really, or even getting out of my pajamas on most days. I mean, no one is going to see me anyways so what is the point. Ugh, this whole thing has just made me feel so alone. It's honestly not the fact that I don't see people in person anymore. I am an introvert so naturally I enjoy being alone anyways. I just feel like these days, its society, it's expectations, it's being part of a world that values likes and views more than true values and friendship. Living in a city where you can know so many people, but still trust no one. A place where where people determine your attractiveness with a swipe to the right or left. Most of my days are like these, staring out of my window, longing to escape from here, to a better world. A more, empathetic one I guess you can say. A less self-centered one. Sometimes I am envious of the ones who have passed. Are they happier? Is life a little better, a bit more bearable on the other side? Because I just don't know how I can keep doing this. It is the same thing. Every. Single. Day Sometimes I wish I had SOS written on my forehead so someone would just ask me if I'm okay. Do people even do that anymore? Just. Ask? It's still the early afternoon but I think I may just take a nap so my day can go by. I can't bear the thought of trying to fill it in with things I just don't want to do. Pre-2020, I miss you so much and I hope things start to get better.
By Beautiful_Disaster3 years ago in Humans